to think there should be no such thing as a SAHM

[TalkinPeace2]

they might be an ex investment banker
or a part time nurse
or a part time teacher
or an active volunteer in the community
BUT
in these days where most women are educated at least to 18, very few did not work before kids
and very few will not work when their kids are older
so actually should define themselves by their personal achievements - currently undertaking a prolonged break
rather than some sort of domestic - which is what SAHM implies to me.

I consider myself to be very very very lucky that I can stay at home with our baby. I think it's awful that some mums have to go back to work very soon after having a baby because they can't get by on one wage.

so you think i'm 'just a domestic' then, OP

how very nice and judgey for you

if it were anyone elses business as to they whys and wherefores as to my being not in gainful employment, some would pass comment that i am 'lucky' to have a DP who earns enough to allow me the freedom to stay at home

So what do you do?

Mostly whatever the fuck I want.

And what's wrong with being a "domestic"??? Do you have an issue with toilet cleaners.... ?

I am a sahm. I was also a marketing manager but I never ever mention that save for here in this thread as its not important. I am not defined by paid work or career. It just isn't important to me. It's quite a narrow minded assumption to make to think most people judge others by career and employment or that people care that they do !

you're an ex-SW too then gwennie

I'm a sahm and happy to be one. I am not a domestic goddess unfortunately

Well I describe myself as a sahm.
I am also a part time student.
I do voluntary work for church and the local school.
I am also my mothers main carer.
Stunt really seems issue.
If I am talking to someone and they lose interest in talking to me when I say I am a sahm then in all probability they are not that much of a loss are they?

...don't really see the issue...bloody auto correct!

I don't think the op is being judgy !

I think the opposite - she thinks 'sahm' is laden with false assumptions and should be changed.

I disagree with that but she is not being judgy IMHO

I was a great sahm, but a rubbish housewife.

No, i don't think she is being judgy. But i think sahm is areasonable desciptive term

Bloody ipad sausage fingers

I just sit on my arse drinking coffee and eating biscuits all day

Well, I became a SAHM when I was 22. Before that I'd been a waitress, a sales assistant, a secretary and a receptionist. I never went to uni or did A Levels, I left school when I was 16. So how I've described myself for the past 11 years is a mum, not a former waitress, sales assistant, receptionist, secretary.

i think she's being judgey for using the phrase 'just a domestic'

that's so loaded IMO

Exactly. It's only an obsession for women with degrees.

I am a sahm and happy to be so. I worked in shops before i had ds1 at 17 and ex shop assistant sounds silly.

I dont get what's wrong with being one, sure im not saving the world but im happy with my lot

I think you're undervaluing looking after children, OP.
I had some personal achievements in my career and I have some in looking after children too. I think my SAHMing achievements are as important and worthwhile as the career ones.

Plus it's sometimes more relevant to the finding a topic of conversation. Like most people I find it more interesting to chat about what I'm doing at the moment than what I did 10 years ago. And if they ask me questions related to my old job I often won't know the answer because things have changed and I haven't kept up. At other times, though, it is relevant and I happily go 'I used to be a university lecturer' and we talk about it.

I think you address being silly.

SAHM refers to what someone does at the moment.

If someone asks me what I do, I tell them what I do now, not "I used to do this, then I did that, now I do the other".

I'd rather be and am a SAHM than an "ex part time shit shoveller" which is what I was before. It took a LOT of bloody hard work and sacrifice and effort on the part of me and my DH to get us to this point, where I get to stay home and look after the children, and I don't actually give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks - it suits us, makes us happy, works for us, and makes the children happy.

OP, maybe you just need to redefine how you think of SAHMs. It's your problem, not mine.

SAH MOTHER - you know, someone who cares for the children. Some sort of domestic - here, have one of these .

I can see why somebody might object to 'SAHM'. Becasue really she doesn't just stay at home. She is out and about.

Personal choice!