Caught ballet teacher pretending to shoot my daughter.

[plumviolet]

Ok, back story.

Dd1 has just turned three this week. I am a sahm with another dd2 who is 18mo. For dd1's birthday we got her ballet lessons in a well known ballet class near us. Lovely class, about 20 girls in pink tutu's between 3 & 4 yo. So cute.

Was really nervous about sending dd in as she has been with me for the last 3 years, no nursery just play group with me there. (Because of the close age gap between dds i haven't been able to get out much to organised classes.) I was amazed, she ran straight in and didn't look back. She's clearly ready to spend some time with other kids her age.

Went to follow her in and was told that mums are not allowed in as it is a distraction for the girls. Thought woohoooo!! Dd2 asleep in pram, i can actually have an hr to myself and maybe go for a coffee nearby, wednesdays are going to be my new favourite day of the week.

(Right if you are still reading, thank you!)

Finished coffee early, was a bit anxious so went back to class and opened door a tiny crack to sneek a peak and was horrified as my daughter was the only child not sitting nicely in a circle and was running around the hall pretending to be a butterfly or something. She was happy as larry and was clearly enjoying herself, but i could see the two teachers trying politely to get her to participate but she ignored them. I then saw one of the teachers make the sign of a gun and pretended to shoot her and then laughed.

Ok, i understand that teachers are human and get frustrated with the rest of us but aibu to be upset by this?

Should i take her out?

Should i say something?

I guess i am upset two fold by this, firstly why is my daughter the only one not participating? I dont expect her to be the class star but i dont want her to be the diffficult one. she loves it and i know she'll get alot out of something like this.

Secondly, surely it's the job of the ballet teachers to keep her interested and not get so annoyed that they want to shoot her!!

I'm Spanish and if this had happened to me I'd have gone straight to the manager and explained what happened and write it on their complaints book. It's just not acceptable that a teacher behaves like that, otherwise find another job. Also at this age should be ballet with games, as I understand it you said that your daughter is three.
God, that teacher would have heard me!

Are you Spanish Anna?!!

I am actually quite surprised that people think its an ok thing to do - I just can't imagine any teacher I know doing this. And I am far from the type of parent who over-reacts but this really would have got my best face.

Personally I would just tell the teacher I'd seen her do it and pause and wait to see what she had to say. At best she'd look very embarassed and apologise and think twice about doing it again. At worst she'd deny it or brazen it out at which point I'd look for another class.

Zzzz - Quite. All the people on here saying "Oh it could be worse". That's not the point.

The teacher wasn't making some joke between her and the child, she's making a snide gesture behind the back of a small child she's meant to be teaching.

Is it too much to ask for a child to be respected?

I cannot believe the overreaction on here.

this was a very quick joke between teachers - presumably after they have spent most of the lesson trying to get this little one to join in.

It was not abuse/teasing/inappropriate. It was a very quick joke

I cannot believe people would really get this worked up about it - if you get this cross over something this small (and that the kids didn't even notice), then their school careers are going to be very hard work indeed.

If I were unhappy with it as a gesture, I would keep an eye on the next few lessons and make sure dd was happy with it all. I would also check with the teachers how it was going. That is the constructive way to deal with this IMO.

2 adults 'teaching' 20 3-4 year olds ballet sounds like my idea of hell.

Though I fully appreciate that others are happy to spend £££££ on toddler ballet.

I wouldn't mind the running round the hall (other than to ask myself if I could just save the ballet cash and take her to the park) but the shooting thing is way, way out of order. Does anyone who is telling OP to lighten up think the teacher would have done this in front of parents? Of course not, no way. It's wrong.

I would mention this to the teacher and depending on her response make a formal complaint.

I cannot stop laughing...this thread is hilarious! I wish I knew where the class was held so I could sign my kids up. The teachers sound good fun .

I flip a bird behind my DD's backat least twice a day. Still I wouldn't expect that of a professional taking care of her or in any other setting. The teachers were at work. Being, you know, professional. Shooting someone, even pretend one, is not on.

I meant to add too: hold off on the ballet for a few more years if you think she's not ready yet. Some three year olds are ready for a formal class, others not so much and if she has a very strict teacher it might put her off altogether. Alternatively, if she's super active she might do better in a class that's a little less rigid, like jazz, acro or lyrical. You can always add the ballet back in if she decides to get more serious.

Treated like what zzzz
The op said her dd really enjoyed it.

I get the impression people want robots for teachers, but then would find something else to complain about.

Fwiw over the years its teachers who xan banter and tease are my dcs favorite teachers.
One of ds 's teacher was ex army and used to threaten allsorts of murder and mayhem. Ds loved having him.y

About 50-50 pro-shooting, then.

I can kind of imagine why a teacher, looking after 30 children all day every day for a year, may do this out of frustration.

But this child is barely three, and this was her first class, and already the teacher has lost patience and is frustrated.

I wouldn't send my child back again, because it doesn't sound like the teacher likes this little girl very much.

Well I'm still pro shooting. That is to say I don't think this joke between two teachers was a big deal

Oh ffs honestly,
*For all we know the child has been repeatedly "teased" throughout, or the teachers often do this. We don't know. What we know is what OP saw which was unkind at best.

It's her birthday present to go and be treated like this.*

This is the shit that's ripping my knitting on MN at the minute.

Hmmm...I think you are over reacting a bit, but then I have two boys who charge around the house pretending to shoot each other, so I probably think this is perfectly normal behavior for anyone these days.

I've been there, done that with the non-conforming DD at ballet class. Parents were asked to sit in the room next door at DDs ballet classes, and DD was frequently sent out fto me or pretending to be a hippo rather than a fairy, or some other mis-demeanor. She was perfectly fine at nursery, and has been at school. Just because your DD doesn't want to do what ever Miss X wants her to do at ballet, doesn't mean you are doomed to a lifetime of being told your DD needs to learn to conform by her teachers.

We gave up after a while, as DD's toes were just too naughty.

your DD is clearly not ready for taking instruction and it was probably quite frustrating for both the children and teachers. I think I would mention it to them but also at the same time see some humor in their behavior. It was just a joke on the adults part

I volunteer with older kids and I have to say that the ones that are livewires that make me tear my hair out and say, 'oh for goodness sake can you not stop talking for just a minute' [and have never mimed shooting but could imagine doing so] are also ones who i think are great - it's just that they're also tiring.

So I wouldn't say that it indicates the teacher doesn't like your daughter at all. And if you explain that your daughter doesn't do any other group activities without you then they'll understand her behaviour better.

When you're paying for an activity that is supposed to be enjoyable then it's completely reasonable to move your child if you feel less than satisfied with the teacher, and vote with your feet to find somewhere better. Just like you would if you didn't like the customer service in a shop.

FWIW I would be moving her based on the fact that 1 hour is way too long to expect a child of this age to be able to concentrate.

Sorry it would make me laugh. And I only have a PFB.

I can understand why you wouldn't like the idea of someone not liking your child, as I'd probably be upset by that too. But it probably doesn't indicate that at all - it was probably just a moment's irritation signalled to another teacher. as someone upstream said, better that than some pointed comment said aloud.

I cannot believe people would really get this worked up about it - if you get this cross over something this small (and that the kids didn't even notice), then their school careers are going to be very hard work indeed.

^This

Yes it was unprofessional but it was totally harmless. Rather a hidden gun joke than shouting or anything like that.

Some of my favourite teachers were the who used to joke about and threaten all sorts.

I think it's really unprofessional of them. I would have a chat with them & hope they are thoroughly embarrassed.

I have done the jokey faux throttling gesture thing with kids in my class. Sometimes with the TA but most often with the kids themselves. They find it hilarious. No visiting parent has ever been offended.

However, I would be very uncomfortable seeing a teacher pretend to shoot a child behind their back. It's seems odd and quite snidey.

But persevere with some kind of class, if she's immature she needs to learn.