Sigh. I have to stick a wooden spoon up dh's arse, don't I?

[HoneyDragon]

For 11 years of marriage I have put up with his pathological need to stir what ever is bubbling in a pan. I can live with it.

But he waited till I was out with the dog, and BUTCHERED my chicken into a shredded stringy globby mess!

He had clearly chopped it with the spoon then bashed and shredded it and stirred it into fuckery oblivion. Rendering a dish where you should have had a choice of leg or breast into Chicken and Paprika porridge. Because "It's better that way". The lid did not need lifting, the pan did not need stirring. The dc's were presented with a favourite meal and instead both gave me WTAF is this faces.


AIBU to think he you shouldn't fuck with another persons poultry like an obsessive spoonyfucker?

[Bluestocking]

Actually, thinking about it, my DP has a bit of the spoony fucker about him. I always make rice by the absorption method, and when we first lived together I had to read the riot act about not lifting the lid off and giving the rice a jolly good Helpful Stir.

[SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus]

It's not that easy to leave things that are boiling without stirring them, y'know! If you know it is boiling it plays with your mind, it needs to be stirred!!

Needless to say, I am shite at cooking.

[HoneyDragon]

NamingofParts. You really haven't seen spoonyfucker stir. He jabs, batters and hammers. The chicken stood no chance

I was next to the egg at the time using the toaster. You do not expect people to stir a poaching egg. You just don't.

It has taken YEARS to explain how the slow cooker works. And that you DON'T LIFT THE LID AND STIR.

[SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus]

And re: poaching an egg.

You dunk the egg in the water and stir the water... How do you people poach eggs?

[HoneyDragon]

Get the water rolling and poach. At no point do I vigouoursly and violently stir. Thats what spoonyfuckers do.

[HoratiaWinwood]

You stir it first like a lunatic then gently drop the at-room-temperature egg into the swirl. Then leave it the fuck alone.

[HoneyDragon]

I'm getting flash backs

[SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus]

Oh... That might explain why I'm not great at poaching eggs.

It is really hard to stop yourself though, I boiled eggs yesterday and have to actually leave the room to stop myself from stirring it.

[HoneyDragon]

Schroed are you a spoonyfucker? Do you want to come out? We can help you, you know.

[BloominMarvellous]

Spoonyfucker will be DP's new name.

It drives me crazy!!!!!!

[SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus]

I'm not coming out in fear of getting a spoon up the arse. :o

[YoullScreamAboutItOneDay]

I thought my DH was a bit of a spoonyfucker. But nothing in this league. This is hilarious.

[BarredfromhavingStella]

Stirrers, so fucking irritating-get your own fucking pot & stay the fuck away from mine

Yes, shove the spoon right where the sun don't shine.

[ScoobieDooo]

DH is more of a cookerknobfucker than a spoonyfucker - "I've just turned that pan down for you" - cheers, that's why it isn't boiling any more

[HoneyDragon]

Is a really that hard to let another person cook. Is it.

hank god dh isn't a cookerknobfucker too. He'd be dead.

[HoneyDragon]

Thank God.

[SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus]

I have my own pot and still get moaned at for it...

[openerofjars]

DH walked up to my cake mix,into which I had just lovingly folded the sieved flour, and beat all the sodding air out of it. So I killed him. Was that wrong?

You have my sympathies: it is hard living with a spoonyfucker.

[Beachcomber]

Oooh I'm so glad to see this thread. My mum does this.

Yunno when you are reducing something? And you have to leave it alone until it starts a good simmer so that the liquid comes to the surface and boils off without overcooking the ingredients?

Well, along comes my mum and stirs all the liquid back into the dish.

Drives Me Mad.

[freddiefrog]

DH is like this with rice. He's got some compulsive thing about stirring rice until you're left with a saucepan of sticky white mush. Just leave it the fuck alone!

It's only ever rice. Never feels the urge to interfere when it's something else boiling over all over the hob (ie the jam I was making and forgot about after getting into a phone conversation with my mother - he just stood there and watched it erupt all over the bloody kitchen)

[minouminou]

I have very disturbing images of Spoonyfucker, with wooden spoon in rectum, STILL managing to stir pots. Such is his need to stir.....

Make sure you shove it up his bum with the bowl of the spoon leading, won't you, OP.

[ExitPursuedByABrrrrrrr]

YABU for cooking chicken on the hob within spoonyfucker range.

Did it have bones?

Having said that, my DH never dares go anywhere near the Aga, except to clean it.

I have cooker rage.

[IceNoSlice]

"obsessive spoonyfucker"

[HoneyDragon]

No. I jointed and boned the chicken

I left him supervising his children. The dinner was able to take care of itself.

He is a spoonyfucker child neglecter.

[minouminou]

Heh heh....you boned a chicken.....
Heh
Heh heh heh..