Caught ballet teacher pretending to shoot my daughter.

[plumviolet]

Ok, back story.

Dd1 has just turned three this week. I am a sahm with another dd2 who is 18mo. For dd1's birthday we got her ballet lessons in a well known ballet class near us. Lovely class, about 20 girls in pink tutu's between 3 & 4 yo. So cute.

Was really nervous about sending dd in as she has been with me for the last 3 years, no nursery just play group with me there. (Because of the close age gap between dds i haven't been able to get out much to organised classes.) I was amazed, she ran straight in and didn't look back. She's clearly ready to spend some time with other kids her age.

Went to follow her in and was told that mums are not allowed in as it is a distraction for the girls. Thought woohoooo!! Dd2 asleep in pram, i can actually have an hr to myself and maybe go for a coffee nearby, wednesdays are going to be my new favourite day of the week.

(Right if you are still reading, thank you!)

Finished coffee early, was a bit anxious so went back to class and opened door a tiny crack to sneek a peak and was horrified as my daughter was the only child not sitting nicely in a circle and was running around the hall pretending to be a butterfly or something. She was happy as larry and was clearly enjoying herself, but i could see the two teachers trying politely to get her to participate but she ignored them. I then saw one of the teachers make the sign of a gun and pretended to shoot her and then laughed.

Ok, i understand that teachers are human and get frustrated with the rest of us but aibu to be upset by this?

Should i take her out?

Should i say something?

I guess i am upset two fold by this, firstly why is my daughter the only one not participating? I dont expect her to be the class star but i dont want her to be the diffficult one. she loves it and i know she'll get alot out of something like this.

Secondly, surely it's the job of the ballet teachers to keep her interested and not get so annoyed that they want to shoot her!!

Maybe the OP would be better with pre school gymnastics than ballet. The children spend most of the session running about and want to sit down at the end because they are so tired.

Faux-shooting aside this very similar to my experience of pre-school ballet. My very lively 3 yo has just started 'mini tutus' for 3-4yos. She's the newest and youngest in the class.
First class I watched with horror as she disregarded instructions and did exactly what she wanted.

I thought perhaps she was too young or naughty (did i have a 'problem' child?!) but I spoke to the teachers and they said she's probably just really excited and to give it a couple more weeks.

Now onto her 4th class she's much more disciplined, in fact it's turning out to be very good for her listening skills and learning to follow instructions. And she loves it.

I did laugh when I read the title if your post as I immediately thought of my daughter. BUT in reality if I'd caught the teachers doing that to her I would have been upset too.

So YANBU for feeling like that, they should have more patience and understanding. Whilst it's just a little joke to others, to a Mum it can be hurtful.

I would say something. Not directly about the 'shooting' but say you looked in and that you noticed she wasn't following instructions and did they find this unusual or particularly difficult to manage?

I think this is really unprofessional behaviour and in incredibly bad taste. I wouldn't send my child back to the class.

There is an assumption that it was done out of sight of the other children. Was that the case? Either way, really bad form.

I don't get how pretending to throttle someone, as EllieorOllie says she does is any different to pretending to shoot someone.

And you faux throttle in front of visiting parents? Really?

OP I posted a toddler ballet thread a couple of months ago and got hounded

(Basic gist: toddler messing about a bit- should I intervene or leave teachers to it.)

Shes fine in the class and will settle down hopefully. I wouldn't worry too much about the 'shooting'. It's not professional but a bit silly.

Because it's done in a jokey way with older children and that joke is shared with the child.

And yes of course I would do it in front of a parent because it's not something to hide.

I think that is different to a joke shared with another adult at the expense of a child too young to understand. And the gun thing is just a bit creepy.

I agree with ALL of the people who say it's not on. And I speak as someone who has taught MANY drama classes to MANY little children.

It was not at the expense of the child, you are being ridiculous. It was a gesture of frustration shared between two adults in a jokey way. Nothing was said to the child.

Can't believe so many people think its okay to pretend to shoot a small child. It's inappropriate and although it may be a "joke" it is tasteless and offensive.

I'm anti pretending to shoot three year olds in ballet.
An eight year old at warhammer might be ok.
I would say something.

YABsilly

I'm laughing at people who think it isn't entirely normal for a young child not to be completely engaged in a ballet class. Some classes are really too formal though and it should all be about fun at pre-school stage.

The very best teachers are the funny ones, the ones who could make a joke, share a joke, deal with kids or adults with affection and humour not po-faced seriousness.

Please don't let's make the world a place where no-one dares make a joke in case they end up being pilloried - or worse. And when one of you, (or one of your kids), makes a comment, or a gesture that was meant in fun and harmed no-one but which others deem "inappropriate" will you be prepared to accept the consequences, (being reported, disciplined, struck-off whatever)?

As others have said - no-one was hurt - it was clearly a joke - although maybe not in good taste. And yes I threaten to throw my kids in the bin, make mad faces at them, pretend throttle them. My Dad used to tell me to go and play on the motorway - and I still smile becasue I remember him smiling and knew that if he was joking with me it was going to be alright - and it was.

Lovely class, about 20 girls in pink tutu's between 3 & 4 yo. So cute.

The idea of enroling my DD in a class with pink tutu's that is described as "so cute" is enough to make me want to shoot myself with a pretend gun.

Yes it would be perfectly ok , my Dd is lovely but the exasperating type, I am sure many of her teachers could happily strangle her. I have spent many a parents evening commiserating with a frustrated teacher. Her teachers do like her as she is bubbly and intelligent but she doesn't stop talking.
As for the hairdresser, hopefully I wouldn't be that annoying a customer. If I was I would have deserved it.

I shoot my DD with a "gun" regularly (a banana, in reality, preceeded bny a very convincing highwayman impression). She laughs, I laugh, so what?

Surely ALL teachers of 3-year-old ballerinas need to be able to laugh at the situations they find themselves in. IMO you're beoing overly-precious (but haven't read byond page 2 of this).

My daughters' classes have blue leotards, is that acceptable?

Please don't let's make the world a place where no-one dares make a joke in case they end up being pilloried - or worse

I couldn't agree more.

Well said Busyoldfield, I feel sorry for children with parents like these. They will end up with boring old teachers too scared to do or say anything.

My Dd wore black leotards and skirt, when she did toddler ballet, Woozley.

MNHQ - where is that emoticon????

They were messing about - be happy you have found some ballet teachers with a sense of humour - they're as rare as hens teeth. Most would have told her off in no uncertain terms.

She sounds too disruptive for a ballet class, but it's hardly suprising if she hasn't been to anything 'formal' & hasn't learnt 'the rules'... I'd see if they are willing to be the ones to teach her 'the rules' or not? I certainly would not be bailing them out about their behaviour.

It sounds like a crap class run by foolish cat herders. Take her out and pretend to shoot the teachers as you leave. Let her run around in a pink tutu at home and in the park. Highly organised classes lasting an hour for three year olds = a load of old rubbish. They can concentrate for about 3 - 10 minutes at 3. The only point of this kind of thing is for proud parents to look on and coo and this class doesn't even allow you in- utterly crappola. Let her be a free range rebel for a few more years. She can start ballet at 6ish, if she's so inclined, when she'll be developmentally ready to concentrate for a bit longer.

So you are not ready to let your DD go off without you and are looking for some really flimsy excuse to protect her from the horrors of teachers who do nonPC things to get her attention?

Not everyone is going to fall over themselves loving every single little thing your child does when she is out of your sight. It doesn't mean they are not good teachers and it doesn't mean they can't appreciate your child's positive points (I'm sure there are many). Doesn't mean your child isn't going to get a lot of enjoyment out of the class and doesn't mean the teachers haven't seen it all before and are well able to handle it when she won't co-operate, and it doesn't mean she won't learn a lot about appropriate group behaviour to go to the class and be handled by people other than you. And it doesn't mean they really wanted to shoot her either. Or you.

I would be worried if there were angry faces or frowns. But there was laughter and everyone was relaxed.

If it turns out that your child isn't ready for the group class then I am sure the teachers will approach you. I am sure they will try lots of ways to get her engaged before they do that though.

DO NOT sneak a peek next week. Wait for the teachers to come to you with problems, if there are any. And meanwhile you could have a chat with the DD about the importance of listening to the teachers and doing what she is asked to do with all the other little girls?

Just because 3 yos are all done up like sugar plums doesn't mean they are sugarplums. They are still 3 yos underneath all the tulle, headstrong, willful, stubborn, energetic, charming, imaginative, sweet, etc. They are lovely creatures and I am sure nobody runs a baby ballet class without knowing what they are in for.

They were messing about - be happy you have found some ballet teachers with a sense of humour - they're as rare as hens teeth. Most would have told her off in no uncertain terms.

So very true there. Most of them have a prickly stick up their ass.