To be disgusted by the criteria for free childcare for 2 year olds

[LowToleranceMamma]

So because I'm not 'poor' enough, I'm not entitled to childcare for my 2 year old, even though I am really struggling with PND and a baby. We can't afford to pay for it.

We are all fully aware that the OP is unwell and needs help. However, it's very difficult to remain nice and calm when people are making good suggestions, people who have been there, and the OP replies that its her children's fault for being such brat with shit behaviour.

"What are you going to ask your GP to do?"

increase my dosage of anti-depressants. i wont know what else to do. cant do counselling as i have no childcare.

No need to feel guilt.What did you do before?

Some people just aren't cut out to be SAHMs. I only have one but I couldn't do it as much as I love him I need my "adult time" and he benefits from being in nursery doing things which i would never do at home.

careerwise

Can your OH not look after the children? Or family or friends?

"how is she bullying you"

it was about breastfeeding so she bullied me to formula feed. this was a year ago and i dont trust her anymore. i just keep my mouth shut and say what she wants to hear then get her out of my home.

prarie - i graduated then got pregnant. so no career as such (just the qualifications)

Sirzy - OH is at work, and i dont have any close family.

Ask for a referral to barnardos. You will get assigned a support worker who will help you go out with the children. These things are so much easier with another pair of hands. I know you want the free nursery place but there is other help available.

you aren't going to get 24 hr childcare are you?

I don't live in England but similar to childrens centre provide childcare while i went to therapy AND parents support group. It isn't going to fall in your lap and yes you might lose some dignity sharing info about your situation - its got to be better than where you are today?

Can you find a childminder who you could use even if just for a cou

Your husband will have to look after the children whilst you get help. Because you AND your children need it. This is NOT about the behaviour of 2 babies. You need to ring your GP in the morning. And your DH needs to take some time off work if you have nobody else to help with the children.

Posted too soon

Could you find a childminder you could use even if just for a couple of sessions a week?

If you feel you would benefit from counselling then you and your OH need to find a way to make that happen.

Hmmmm my 8,9 and 9 year olds are in bed v early as I type for shit behaviour and behaving like brats.

Dd was also frogmarched home from school and all 3 given the riot act.Sorry but kids can play up,yes even 2 year olds.It's a 2 year olds job spec as they find out about the world and come to terms with being an older sibling.

However it needs to be kept in perspective and Mrs is right,how we react and deal with it has an effect.Not entirely sure I've just handled things right but heyho I did my best.I'm not exhausted or unwell though like the op and my dd isn't 2 and playing up on a daily basis.Op probably isn't in the right place to inspect her parenting,she needs to focus on herself(getting well) first.

here's something that happened today:

DS was screaming (teething and over-tired) and i needed to phone the GP to make the appointment. so i put him on my bed where it was comfortable and dark and i went into the kitchen to phone the doc (we live in a flat btw so kitchen and bedroom are not too far apart). took ages to make doc appointment as i was held in a queue. when i finally finished on the phone, i could still hear him screaming, so i went through to check on him, and he was on the floor :(

negligent or what?

I used different HV for something?s as they were nicer than mine - who unfortunately was difficult and not very helpful - as long as I got what I wanted I never cared if they gossiped.

I know my assigned HV was very opinion and judgey about us - I don't know why - never got that with ones based in a different centre I used.

Try worrying less about they think or talk about and try focusing on getting the help you need.

That probably going to be a bit easier once you taken the step of talking to the GP - trying to get a differnt HV isn't going to make things worse for you - and I find it often most worrying with all the what ifs before you try making changes.

Re the formula I know you feel bullied but she may have been trying to help.

Make sure you get dp to ring the Gp tomorrow.I'm sure you can take as long as you need so maybe no need for a double appointment.Can he come with you so a plan for recovery can be put into place?

Then when you start feeling well start looking at job ideas,it may take some time but will give you a goal.

I had stupid preconceptions and high expectations re being a SAHM and honestly I think neither scenario is perfect.I should have gone back to work looong ago.It's not a failure acknowledging when you find something hard.Seriously look at the threads on here,oodles from mums saying they hate being a sahm.If it isn't for you don't do it.Some mums love being a SAHM,some love being a working mum,some of us are in between.

Not a great decision to leave him on the bed but there are loads of huge threads on here of people's stupid parenting mistakes, that is normal.

The point is how you handle it - check he's ok and learn a lesson, next time towel / blanket on the floor or cot. Not torturing yourself over it.

Prarieflower - you made me smile at your post.

re: handling my DD. I havent shouted at her today, despite her behaviour - which im very proud of. she has tantrumed all day. today has been the worst day i have ever had with her tantrums, yet i didnt shout. i would normally snap and shout.

also ive never hit my kids (even just a smack). ive never laid a finger on them, and im proud of that too.

stratergies ive tried include:

• ignoring.
• giving 2 warnings then going home (if we're out and about) or putting them in their cot (if at home)
• distract with a toy.

what else can i do?? these stratergies arent working.

I had a v unsupportive HV too, I found that going to surestart made her back off a lot, I suppose from her POV she had fobbed me off onto someone else! worth checking for a surestart that does courses with a creche as at least that will give you a bit of free childcare.

"Did he fall or did he climb off"

probably fell :( the bed is too high for him to climb. he doesnt appear to be physically hurt. i cant see a bruise or anything but i was shocked when i looked on the bed, couldnt see him, then saw him on the floor :(

"Re the formula I know you feel bullied but she may have been trying to help"

no i told her i didnt want to but she said "you'll have to".

(I didn't btw and DD is fine weight-wise).

No that isn't negligent at all.1 of mine rolled off a sofa.I once squashed dtwin 2's fingers in the door by accident(kept wondering what the obstruction was).

One weekend dtwin1 ended up at 2 different A&Es(when I had PND)with 2 different head eggs(climbing frames).I was in pieces but the lovely consultant just said -"you've got toddlers and a newborn,we'll be seeing a lot of you in the next 2 years".

In hindsight now I'm not beating myself up about everything I wouldn't have bothered with an A&E visit,at the time I was blowing everything out of proportion).

Interestingly hv did contact us to check up(having visited 2 diff A&Es in one weekend )but nothing ever came of it and I was being treated for PND.

Hvs know when to worry and when to just follow protocol.