AIBU to expect DM NOT to buy DD 'personalised' things with her name spelt incorrectly!?

[therewearethen]

I'm pregnant and hormonal so don't really care if I sound ungrateful but DD is 4.9 and has leant to spell her first name and is having a good go at her surname.

She has just started in a new school, has been there a week and they sent a homework book home on Fri on which they spelt her name incorrectly, so I took the label off and replaced it.

DM turned up with a random present for DD today on which has her 'name' but it's spelt incorrectly. It's not the first time this has happened. I mentioned the homework book to DM who told me I must tell the school of their mistake which I thought was a bit hypocritical given 2 seconds previously she'd done the same thing!

Don't wish to out myself but we're talking calling a child hollie but deciding to spell it holly. IYSWIM, DD's is slightly different to this and I've never seen anything with our spelling on it but that's partly why we chose an alternative.

So AIBU in not wanting these personalised gifts that are in fact not at all personalised with the right name!?

Alisvolatpropiis No, it doesn't, not for all of us anyway - as per my (and others!!) previous posts.

Bethan v Bethany is different, it's not a 'different spelling' it's a different name, the same as Isabelle, Isabella.

Years (& years) ago names weren't written down, it didn't matter if you were a Shaun/Sean/Sean - it all sounded the same and I think that's pretty much how I feel. My name is mis-spelt fairly often, I don't care. It's still 'my' name.

As I said earlier, a class teacher should get it right and people shouldn't buy things for the child until the child is confident the spelling of their own name, after that the child should decide how they feel about it. Some wouldn't want things with a different spelling, some wont mind & would just enjoy having something with their name on. Spelling does not define the sense of 'my name' for many of us.

My name is Melanie. I am called Mel by everyone except my grandma, a lot of people have called me Melissa. Also a lot of people can't spell Melanie, I've seen Melany, Melaine, Mellany, Melonie and Melony (although that one could be quite appropriate for me :o). It doesn't bother me massively because none of those spellings are by family members, except my brother always puts Mell in birthday and christmas cards.

But if they were by family members who should know better then I wouldn't be happy at all!

Is anybody else enjoying trying to decipher people's names from the clues?

Meh, I'm not that bothered about people spelling my name wrong (happens a lot despite being a common name with only one standard spelling). DD1 has a very unusual name, similarly, it doesn't upset me when it is pronounced/spelled incorrectly.

DD2 again has an unusual name. It is very similar to a very common name but with one letter difference although it is a legitimate and separate name in its own right and not simply a variation. I really hope people don't see it and think it's a poor attempt at 'creativity'. Again it doesn't bother me if people spell it like the more common name as the difference is subtle but what does annoy me is when it's pronounced incorrectly but only because when this happens, it pronounced like another entirely different name with a totally different spelling! I bet that was hard to follow (sorry) but will definitely out myself by saying the names .

I'm mortified if I get the spelling of a child's name wrong, even if it's something totally off the wall like an Aimèe (sic) It's not that hard to remember once you know about it, is it?

It all depends on whether you have chosen a valid and commonly accepted spelling variant of a name such as "Stephen / Steven"
In which case YANBU.

...or whether you have reinvented the rules of spelling and pronunciation and expect everyone else to abandon them too.

In which case YABU, of course.

Sticking an e on the end of a name might change the vowel sound; a random accent looks pretty hovering above a letter but it also changes the vowel sound. There seems to be a growing trend of parents misspelling names and getting stroppy because other people actually do know how to spell correctly. It's so odd that some people expect everyone else to join them in their illiteracy.

Having said that, I would always try to use the spelling given to the child regardless of how unusual it might be. But oh my, I would probably judge a little.

Its awful when people misspell names. My DH is called a name beginning with J that is in the bible, however for some reason a lot of people call him Gerard. Two different names all together. He's originally from SA and his name is much more common over there, here not so much but its like people have never heard his name before and its hardly a unique name! It peeves me more than it does him, particularly when family send cards saying Gerard..

My name is an IE (the name is actually supposed to be spelt like that) and some family members spell it with a Y, I've even had one spell it EY on the end?!

My kids all have traditional, all be it 'different' names (you won't find their names on personalised things in shops put it that way). No problem with DS or DD1 but same problem DH has with DD2..Her name is similar to another name and she sometimes gets called that one.. Annoying.

If i'm unsure of a spelling I make sure I check first because I know how irritating it is when its wrong! MIL has NO excuse, yanbu at all.

I don't like funny duddy spellings though, don't see the point. My brother has the German spelling of a traditional name and in the end shortened his name because he was sick of people using traditional spelling! No point changing spelling imo.

YANBU. DS2 is a Dmitry, I understand that it's not a common name here and expect some mistakes at first, but DBro still writes 'Dimitri' and DS2 is 11 now!

Ha! Ds' grandma couldn't even remember what his (foreign) name was. Same as famous athletic; she consistently used same athletic's surname rather than his first name. In the end we had to invent a nickname that would stick in grandma's mind.

For dd I took pains to provide her with a name that could also have an English abbreviation. I am now the only person who uses this: dd and her friends use a totally different abbreviation.

Noone here, not even dh, can pronounce my first name. Doesn't worry me terribly tbh.

Mrs DeVere, I suppose I'm saying I understand that a grandmother might have issues spelling a name incorrectly if it is basically an endorsement of illiteracy. (I'm not saying that is actually the case with the OP)

As I say, I personally would suck it up and write it the way the parents wished, but if I had to write Mayrieeey instead of Mary or Soowsunn instead of Susan on every birthday card I would be cringing for a long time.

You say the grandmother should spell the name "right", but it isn't "right" its just "the way the parents want it" and it is hugely grating to some people to mis-spell something. It feels akin to writing 2+2=5 because the parents wish it to be so.

My ds has a name which is not hugely common in this country, and I'm not offended by mistakes in spelling or pronunciation, as most people attempt to correct themselves when they know. But when an acquaintance named her child with ostensibly the same name but decided to get creative with the spelling I did cringe. She changed the ending from -er to -ah. It isn't even pronounced "ah" in the UK, it's pronounced "er". So her choice makes no sense. My 5 year old is learning her phonemes and even she knows how to pronounce "er".

There are 3 'proper' ways to spell my name, with mine being the least common (in this country). It drives me INSANE when people spell my name wrong, and by this I mean people who have seen my name in writing but still continue to get it wrong. It just isn't me.

I have also had people suspect that I have changed the spelling myself, so maybe they're trying to piss me off

All names are made up. Well, some a bit more than others...

A child who has only just learned to spell their name shouldnt be presented with a gift with an alternate spelling - it will just confuse them! I think your MIL is a little silly to have bought it. My niece's name has three common spellings, hers is the original, traditional, French spelling, and I can never find anything personalised with that spelling on. It annoys me, but I wouldnt but the alternative, that would be daft!

I think I'd prefer a completely made up name that followed the rules of spelling and pronunciation to a nonsensical spelling of an established word that is plainly incorrect.

I might wish to spell bread and butter as breed and buter, but writing them in that way leads to a different pronunciation, and expecting others to disregard the rules of their own language because I am illiterate is a step too far.

Am feeling stroppy tonight, soz.