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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to go to SIL's Las Vegas wedding and go to Florida instead?

185 replies

notso · 05/11/2012 13:40

DH and I have been saving to go to Florida with DC for two years, we were planning on going next year.

SIL has decided to get married in Las Vegas next year.
We have been invited however the itinerary is not child friendly. Our 4 DC could attend the ceremony and meal but the rest of the five day celebration is just for adults.
My parents have offred to look after DC so we could go however DD 13 is already very upset that she is missing the wedding and DH and I decided that we wouldn't want to go without her and upset her further.

It has now been suggested by PIL that if we can go to Florida then we can go to Las Vegas, and "people" will be greatly offended if we miss her wedding for a holiday.

DH doesn't want to upset his family, but we really want to have our holiday.

OP posts:
foslady · 05/11/2012 16:02

Definitely do Disney, tell PIL's that you agree - family first, YOUR family UNIT first. As a kid I would be mightily fed up if 5 days of my longed for holiday was spent in a place designed in reality for adults who all wanted to do adult things....ESPECIALLY as they're celebrating again in the UK!!!

Original poster
notso · 05/11/2012 16:03

DontmindifIdo their reason for LV is because BIL had what PIL thought was the wedding of the century and SIL doesn't want to compete, she also want's to exclude extended family without offending her MIL to be.

OP posts:
Original poster
notso · 05/11/2012 16:04

Blush where did that ' in wants come from!

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 05/11/2012 16:08

What expat said.

Lmao at people who think they should just nip over to Vegas from Florida.

Brodicea · 05/11/2012 16:10

YANBU - if you go to Vegas to get married, you can't expect everyone to make it.

But as a 'third way' the two centres is a good idea. If you were going to Florida for Disney World, you could (if you are feeling gracious) see if you could go to Disney Land at Anaheim which isn't as far away as Florida.

Brodicea · 05/11/2012 16:13

BTW I hate the obligation that comes with weddings. I tried to make everyone happy at mine, and nearly had a nervous breakdown. Likewise totally sick of being guilt tripped by 'brides'. All this new tradition crap around weddings is balls- what's wrong with nipping down the register office and off to the pub. That's what people REALLY did in the 'good' old days.
Rant over - sorry for the hijack!

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 05/11/2012 16:13

Am I missing something or is the SIL fine with the OP not going and it's the PIL kicking up a fuss? In which case it's none of their business anyway...

YANBU. Go to Florida, have a great time, enjoy the UK wedding celebrations.

AndBingoWasHisNameOh · 05/11/2012 16:16

Don'tmindifIdo/expat - don't get me wrong I'm well aware of the distances and the costs involved and I totally get the OP's position and am with her. I wouldn't be hauling ass to Vegas in her position either for part or all of my holiday.

I'm not saying the in law's position is justified. In my book you go abroad, you have no right to expect others to attend. But it is probably more difficult for the in laws to stomach than some other reasons for declining to might be. Because ultimately the OP is choosing an alternative at the same time so it probably feels like more of a snub to them.

Acekicker · 05/11/2012 16:17

Which is you are going to be in the US at THE SAME TIME as the wedding but are instead are choosing to go elsewhere.

Apologies for selectively quoting a post above, but they had kind of summed up the viewpoint of the PILs.

The point your PILs seem to be missing is that the US is huge compared to the UK/Europe, to put the internal flight in context, you could fly to Spain and back in the time it would take to get to Vegas or fly from UK to Cyprus. It's not a case of popping over - travelling alone will take 2 precious days out of your dream holiday. The fact that you're in the same country as the wedding is pretty much neither here nor there given the distances and expense involved and I think they need to understand this.

expatinscotland · 05/11/2012 16:17

'But as a 'third way' the two centres is a good idea. If you were going to Florida for Disney World, you could (if you are feeling gracious) see if you could go to Disney Land at Anaheim which isn't as far away as Florida.'

Because the Disney in Anaheim pales in comparison to the one in Florida, and then, this myth that it's cheap and quick to fly to LV even from SoCal when you're talking about 6 people.

Hulababy · 05/11/2012 16:18

If you have already saved for Florida then go there. If your SIL chooses to have a wedding abroad she cannot expect everyone to be able to attend. Simple as that imo.

My sister got married in Las Vegas and we did go by the way. We have one DD, she was 8y at the time and she was bridesmaid. We went for a week and we had a great time as it happened. DD loved Vegas. We are not gamblers or into heavy drinking/late nights - but we still has a really good time over there for a week, and DD has said she would like to return some time too. There is plenty to do, even for those with children. Have to say that it was incredibly hot (we went in the May half term) the whole time too. We were very surprised at how much of a good time we had.

Hulababy · 05/11/2012 16:20

VoiceofUnreason - in our experience my sister's wedding in Vegas was most definitely NOT tacky in any way shape or form. Like anywhere else you chose what the wedding is like - if you want tacky, it is available, if you want more classy it is also there.

Narked · 05/11/2012 16:24

When did people start making such ridiculous demands of wedding guests? A five day wedding that takes place in Vegas, the vast majority of which isn't child friendly?

Entitled beyond belief.

Narked · 05/11/2012 16:25

It's hardly 'classy' to go to Vegas to get married, however you do it.

Hulababy · 05/11/2012 16:26

Disneyland in LA is not going to be anywhere near the same as a whole two weeks of all the parks in Florida.

Despite having a great time with DD in Vegas I would still say that, as you already have plans and savings, you should continue with your Florida plans. Can you not tell PILs you have already put the deposit down on Florida???

Original poster
notso · 05/11/2012 16:28

SlightlySuperiorPeasant SIL was fine with us not going but we didn't mention Florida.
We mentioned Florida to PIL and they thought "people" wouldn't like it.

I think we need to speak to SIL directly but DH won't.

I think we will end up doing Florida next year Sad.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 05/11/2012 16:28

Marked - can only go on my experience of a wedding there. For the actual wedding service there was no way of knowing you were in Vegas at all; could have been any other small hotel chapel type room. Was a very lovely room and service,. The meal and restaurants afterwards likewise. The preparation in the morning at the salon, etc for hair/make up was all lovely too. Yes, there were photos later in the day by the Vegas sign - but there was no gambling, no casino, no Elvis, etc that day at all. It was just a very nice wedding.

Rowanhart · 05/11/2012 16:31

Could your DH fly for the wedding day and then come back the next day. Because really it's him MIL wants there...

Then you an kids don't miss out, he doesn't feel guilty and in laws will have a smile on their faces.

Particularly if you have villa with pool and could use that day as a chill out one for you and kids.

maebyfunke · 05/11/2012 16:33

Hulababy However classy and wonderful the venue getting married in Vegas is cheesy, but great fun!

Hulababy · 05/11/2012 16:33

I can't say you'd be able to do it in a day flight - it's a good 4/5 hour flight in itself. You would then need to allow for checking in/passport control either end, plus hotel transfer either end. You then have the wedding itself. And then al that on the return. You are going to need 2-3 days turn around for that I would think, so a much bigger chunk out of the holiday, esp mid way through. Would be far more manageable it is was right at the start or end of the holiday.

Mrsjay · 05/11/2012 16:33

Internal flights in the USA are not normally too extravagant, so perhaps you could do a two-centre holiday. There is a lot in vegas for kids, so you could make up your own itinery too.

I was going to suggest this too , you could go to lasbagas for the wedding and fly back to florida the next day if you can afford it, if not go to florida

Original poster
notso · 05/11/2012 16:35

I suppose I could suggest he goes with DD.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 05/11/2012 16:36

I shall have to disagree. It didn't feel tacky in the slightest - in our experience anyway. can't talk about any one else's experience of going to a wedding there. It certainly felt no less nice/lovely than any other hotel based wedding, in UK or abroad, I have been to.

Maybe the preconceptions of a Vegas wedding may seem more tacky to some - but having actually been to one myself I can say, hand on heart, it was in no way tacky and actually the whole wedding day was nothing less than lovely.

Narked · 05/11/2012 16:37

I think you should go to Google maps and show your ILs the distance between Disney World and Las Vegas.

Narked · 05/11/2012 16:38

It's not the wedding itself Hulababy, I'm sure that was lovely, it's the idea of going to Vegas to get married.