AIBU to expect DM NOT to buy DD 'personalised' things with her name spelt incorrectly!?

[therewearethen]

I'm pregnant and hormonal so don't really care if I sound ungrateful but DD is 4.9 and has leant to spell her first name and is having a good go at her surname.

She has just started in a new school, has been there a week and they sent a homework book home on Fri on which they spelt her name incorrectly, so I took the label off and replaced it.

DM turned up with a random present for DD today on which has her 'name' but it's spelt incorrectly. It's not the first time this has happened. I mentioned the homework book to DM who told me I must tell the school of their mistake which I thought was a bit hypocritical given 2 seconds previously she'd done the same thing!

Don't wish to out myself but we're talking calling a child hollie but deciding to spell it holly. IYSWIM, DD's is slightly different to this and I've never seen anything with our spelling on it but that's partly why we chose an alternative.

So AIBU in not wanting these personalised gifts that are in fact not at all personalised with the right name!?

Forgot to say op, YANBU!

Yadnbu. I'm a Nikki. Uncommon spelling (in this country at the time any way) and all through my childhood I would hanger people spelling it wrong, elongating it to nicola or nicole, etc. it took me years to be able to spell my name as my teacher would 'correct' me to spell it Nicki and I used to receive named gifts with other variations of the name which didn't help either.

just keep reiterating to your dc the spelling and soon enough she will correct people herself!

It is really annoying - I get gwennybee rather than gwenniebee iyswim all the time and it irks. I think the gm and school should get it right. However, you will have to used to mis-spellings, it's one of the "joys" of an unusual name.

Like the others who have a foreign surname too, I also have trouble with people spelling that too. Double whammy on the name front. Not fun!

I don't really get the attacks on the OP for choosing an unusual spelling.

My reading of the situation, and it's hard without knowing the names, is that she has chosen a version of a name which is not uncommon. The Y vs IE example makes me think that.

I'll go back to my case with a name that illustrates the situation we are in. (Although it isn't DSs name). Stephen vs Steven. Both names are in use and one is slightly more common. Imagine that we had chosen the spelling Stephen and had taught DS how to spell it. Everyone else spells it correctly except his own grandmother who insists that we have it wrong, the correct spelling is Steven and she uses that spelling at every opportunity, even going to the trouble of buying personalised gifts to hammer it home.

I really can't see how it's not rude to do this and I really can't see why buying an item with the wrong name isn't strange.

More importantly DS is very hurt by it and that's what bothers me

This is and will continue with my ds - an extra e will be added - it's not an unusual spelling or quirky/alternative just a less well known one.
After a very short period ie. 1 Christmas & 1 Birthday family ought to have grasped it - the very old can be excused like the the example of the Grandma struggling with spelling Sarah & face it some people just can't spell but after that it's just not reasonable - to me anyway.
The personalised business would drive me NUTS. There are so many outlets for personalising stuff, on line say that there is no excuse for spellings to be wrong. Why pick something up for an Isobel when she's called Isabelle???
YADNBU!!

Oh and I like the idea of spelling MiL name wrong on her cards/gifts too

Thanks for taking the time to respond, just want to point out I haven't taken a name and completely changed it, I've swapped the one letter for another (an i to a y) and I've just typed her name (the way we've spelt it) into doctor google and the third result was a baby name website so I can't be the only one who's spelt it like this!

Oh and DD does get annoyed when people get it wrong but on this occasion santa got the blame as it was an xmas related item

FWIW we're welsh and my nephew has a welsh name which you simply can't get on the personalised stuff, DM wouldn't dream of getting something 'close' as it's not his name and DSis isn't afraid to speak her mind

I have just written out MILs birthday card from us all with the wrong spelling. Can't believe I never thought of that one!

DS is looking forward to it

I think it's incredibly tacky to purposefully spell your child's name wrong in order to be "unique." I'm wondering if your DM feels the same way and the incorrect personalised gift is passive aggressive?

I wouldn't get too upset about it, your DD is in for a lifetime of people getting her name wrong!

jins, your example is the exact same one I gave DP last night when he wanted to know what I was asking the MN jury, many moons ago when we met and he told me his name I put it in my phone and spelt it one way and he was drunk quite impressed as everyone assumes he spells it the other way so I got brownie points from the off lol

It's my DM not MIL but I could get a card with gran or granny/grannie on as she likes nanny/nannie (oh dear here we go again)

It annoys me too. my name is Rachael - with the extra a - so mine is only one letter difference too, but to me, Rachel, seems like a totally different name when written down!! (my surname used to be incredibly hard to get right too as that was a very unusual spelling, so I got married for that one )

SKIFEN - ooh ooh I could have your daughter's bible - that's my (spectacularly odd) spelling of Catherine - have never been able to buy anything personalised off the shelf - was huge upset to me when I was younger....

IMO spelling normal names in an abnormal way is ridiculous. (And I have 40 years experience here....) A unique spelling adds nothing but hassle. I used to get cross but at about age 20 I learned to let it wash over me. OP - You should probably encourage your daughter towards acceptance now.

When my mother suggested 'unusual' spellings for my dc, it was a very firm NO from me.

YANBU. It defeats the whole point of the gift if the name isn't spelt correctly surely?

YANBU - I have my name spelt incorrectly all the time (Fay) - if it was spelt with an 'e' on the end of it, I'd put one there. It doesn't half wind me up. Sometimes I put my name in capitals (bit peevish, I know) to get the point across, but still people choose to ignore it. I used to get phone calls at work telling me that my email doesn't work and when I ask, they've put a bloody 'e' on the end - or in some bizarre cases spelt it 'Say' - thats not even a name!!

YANBU re school & DM, however you deliberately chose a 'different' spelling - so you've gotta expect people to spell it incorrectly - probably forever I'm afraid.

It wasn't until a MAJOR character in a HUGE TV show had the same name/spelling as me that (most) people started spelling my name correctly. But I have the 'normal/plain' spelling to start with.

I'd be very upset if my mother or mil continually spelt the name wrong - I'd let them know immediately and tell them not to bother getting anything personalised unless it was spelt correctly. I'm all for making people feel bad who take it upon themselves to spell things wrong on purpose.

YANBU as it is your DDs name and it should be spelt however you choose to spell it. Your DM, school and close family/friends should get it right. Definitely a bit NO to a personalised item being spelt incorrectly.

However it is a bit U if you have deliberately chosen that spelling to be different as your DD will go through her life with people mispelling her name.

My son's name has a few different spellings, all used equally as often AFAIK but it still gets spelt wrong at school etc and by friends. Me and his keyworker at pre-school had a standing joke that by the time he left she would get it right.

I don't mind too much as long as it is spelt correctly on official things - I can live with his scribbles from school being spelt wrong as the recycle bin doesn't mind too much about it

YANBU. People have always mis-spelled my surname, which is similar to but not the same as a well-known company. My daughter has a slightly unusual name, which everybody seems to cope with perfectly well, except my sister-in-law, who persists in wrongly capitalising it (it's a repeated syllable, and she insists on capitalising the second one.) It's rude. It gets my back up. It says "I know better than you". I've even had people ask me if I'm sure....FFS

YANBU. For the school to do it once is probably forgiveable, you've corrected the spelling and that should be the end of it. Your DM should know better! If it isn't spelt correctly, it isn't your DD's name, simple as that. That said, perhaps your DM has a mental block about it? I know my GM can't for the life of her pronounce (or spell, I'm sure), my DN's name, because it's a bit foreign

I have a very common name for my generation (late 70s) and there are three possible spellings. Mine's the "proper" one and it drives me crazy when people spell it differently because that isn't my name!

I have just seen you said it is in a baby name book as a possible spelling but that doesn't make it a well know spelling - have you seen some of bizarre names in those books?!

My dd is called Bethan but people have repeatedly given her things with Bethany on. It drives me mad.

When I was small, maybe 6, I got a 'personalised' purse from a friend.
Having an unusual name though, means that I have never been seen anything with my name on in a shop. The friend (or maybe her mum), obviously couldn't find my name, so she bought a different one for me.
My name begins with a T and ends with an N; the purse said Rachel.

If it was my mother i'd expect her to know how to spell my child's name YANBU

I had a similar issue when my in laws bought my kids personalised christeninggifts with the Polish version of their names, and my mother in law insists on calling my kids "Ru-jar" (Rose) "Ksa-ver-ek" (Xavier) and "Fe-loush" (Felix). I chose Xavier in part because I knew there was no x in Polish so figured she couldn't bastardize his name, but she managed it! :) I am used to it now and it doesn't bother me too much, but when it is engraved on a gift it is more annoying.