To think that my dh should have married a bloody lap dancer if he loves them that much......

[plim]

So, dh took his best mate on a 'belated stag do' this weekend - they didn't go last year when he actually got married as his fiancé was preggers.

we have just bought house, are skint, have just taken out a loan, I'm on maternity leave with our 3rd child so money is tight. Dh booked a 4star hotel for the two of em, made a weekend of it, I eeeked it out of him that they went to a lap dancing club and had 'lots of dances' in a VIP room.....

Not so much disgruntled about the fact that they went to a lap dancing club although I think they are degrading and vile but hey if thats what floats their boat, but more annoyed that we are brassic until I go back to work in new year and they have just blown a small fortune on boobs n ass being waggled in their faces.........asked dh how could we afford 4 dances each etc and he stated that 'he did not have to explain himself to me'. To top it off he was so pissed on Sunday that I told him to go straight to his weekly abode ( he works down south 3 days a week) and he will now not be home till Friday.

Just all feels a bit selfish when we have 3 lil ones and things are tight but at the same time I do think everyone has the right to let their hair down etc....

[Sallyingforth]

I don't want to stir things up, but in your position OP I's want to know if this is how he entertains himself when he's 'home' at weekends, what does he get up to when he's working away during the week?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

You don't want to stir things and yet you are doing exactly that.

Nice.

[AnyFucker]

It's a perfectly valid question that op should be asking herself. I certainly would be.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Depends on how much going to a lap dancing club actually bothers a person really.

Just because half of you,quite shockingly,believe it is a deal breaker and would lead to no trust etc,doesn't actually mean OP feels the same.

[StaceeJaxx]

You know what I would do, (and I realise this is just my opinion). I would book a date with a male escort, tell him that you've booked it (out of the family money obviously). Get dolled up to the nines, leave the kids with him, go on the date with the escort. Then when I got back I would LTB.

[GhostShip]

I am extremely open about things like lap dancers and stuff, I used to be a page 3 model and have openly defended it on this website, so I'm not against women dancing and flashing their bits.

I am against my partner ogling at said bits whilst he is my partner. Its not that I don't trust him, I know he's hardly going to shag them, it's just disrespectful to me. And I don't know why any woman says 'oh its just part of a stag do isnt it'. Well no. Just because people accept it doesn't mean its right. The whole point of these places are to make money from men (sometimes women) getting turned on my the female body. Why would your partner who's supposed to love you, want to go and get turned on by someone else. It just seems wrong to me.

That in itself would be the dealbreaker.

Never mind the spending of money that we havent got.

OP, he's a disgrace,

[GhostShip]

by not my*

[ChicMama25]

Even if the op isn't bothered about the lap dancing in principle the point is here that her dh spent money they didn't have on crass entertainment a hotel and booze for him and his mates then says he doesn't have to explain himself?! The trust issue can be a separate thing if you want it to, but if you weren't upset about the private dances then why the title of this thread?

[ChicMama25]

GhostShip has hit the nail on the head

[Xales]

Personally if you are paying for his food etc out of your savings while he has enough to blow on shit like this he can pay for his own food.

[IAMU]

GhostShip, well said.

If my DP did that, I would be kicking his pathetic arse so hard out the door followed by a binbag of his clothes.

[Joiyuk]

My DH is the sole provider for us ATM due to us moving to another country. I am unable to work due to visa restrictions, so have no money of my own. When we got married he didn't even have a stag/bachelor party. He didn't resent me for this, and hasn't ever asked if he could have a belated one. I often tease him saying he has missed out on a stripper, to which he replies he would rather I give him a lapdance (dirty sod!). I think it's not only disrespectful and hurtful for your H to do this to you, but it casts a worrying shadow on the rest of your relationship. Him having his 'own money' as he sees it is so wrong. A man with a family has more responsibilities to provide for that family. He clearly sees that he 'deserves' to do what he wants because he wants to. No other reason. It's childish behaviour, and he needs to grow up. I hope he sees he is in the wrong before he destroys your relationship. Big hugs to you xxxx

[Wheresmypopcorn]

Good grief, he is missing a sensitivity chip. Mind you, your pregnancy/post birth hormones are obviously way lower than mine were as you are not taking it out on him but writing this post.

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

Oh poor you, Op.
Getting my crystal ball out, I'd say that unless he sorts himself out, you won't be together in 10 years time.
And even if you are, you won't be happy.

[eatyouwithaspoon]

definately agree with Ghostship, for me just the lapdancing would be a deal breaker let alone the money and attitude!

[BelaLugosisShed]

"Just because half of you, quite shockingly, believe it is a deal breaker "
Why is that shocking?
Strange as it may seem to you, very many women ( quite rightly) believe that their partner partaking in the sex trade and buying sexual services, is a deal breaker.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Reasons one might think it was a deal-breaker

1. Because if I showed my norks to random strangers for money, DH would consider it a deal-breaker. Why is it OK the other way around?
   
2. Because the 'industry' is pretty exploitative in areas and you don't know where your money is going.
   
3. Because you believe that women should be treated with respect, not like pieces of meat.
   
4. Because you told your OH it was a deal-breaker.
   
5. Because private dances are only not cheating because someone is paying (how odd is that?). If DH went to a friends house and asked her to strip for him and dance around, I would consider that cheating. Why is it not solely because money has changed hands.
   
6. Yuk.
   
7. Any other reason...

[lovelyladuree]

So he works away from home to provide for his family. It was his mate's stag do. It was money he saved up from last year. What is the problem here?

[Chubfuddler]

I had absolutely no idea working to provide for your family entitled one to paid sexual services from strangers. How simple marvellous. Perhaps MN could set up a members discount.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Bela I personally find it shocking that anyone would consider it a deal breaker. I'd laugh at my OH if he went to one. I'd laugh at any man who went to one and honestly believed those women dancing looked at them with any more desire than a checkout cashier looks at the average customer.

I know girls who've danced in these kinds of clubs. They felt that they were "exploiting the men actually".

I myself have never danced in one.

In this particular situation,surely it's the fact he spent "his money" as he liked and feel his wife,the OP has no right to be angry. £500 is not exactly a small sum of money! I'd go bonkers about the money and the fact he was obviously being a selfish arse.

[lovebunny]

ltb. don't wait for his explanation.

[Darkesteyes]

Brilliant post Mrs TerryPrattchet. Agree with every word.

[plim]

Flaming eck thanks everyone for your posts. I'm not going to leave him over this but it has made me question his priorities. It's the money that has upset me, but as I said originally I also don't love the fact he went to a lap dancing club and actually chose to pay for dances. It is a bit grotty, lewd and I guess the one thing that has really struck me is that it's really bloody immature.

So, does everyone on here know whether their dh's watch porn? Would you all react in a similar way if they did as you have mentioned the exploitation in the sex industry? I'm genuinely interested to know whether you all see it as one and the same?

[ChicMama25]

It is not the same but it is bad and I would feel betrayed. It depends on the type content etc but most of it is so super degrading to women.