To think that my dh should have married a bloody lap dancer if he loves them that much......

[plim]

So, dh took his best mate on a 'belated stag do' this weekend - they didn't go last year when he actually got married as his fiancé was preggers.

we have just bought house, are skint, have just taken out a loan, I'm on maternity leave with our 3rd child so money is tight. Dh booked a 4star hotel for the two of em, made a weekend of it, I eeeked it out of him that they went to a lap dancing club and had 'lots of dances' in a VIP room.....

Not so much disgruntled about the fact that they went to a lap dancing club although I think they are degrading and vile but hey if thats what floats their boat, but more annoyed that we are brassic until I go back to work in new year and they have just blown a small fortune on boobs n ass being waggled in their faces.........asked dh how could we afford 4 dances each etc and he stated that 'he did not have to explain himself to me'. To top it off he was so pissed on Sunday that I told him to go straight to his weekly abode ( he works down south 3 days a week) and he will now not be home till Friday.

Just all feels a bit selfish when we have 3 lil ones and things are tight but at the same time I do think everyone has the right to let their hair down etc....

Can I say the name of the club on here?

Say it and see what happens

I wouldn't OP, no.

I don't see why not Plim. People talk about all sorts of places on MN after all.

I really don't think everyone who is insinuating your DH cheated on you are being very helpful here. They are projecting their own dislike of lap dancing clubs.

Whether you consider it cheating is of course up to you. I don't think if it was a reputable club that there would have been any rule breaking in terms of more stuff happening. So I disagree with garlic baguette. But personally, I think the line between another woman sitting/writhing naked on my dh's lap and "sexual
services" is very very thin / non existent

If you say it and it's against rules, the post will just get deleted. No biggy.

Agree with chicmama, totally.

Indeed. A lap dance is a sexual service. It's not ballet is it?

And of course he should not have been spending money on decadent nights out when you are skint and have DCs this is disrespectful in its own right and you have every right to be annoyed

I always think would these men be quite happy for their wives to pay some random bloke to rub their penis over their dress in tescos toilets, after visiting the booze aisle to buy merlot

I imagine not

I agree with chicmama, too. Private dances may include two women having sex with each other (oral, fingers), almost certainly feature full nudity and frequently involve the dancer rubbing her breasts & genitals against the man's face and crotch.

plim I think you should ask your dh what OwlLady said... Well put! And of course with family money..

Even in reputable clubs you're going to get more than just the same 'dance' the girls are doing in the main club or there aint much point in paying the extra.

garlicbaguette is right about the private dances content this includes non VIP

Urgh, just remembering the very fishy smelling jeans of my ex the day after he'd been to a lapdancing club. That was when I realised they got their fannies out during the private dances.

:(

You ok OP?

Just bleaching jeans

Right :(

!

I hope that's another of your defence mechanism jokes plim because I'm guessing your partner wouldn't be washing semen off your jeans if you'd done similar.

Regrettably in many clubs, sex is paid for in VIP rooms. Some lapdancers are indeed prostituted women and it is by no means unusual for dancers to make further private arrangements with patrons, which take place off the premises at hotels.

I'm wondering whether you might find it helpful to start a thread in Relationships because it is so sad to read about a woman who is making these trade-offs in her relationship.

I think it is another woman's (possibly plural) vaginal secretions she is jokingly and metaphorically washing off her husband's jeans, not semen

Yes I understood that. I was pointing out that if plim had paid for her own private dance and a man had left a deposit on her jeans, I couldn't imagine her husband washing them for her.

Ah, I get it. Fucking awful whichever way you look at it.

"HE doesn't have to explain himself to you" is the killer bit for me. What about explaining to the baby when there is no money for nappies and milk or the older child who can't have a warm winter coat.

The fucking off and having semi naked or naked women dance in front of him is bad enough, the retort that he doesn't have to explain himself is definitely beyond acceptable. I think I would be kicking him out. Lack of respect, lack of maturity, lack of reality, lack of consideration. I think you get the picture.

I disagree with the posters who say a lap dancing club is "par for the course" on a stag night. Why are so many women resigning themselves to putting up with this fact.
I couldnt be with someone who even went to one of these places in the first place.
Do you have a daughter OP. Would your H be happy for her to be a lap dancer when shes older or would his hypocrisy stop her!
Those girls in that club are someones young daughter too.
And i bet OP that you are the one scrimping for Chrtistmas now too. Beans on toast for your H i think. Which he could cook himself from now on. I could NOT bring myself to sleep with a man who i knew had been to one of these clubs. Some people might see that as an over reaction but thats the way id feel even if he hadnt had a private dance. YOUR H HAD 4 OF THEM