Sigh. I have to stick a wooden spoon up dh's arse, don't I?

[HoneyDragon]

For 11 years of marriage I have put up with his pathological need to stir what ever is bubbling in a pan. I can live with it.

But he waited till I was out with the dog, and BUTCHERED my chicken into a shredded stringy globby mess!

He had clearly chopped it with the spoon then bashed and shredded it and stirred it into fuckery oblivion. Rendering a dish where you should have had a choice of leg or breast into Chicken and Paprika porridge. Because "It's better that way". The lid did not need lifting, the pan did not need stirring. The dc's were presented with a favourite meal and instead both gave me WTAF is this faces.


AIBU to think he you shouldn't fuck with another persons poultry like an obsessive spoonyfucker?

[Guiltypleasures001]

Ahh he's a spoony fucker

[baffledcoconut]

Reading this thread made me think of the good old days and how lovely it was- perhaps things were going back. Nope, old thread. Absolute joy to read.

Is the OP’s husband reformed I wonder?

[PonyPatter44]

I was just thinking what a great thread this was, and then I saw the date....

[Sweetpea1532]

Yes, i agree@HardcoreLadyType ..times have gotten too complicated ☹️

[HardcoreLadyType]

I am on this thread, under an old user name.

I stopped using MN in about 2017, and have come back for a bit of a look in the past few days.

The fun just isn’t there, anymore. 😞

[HipHopopotomus]

SpoonyFuckers 😁

[Sweetpea1532]

Oh, for the simple days of 2012...

[Biddie191]

CloudFormations - there would, but I think it's just a select few.

[CloudFormations]

Mumsnet used to be nicer, didn’t it? If someone posted this thread today there would be reams if po-faced responses saying it’s not funny to joke about domestic violence and suggesting that either OP, her husband or both were controlling.

[Newestname001]

@RandallPinkFloyd

stbHx was a spoonyfucker and a cookerknobfucker.

He used to stir then turn down every fucking pan he walked past

I wouldn't mind but he was the absolute worst cook ever, I've shared his onion gravy recipe on here many times.

My biggest bugbear was when he boiled potatoes. He boiled them, I mean seriously boiled them. They would be furiously trying to escape the pan as it spat molted hot starchy goo all over the hob for about half an hour.

I don't like my food to be touching, I like each element to be separate then I can combine each mouthful as I see fit. He served everything up as a sort of food soup.

12 years with this man, 12 years

Freedom beckons - hold on!! 🌹

[Shodan]

Dh can change personalities en route from the kitchen to the sitting room.

In the kitchen he is pickattheremnantsbeforeeatingthehotmealfucker, then somewhere in the four yards from kitchen to sitting room he turns into dousethebloodylotwithsaltbeforetryingitfucker.

I have managed to curtail both fuckerynesses to some extent with careful use of a well-placed fork and secret previous salt dosage but he still persists.

However I would be prepared to let these go if he would just stop being sloshyeaterfucker. I'm not unreasonable like that.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Brilliant, spoony.

[spoonyfucker]

I felt so wracked with guilt reading this thread I actually had to register with this name as my permanent online confession.

Sartre knew what he was talking about when he said that "Hell is other fuckers".

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

That sounds like a brilliant idea, Eldritch.

[ClutchingMyPearls]

Oooo yes whyever not Eldritch

I love how they think we understand/care/haven't got anything better to do like poke our eyes out read an interesting book.

Mine also fecks with ingedients and a few weeks ago put cayenne chilli powder in my gravy made from meat juices whilst I stepped out of the kitchen. My mistake clearly I should NEVER HAVE STEPPED OUT OF THE KITCHEN or maybe I should put a lock on the cupboards....

[EldritchCleavage]

Clutching do you want to join the support group with me and SDT? I've ditched the training idea. The way it will work is we will set up our DHs so they can tell each other about their exciting maintenance programmes while we get drunk.

[BellaOfTheBalls]

I'm also married to a spoonyfucker, cookerknobfucker and a sellbydatetosspot. He'll stir shit that doesn't need stirring then amusingly say "I made dinner". This is a man who can cook a fry up and that's it.

He also likes all his vegetables boiled until they become one with the water they were cooked in (bloody Irish MIL) and then proceeds to eat his food in size order. If I make a sauce to go on a piece of meat that has lumps in....pfft.

[SecretNutellaFix]

We'll have a chat about it, everyone is stressed at the minute.

Something just snapped last night, usually I just sigh and joke about it.

[ClutchingMyPearls]

Holy hell secret ! Cannot believe he 'told' you to do it! get sharpening that cleaver and try to stop your eye twitching or you'll give the game away.

When you're in the slammer we'll all say how you were forced in to doing it and regale people with your dishwasher story! Proper sob story, should go down a treat

[EldritchCleavage]

SDT we need a support group. That or a training session that teaches you how to render your T.Y.E.F.D.O.E.S.M.Jfucker incapable of speech using some well-aimed blows with the Screwfix catalogue.

[SecretNutellaFix]

I have a very sharp non dented meat cleaver.

Lets just say it involved him telling ME that I needed to empty the half washed dishes from the broken dishwasher and wash them before the new one gets delivered today. As HE was sat on his arse watching TV and tweeting and looking at FB on his fucking phone. I was in the middle of MNing and doing Xmas shopping.
Just like I'm the one who "needs to wash his stuff for work" when he has several pairs of smarter trousers in his drawers, but he prefers these two or three pairs of jeans/casual trousers. or find his Goddam Fucking socks.

Can you tell I'm still fuming?

[ClutchingMyPearls]

Hello SDT ! I have one of those too, I need to practice my 'do I look like a give a rats arse' face in the mirror more often.

SecretNutella - sorry but that cracked me up "meat cleaver through his fucking head" ! Sorry you're obvs upset about something. I have a very nice if slightly dented Global meat cleaver at home that would do the trick. It's dents came from DP's best mate who, coming home drunk one night, triend to open a tin of beans with it (oh yes...tis true pru..)

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Welcome to MN, Clutch!

Eldritch - I have a Tellsyoueveryfuckingdetailofeverysinglemaintenancejobfucker. I. Do. Not. Need. To. Hear. Every. Single. Fucking. Detail. Of. Every. Fucking. Repair.

Ohhhh god that felt good.

[SecretNutellaFix]

No. He hasn't.



I foresee a Talk coming along soon, if I don't end up killing him first.