To think its a bit control freakery to dictate guests wear a certain colour to a wedding?

[sheeplikessleep]

SIL recently announced her engagement, fantastic news.

Recently found out there is a 'black and white' theme.

Now I know it's her day, blah blah, but seriously, we get told what colours to wear? Agh, means 4 new outfits for us all to buy.

AIBU to think its a bit diva-ish?

I had a poem on my invites that went:

And now the dreaded "dress code"
Smart please, gents shirt and tie it
And ladies must put on 10 pounds
So I don't have to diet.

Maybe that was a bit much

I've found your shoes, wear the black and white,but with these, keep clicking your heels you will look great in the photos.

I took a load of photos as a wedding last year and the colour clashes in some of the photos were bloody awful and actually ruined the photo aesthetically. So I just made them black and white, as someone else has suggested. And then, where I could, I colour-grouped other people on the pages of the album.

Besides, a professional photographer friend of mine once told me that, depending on the ambient light, shooting weddings can be really difficult because of the lighting skills needed to get the black/white combo right. So the bride could be shooting herself in the foot.

Maybe she loves this idea though thepinkpsyche.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/movie-break-my-fair-lady-part-2.html

It's nice to have good photos, but realistically, most people are only going to look at your photos once, maybe close relatives will have one on display and the rest are just put in an album and put away? I remember showing a few people ours in the weeks after the wedding but ever since then (10 years +) they've been gathering dust and not looked at. More important that the guests are comfortable than that the photos look good. If it is a theme rather than a dress code that's not so bad though, it gives you the option to join in or not, it's the feeling of obligation that goes with the words dress code that would annoy me.

Read this thread earlier, just been pottering around on the internet and found you the perfect dress here, they also have matching leggings!

OP, rather than John Travolta, maybe your husband could dress up Gangnum style?

Why is no one in the family telling her how ridiculous she is being?! Maybe my family are a bit blunt but they would tell me to get a grip and realise I can't dictate to people what they wear.

People use weddings (especially summer ones!) as a chance to show off their bright dresses. I love seeing all the colours that people wear, saw a very nice granny dressed in bright purple at a wedding a few months ago.

My nan would have a fit at this. She doesn't wear black (it reminds her of funerals, and she has been to a few) and would not want to wear white. I thought they were the two colours you don't wear to a wedding!

YANBU.

I think these Bridezilla types sometimes forget, that in order to attend a wedding these days, guests often have to fork out quite a bit of cash. Even without purchasing a new outfit there's the gift, travel costs, drinks and in many cases, having to pay for overnight accommodation.

When my cousin got married, she had a 'Hollywood' theme, and insisted all the female guests wore "a dress that wouldn't look out of place on the red carpet at the Oscars." She also insisted it had to be "floor length" but that the skirt couldn't be too big, which I rightly assumed was because her gown had a big puffy skirt. She even enclosed pictures of gowns that were suitable and those that weren't. Seriously.

All this meant that female guests either had to buy a high street dress, or hire a designer dress, and I found the prices for both quite similar. I ended up buying one, even though I knew I wouldn't get much use out of it, as I thought at least I'd have such a dress on hand if I needed one again.

Part of me was tempted to turn up in a floor length version of Bjork's swan dress though.

She probably rhinks the photos will be like My Fair Lady, but in actual fact they'll be more like March of the Penguins.

Nope, dont have a black dress
either. I have about 20 dresses, some smart enough to wear to a wedding , but none of them black. I do however possess a white dress, but I doubt it would meet with the bride's approval, being long, with a train.

Blimey Tess - I think my response would be - er, no thanks, I'll give it a miss.
Great post Iodine - that's certainly what my family would do if anyone were daft enough to suggest such a thought.

"I would be totally happy for sil to dictate if she was paying for it!"
Completely agree Sheep. It would get my goat too. Not everyone suits black or white or even has suitable black or white items in their wardrobe. I know I don't, and I'd be miffed at having to buy something just for one day when I have lots of lovely outfits already that don't get warn enough.

OP, there's a magpie sitting in a tree outside my window right now.

Would you like me to try to catch it so you can have it stuffed and wear it as a hat?

Honestly, some wedding invitations are more like court summonses nowadays. You will wear this... You will supply cash gift only... You will stay for 3 days of celebrations....
Some couples even direct you to their special wedding website (steveandkim.com) where you will find a list of expensive b&bs to stay in, the story of how they first met and an electronic version of the wedding list where, at the click of a button and the keying in of your credit card number, Steve and Kim are now the proud owners of a deluxe espresso machine.

It's all gone very daft.

I think a whole family of skeletons would be REALLY cool

Iodine, DH has one sister and his parents. We all get along, but we aren't close and there is an undercurrent of friction (for reasons not to go into here!). DH never has been that close to his sister. We don't have an open relationship with them, so we wouldn't be comfortable telling them what we think of it.

Ask her what her budget is to buy you something new as you don't have anything suitable for her request in your wardrobe!

BackForGood - if she hadn't been a family member, I would have said 'thanks, but no thanks'. My main reason for accepting, and going along with the whole dress code, was for my aunt's sake. She was unwell at the time and I didn't want to cause family squabbles as a result.

Hmm, it's taken the wind out of my sails good and proper now you've said your SIL is wearing black.

My first thought with black and white themes is that the bride/ party girl is planning to wear red (think Joan Collins at the Black and White Ball in Dynasty - Google is your friend, if you're too young to remember Dynasty). Which is so contrived attention-seeking behaviour it makes me want to rebel on principle and the fact that I hadn't thought of it first

Just seems a bit sterile to me, but I suppose it is her wedding blah, blah, blah

Bit more of a problem having to fork out for four outfits though. If I couldn't afford it, I would say so, quite huffily assertively

Way back when I used to read trashy celebrity magazines, I remember reading a story about when one of the Man Utd players got married (I think it was the younger Neville brother), and they had a red, black and white theme. Guests were asked to wear red, black or white.

Victoria look at me, look at me Beckham turned up in a gold dress.

Do a Liz Hurley: she went to Henry Dent-Brocklehurst's wedding (ashamed I even remember this) in a red dress slashed to the minge level to reveal her metallic sparkly knickers. Bride? What bride?

Well, as long as it's in black and white you're fine, aren't you?

I remember Liz Hurley's knickers!

I mean there's upstaging the bride and then there's UPSTAGING THE BRIDE.

www.mediastorehouse.com/low.php?xp=media&xm=1725113

We can afford new outfits. I'd happily spend money on clothes that I think will look nice, is our choice and will be worn again.
I just don't want to spend that much money on outfits for one day and I think I'll struggle. I don't spend much on clothes as it is, mostly because I'm so fussy!
But I'm sure I'll find something nearer the time that matches her theme and doesn't cost too much. TBH I've got no funeral clothes either, so I'll get something that could be used for that in the future I'm too practical
I'm definitely buying the boys black £5 school trousers from ASDA though, that is a fab idea. I'll get them both white shirts too and a black or white jumper / tank top thing if I can find them. You don't often get 5 and 3 year old black clothing.
It's just a faff really, that's all!

I have got a fabulous black suit which is a really great stand-by for all kinds of things, from posh dinner to funerals. Something like that might be worth spending money on.

Maybe I should say to SIL "I'm really trying to find something that will be suitable for your wedding and a funeral as well". See her reaction to that ;)

Tis a good idea though, makes it feel a bit less 'one off'. I could do with a black dress. Maybe I'll steer away from the more 'party dresses' at the moment, and go for something a bit more versatile.

Thanks, that's food for thought.