to think there should be no such thing as a SAHM

[TalkinPeace2]

they might be an ex investment banker
or a part time nurse
or a part time teacher
or an active volunteer in the community
BUT
in these days where most women are educated at least to 18, very few did not work before kids
and very few will not work when their kids are older
so actually should define themselves by their personal achievements - currently undertaking a prolonged break
rather than some sort of domestic - which is what SAHM implies to me.

Not everyone works for an employer, whether or not they have children. Something I was taught a couple of decades ago is that defining people by their paid work is a bit of a smug middle class thing to do ie asking someone, when you first meet him/her 'What do you do?' and expecting an answer in the form of a job title, doesn't take into account that there's more to life than paid employment.
Some people are unwell and therefore unable to take paid jobs; some have dependents who need fulltime care, some inherited a chunk of cash or won the lottery and therefore decided not to earn a wage as they don't need to; others are actually self-sufficiency types.

also OP you don't know what you're going to do after the SAHMing. A lot of us aren't going to be able to pick up our old careers where we left off so why look back at the past all the time?

I think generally sahms are the least judgy people out there when it comes to careers and degrees and whatever else. Personally I'm far too busy dealing with ds colic, dd and our ever problematic roofto even register whether someone used to be an investment banker or have a degree yet alone have a view on it. Really do not care what people do or did before. I live in the here and now and before is only relevant if it's a conversation about something in that related field.

Why is it "better" to define yourself in terms of your previous employment, or a few hours a week voluntary role, or your future plans?

I am proud to have chosen to stay at home with my children - why can't I define myself in that way for a few years?

I love your responses Pagwatch!!

I'm a SAHM, it works for us, I feel valued and respected by my family and friends and if someone doesn't like it then they can go fuck themselves really, makes no impact on me

I don't really care what I am called. If there are people out there who judge me if I don't rattle off a list of achievement when I am asked what I do then I simply do not care what they think.
My DH has a senior position in a big company but, if asked, just says he works for a xxxx type company. He gives no indication if he is mopping the floors or running the Asian Division.

most women are educated to at least 18
Earth to OP... That's not the case.

It is a quintessentially British thing to define yourself and judge others based on their occupation. I (as an Irish person) consider the question "What do you do?" rather odd and rude. As far as I'm concerned if you don't know, then there's a good reason for that - because it's none of your business. When people ask me that question I can see they're trying to pigeonhole me somehow. To me, my job is just something I happen to do, it has nothing to do with who I am as a person.

So rather than worrying about how you "define" yourself - perhaps it's more sensible to wonder why people need to be "defined" at all?

No problem with the term, because, let's see..THAT'S WHAT I DO!!

What I do have an issue with is society's devaluation of what I believe to be the most important, rewarding and fun job that I've ever had.

And yes- I did have a 'good' career before I made the decision to be the full time carer of our DD.

It's a fucked up world that gives more credence to my old (mercenary and money grabbing) employment than to my current vocation.

If someone asks me what I do I'd feel a little foolish saying what I used to do years ago and I don't feel that being a sahm is so shitty that I have to dress it up with some sort of qualifier.

Yes, it screams I am ashamed of my current situation, imo.

I am a SAHM. I spent the 1st few years of my children's life thinking it makes me a lesser person. Looking back I have grown more as a person, learnt more, become more patient and tolerant and when the children are older my experiences will make me a better employee. For now though I am proud to be a SAHM

I work 3 days a week. On my two days off I often see the same mums around and I suspect that at least some of them assume I am a SAHM. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

If someone asks if I work I'll say yes but then make a comment along the lines of "very occassionally".

If they ask what I do then I'll either give the name of the (big in our city) employer I work for or my profession depending on the circumstances but generally I just give the company as it saves explanations.

(Just for the record I'm an actuary. I'm even pretty good at it. But when I'm with dd I'm "Katie's mummy" and that works for me.)

I have been at home with my kids for 13 years now, I do various things to pass the time including being a company director.

As a family we are not rich but I did inherit a nice little nest-egg from an elderly relative.

I am SO tempted to say " actually I am independently wealthy" if anyone asks me what I do, that should shut them up ( must practice a posh voice).

FFS

What difference does it make. I was a director of a large European dept of a plc. I stopped working a couple of years ago (early 40's) because I could - I am very lucky, I know. My DS is an adult and finished university. My husband works hard and I support him to the best of my ability. When I meet someone for the first time, I'm not going to tell them what I did. Who cares?

I am me, not a job title.

I'm currently in the human manufacturing industry

I do know quite a few SAHDs and they refer to themselves as 'SAHDs'. No idea what they used to do or plan on doing afterwards (well actually I do with one of them, but not any of the others).

Tethers

I live tethers job description.

I working in behaviour modification. It's cutting edge research, but I'm hopeful it will yield results in the next few years.

live? love. Sorry

I don't like the suggestion that the most important things I have done were before I had a child.

I'm not fussed if people know what I did pre-children or not. I'm a mum. I'm happier being a mum than I've ever been before. I don't care about having a career.

If I choose to define myself as a full time mother this is not 'talking myself down'. I am prouder of being a mum than of anything else.

I was very glad to leave my profession to become a SAHM as I no longer get this:
"What do you do"
"I'm a secondary teacher"
"Ooh you're brave"

I do not intend to take up and full time, permanent post again. I intend to be self employed, but right now I am raising 2 little boys to be as awesome as possible, and anyone who thinks that's not worthy can fuck right off.

I was educated to 18. All I ever wanted was to have children. I don't see why being the person who keeps the house, looks after the children and generally keeps people happy is wrong. That's my career of choice! The fact that I have never been able to have the career I wanted makes me very sad!

Personally, I think you should wind your neck in!

I don't use it, it isn't descriptive of what I do. Am rarely at home and have little interest in the domestic. I can't help but link the phrase to the kind of representations that are in that Tiger coming to Tea book or some 50s article on how to knock back valium whilst keeping self, home and children attractive and attentive to the man of the house.