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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think there should be no such thing as a SAHM

649 replies

TalkinPeace2 · 04/11/2012 18:09

they might be an ex investment banker
or a part time nurse
or a part time teacher
or an active volunteer in the community
BUT
in these days where most women are educated at least to 18, very few did not work before kids
and very few will not work when their kids are older
so actually should define themselves by their personal achievements - currently undertaking a prolonged break
rather than some sort of domestic - which is what SAHM implies to me.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 09/11/2012 19:49

it might well do.but it's not factual statement
it's a bit chief bottle washer and cook
whimsy and funny but of course not meant to be taken seriously

amillionyears · 09/11/2012 20:04

I am beginning to think that the issue about SAHMs and WOHMs, isnt that the WOHMs think they dont want to be SAHMS so much; it is that they see work outside the home as being far more important [to them], than the SAHMs do.

blueshoes · 09/11/2012 20:05

amazingmum, your cv is impressive but all working parents do that also.

None of us do it to professional standards, so it would be a bit much to call myself a nurse just because I put a plaster on a graze.

amillionyears · 09/11/2012 20:08

I, and other SAHMs I suspectcouldnt give much of a flying fig what we did previously.
Yes we may go back to it again, but we dont need it to bolster up who we are.

MiniTheMinx · 09/11/2012 20:13

My job is boring beyond belief even though I set my own hours and I'm self employed. I do it through choice but compared to the time I can sit down with a good book, engage in a debate with Dp about politics or help Dcs with their maths, it really is very dull. I have read more and feel that my brain is far better for having taken time out at home. On the daily tread mill I didn't have time to study, to read or even think very deeply about things.

Original poster
TalkinPeace2 · 09/11/2012 20:15

freerange
Not for the way my brain works.
I would never go back to work full time for any one employer - the total across the different income streams might add up to FT sometimes, but that is my choice.
I love what I do. I'm working on an internal controls audit report right now next to the keyboard. Why would I want to stop?
I love my kids. Why would I want to work full time and miss out on the good times with them?
There is no black and white, its all a sliding scale.
I love where I sit on it.
I hate the media (and MN) pressure to sit at either ends of it.

OP posts:
amillionyears · 09/11/2012 20:23

How would you feel TalkinPeace2, if you could no longer say that you are an accountant?

MargoLeadbettersfrock · 09/11/2012 20:26

amillionyears
By that token I dont need to bolster up who I am - Women, Mother, Wife,Midwife, Daughter,Friend,cook,reader,knitter, swimmer,runner,Cat Wrangler /Smoocher Grin
This is who I am - Im not going to apologise for it and neither should any other woman who has chosen her life.
I really think the whole SAHM= boring- is very childish
Women who WOH = boring- is very childish
Get to know the person without labelling them.

Original poster
TalkinPeace2 · 09/11/2012 20:28

why would that happen?

then I'd revert to Company Secretary
or Internal Controls Auditor
or one of my many other hats
my job title does not define me.
I had my copies of Computing addressed to "el Presidente" for a while.
I could even call myself DH's PA and be happy

so long as I'm there to cheer the kids on and pick them up around it all ...

OP posts:
amillionyears · 09/11/2012 20:30

I agree with you Margo.

amillionyears · 09/11/2012 20:32

So are you saying, TalkinPeace2, that absolutely any title is good enough for you in the world except SAHM?

Original poster
TalkinPeace2 · 09/11/2012 20:35

Aha, here's a silly question.
How old were you before you had kids
and what level of qualifications had you reached ?

In my case, DH and I , having been together since Uni, consciously waited till I was ACCA qualified before having kids as we knew it would make our long term opportunities better.
Then I was lucky that I fell into a good self employment situation that fitted around looking after kids without needing childcare.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 09/11/2012 20:37

amillionyears Fri 09-Nov-12 20:08:12
"I, and other SAHMs I suspectcouldnt give much of a flying fig what we did previously.
Yes we may go back to it again, but we dont need it to bolster up who we are."

Well said. Your job should not define who you are, IMO.

scottishmummy · 09/11/2012 20:40

im not defined by being mother
not defined by my career
both significantly important to me

Original poster
TalkinPeace2 · 09/11/2012 20:41

amillionyears
if there was a box to tick two occupations, then I would GLADLY tick SAHM as one of them
BUT
I could never afford to be a full time SAHM (financially and mentally) so no, I do not count it as my primary "me" .

OP posts:
amillionyears · 09/11/2012 20:45

TalkinPeace2 post 20.35pm
Is that question to me?
Had kids at 27
Have A Levels and a few Banking exams

Original poster
TalkinPeace2 · 09/11/2012 20:49

amillionyears
you follow me around the site and then think I post about you
sorry but there are no dots to join up
I post generally

OP posts:
amillionyears · 09/11/2012 20:50

op, your op said mums should define themselves by their personal achievements rather than some sort of domestic which is what SAHM implies.
Now you say that if there were a box to tick two occupations, then you would gladly tick SAHM as one of them.

I consider that you have moderated. Good.

amillionyears · 09/11/2012 20:51

I follow you around the site?
eh?

Shagmundfreud · 09/11/2012 20:56

The only people who define themselves by their professions are people who think that their professional label implies something flattering about them.

Personally I think anyone who says they would be brain dead if they were a SAHM is unimaginative, unenterprising and probably not much of a thinker.

There is a whole world full of interesting things and interesting people out there. You don't have to be at work to access it.

scottishmummy · 09/11/2012 21:07

lol,what an irritable outburst brimming with assumptions
you've gone to town with the petty name calling
why?

Original poster
TalkinPeace2 · 09/11/2012 21:12

shagmundfeud
I genuinely do not understand your point.
I enjoy what i do. I see no reason to stop. I do not plan to retire.
I'm lucky that I can fit what I do around being there for my children.
I would never be a full time SAHM, I would also never be a full time working Mum.
Why is that so radical.
I'm even luckier in that DH, self employed as well, fits hours to slot around so between us we are always there for our children.

OP posts:
MargoLeadbettersfrock · 09/11/2012 21:22

Couldnt agree more Talkin
Should I pretend not to be a Midwife if someone asks me what I do ?
I dont define myself as a Midwife because I think its flatteringHmm its because its my job and what I do - 12.5 hour shifts,years of studying and practice.
I am also a wife, mother etc and the tired looking middle aged woman at the bus stop at 06.45.
Why is this any difference to saying you are a SAHM who also volunteers at a local charity. It is what you do .

MargoLeadbettersfrock · 09/11/2012 21:23

The last sentence was not aimed at you Talkin it was general

perfumedlife · 09/11/2012 21:33

I'm genuinely confused TalkinPeace2 and think I must have misunderstood your op entirely Grin

You say there should be no such term as SAHM but that your job title doesn't define you. What is it you are saying please? That, when asked what you do, mothers who SAH should refer to their hobbies? Old jobs from ten years earlier?