To think its a bit control freakery to dictate guests wear a certain colour to a wedding?

[sheeplikessleep]

SIL recently announced her engagement, fantastic news.

Recently found out there is a 'black and white' theme.

Now I know it's her day, blah blah, but seriously, we get told what colours to wear? Agh, means 4 new outfits for us all to buy.

AIBU to think its a bit diva-ish?

I just thought that if she's going to encourage guests to wear white to her wedding then she'd be wearing black as it will be much easier to wear a 'stand out' dress of black against B&W clad guests than a traditional bridal gown.

Personally the request wouldn't bother me......as long as it was a 'request' and not an order. It's not something i'd want to comply with unless I already had a suitable item in my wardrobe though......I'm not the sort of person who buys new every time I need to 'dress up' for a social event.

We've been told "there is a black and white theme, so 'Janice' wants everyone to wear black or white".

That's how it's been phrased.

I think it's a lovely idea.

My freind got married recently and had an orange theme. Everyone looked really bright and jolly.

If it's not until next year, then in the January sales there'll be lots of little black dresses from the Christmas season in the sales. If your boys have grey trousers, as long as they are dark grey you'll probably get away with that.

I think you should encourage your DH's white suit idea. This could be fabulous.

And actually, as themes go, it's quite an easy one, most woman have a little black dress in the back of their wardrobe, and most men have a black suit (or a dark grey, if it's just a request you'll get a lot of people in dark grey).

If your DH does go down the white suit route, please get him a walking cane. Ideally rather a blingy one.

No need to wear all black and/or white though, whatever Bridezilla says.

My sister's SIL demanded everyone wore cornflower blue. So in addition to paying to travel 1000 miles to the wedding and pay hotel costs, my sister and her DH were facing kitting themselves and 3 children out in a colour they were unlikely to wear again. In the end, her DH and the boys wore cornflower blue ties, my sister wore dark blue and a borrowed cornflower blue scarf and my baby niece wore a cornflower blue dress.

DH can wear his white suit, you could get black and white ties or scarves or something for the kids and yourself. Shows willing without breaking the bank.

can't you borrow something of a friend?

I think it is a bit OTT to dictate a theme but YABU not to respect their wishes as you have been invited and I assume they are paying for meals etc?

I think the b&w is fairly easy to follow and I would imagine they would have thought most people would have a black suit/dress already.

We had a theme as got married in Vegas and everyone wore dinner suits/evening/cocktail dresses out there so we invited people to join in the theme at the UK reception. We made it VERY clear we did NOT expect it though but most people loved finding new stuff to wear and wewre generally excited about having an excuse to dress up properly.

I was not bothered if people just wore normal wedding stuff but my friend who turned up in jeans I was a bit annoyed about as who wears jeans to a wedding anyway?

Oooo yes....your dh and you as Sandy and Danny from grease when they wear those skin tight trousers at the end.

Horrid colour scheme! All the men will wear black suits, white shirts like an undertakers outing

Yup, we also have the 3 1/2 hour trip there, plus overnight stay. But to be fair, they did that for us, I don't mind that.

OP, you said, there's no way I was being dictated to at our wedding when MIL called up about the bridesmaid issue. This is exactly the same, it's her day and she should be able to have it the way she wants her wedding even if it's overdone. If someone was having a fancy dress fiftieth how many of you lot would go, "I can't be arsed getting a costume- I'll just wear jeans"? It's bad craic to not even attempt to make an effort, especially when someone is feeding and watering your family.

Asos have a very wide selection of black dresses in their petite range, you'll be able to get something inexpensive fairly easily.

It's not the cost really though that bothers me, it's knowing I will get stressed trying to find something appropriate for all of us that we like, on clothes we'll probably never wear again.

Craic - we will follow the theme, I never said we wouldn't. I just feel a bit controlled over it and clothing is such a personal choice. We aren't part of the bridal party, just guests, so it just seems a bit much, that's all.

I just feel a bit, I dunno, restricted. And I'm a fussy enough cow with clothes as it is, I find it so hard to find clothes I like. I'm just going to have to be pragmatic about it and just get a dress that fits the bill, rather than choose one I really like.

oh yes, borrow a black dress! You are unusual not having one in your wardrobe, I've got 5 black dresses, have you asked round your friends?

Anyway, we are in our first month of ttc, so I'm going to leave finding clothes for a while.

I know sheep, think you said earlier in the thread that you'd do it. I was really referring to the people who were like "wear a bright red onsie in protest!" etc. which I personally think is pretty bad form. When's the wedding?

But does everyone really buy a new dress/outfit for every wedding they go to - I must clearly be in the minority as I wear the same old vintage style dress to every one - dress is now over 25 years old so every formal picture of me, ie: at a wedding/family party etc is in the same dress .

And no, if I was invited to a fancy dress party I would send my regrets, I really dislike dressing up formally or in fancy dress.

Surely the point of entertaining your friends is so that everyone is comfortable and enjoys themselves, not worried sick about what to wear.

Hmm, bit precious but I'd probably go along with it, as the colours she's chosen are easy enough. If it was a particular shade of magenta, with swatches supplied, I might be less accommodating.

Having said that, the only black-and-white themed event I've ever been to was a dairy farmer's 50th birthday.

I think it is one thing having a theme (which is optional) and having a dress code (which implies that it is not). I would struggle a bit with a black and white dress code as I only wear either of those as layers with coloured clothes, which means I have black and white vests and tee shirts but no dresses or smart clothes. I don't suit black dresses, they make me look all washed out. Dh doesn't suit black either, his suits are grey. I'd probably go out and buy a white top and black skirt but would definitely be muttering about it.

The catering staff will blend in well though won't they?

After seeing wedding photos from other couples who have done this, for at least 5 seconds, I considered asking our guests to do this. But I quickly dismissed the idea as I could NEVER impose this on someone for all the reasons mentioned above. I think it's rude and akin to inviting people to the ceremony but not the reception.

There is a thread about this on a wedding forum I browse it's good for the odd snippet of good ideas amongst all the hunning and kissing and 'your day, your waying' and one lady is insisting on no hats, another insisting on ladies wearing hats. I don't get it. But then the fact that guests do put themselves to great effort and expense just to attend hasn't been lost on me.

i think its fucking madness, fair enough say you are having a theme and guests can join in if they choose to but not to enforce it, my boys dont have any black trousers and i wouldnt want to buy them some and then just wear them once!

the only black dresses i own are for evening type affairs not for daytime, seriously what a pita.

I certainly don't buy a new outfit for every wedding I go to - maybe if you have lots of spare cash and enjoy shopping/fashion you would, but it would never occur to me if I had something serviceable already.

I don't have a black dress either. I own exactly one dress and it is purple :)

I think it's a bit rude to try to dictate what the guests wear tbh. I wouldn't have dreamed of doing this, I just wanted people to come along and have a fun relaxing time, and wear whatever they were comfortable in. I just can't take that much interest in other people's dress choices!

buy them one of these so they can enjoy their wedding album

My friend wore THIS to a wedding on Friday... she was 9mths pregnant (now has a lovely new baby!!!).

The wedding was a 'black tie' do.

She is 5'2" and needed it taken up a little but didn't mind as the dress was only £35. She wore her hair up with plain black shoes, clutch and a large cream flower pinned into her hair... she looked stunning!

quote - lol, that is an idea ;)

Ohtheconfusion - that is a lovely dress. You've reassured me I will find something next year if I am lucky enough to have a bump by then!