to think there should be no such thing as a SAHM

[TalkinPeace2]

they might be an ex investment banker
or a part time nurse
or a part time teacher
or an active volunteer in the community
BUT
in these days where most women are educated at least to 18, very few did not work before kids
and very few will not work when their kids are older
so actually should define themselves by their personal achievements - currently undertaking a prolonged break
rather than some sort of domestic - which is what SAHM implies to me.

YABU my current status as a SAHM means much more to me than my previous job as a teacher. I also have a part time job which I love but if I'm asked what I do, I am first and foremost a SAHM.

I'm not sure why you're worried about how other people fill their days OP. I think filling in a tax return while recovering from a birth is really sad. If I found myself in that position I think I'd bawl my eyes out. But you think it's great. Horses for courses.

Does it really matter???

I am more than happy to be a SAHM, i have no intentions of returning back to work even when my DC's have all upped and left home. It does not mean that i am not worthy as a person
I really dont think anyone would be interested in any of the jobs i did before i had my Dc's and have no need to refer to them to make myself look better for the sake of others.
.
Most people dont give a crap on how you refer to yourself or what you do for a living but if they do feel the need to judge you on that then they are really not worth bothering with.
TBH i think it's a bit snobbish (or should that be knobbish??) of you if you think that we shouldn't refer to ourselves as SAHM's. I am not ashamed of it, why should i be?

but if it really bothers you that much then thats your problem.....not mine!

I'd rather be a stay at home mother than work full time and pay someone else to look after my kids!

I worked for 3 years. Have been a SAHM for 15. I work hard.
I get bored of justifying it. I get bored of being asked what my previous job was. I get bored of being asked when will i go back to work.
I think i deserve respect for my choices in life as much as anyone else. If you wish to see me as a domestic that says more about you than me. I have an interesting and diverse life.

I'm a SAHM and I love it, my brain is not mush (yet...) and my days are filled with exciting and interesting things.

Why would I choose to define or title myself by my previous career, which I hated, when I can define myself with a role which I love and that leaves me thoroughly fulfilled?

Just because life works one way for you OP doesn't mean the rest of us should/do feel the same. You just sound patronising.

essentially we all define ourselves by what matters
I love the precious moments why have em if someone else watch em crew
equally I dont expect anyone justify their choices. we can vociferously disagree.more fun

Do you know the most un feminist thing in the world is one woman telling another how to define themselves?
For that OP you lost all my respect.

op, you have links with the USA.
I am wondering whether because domestics there can have a bit of a different meaning, whether that is part of the reason for the way you are thinking.
Maybe not, just trying to join some dots.

Quite right Scottish. For example, I wouldn't swap with Xenia for anything, her life wouldn't fulfill me and I have no desire for the level of income she talks of. Equally, she would be miserable in my position - a SAHM who has given up her career, with very little hope of ever getting it back.

But, that being said, I'm happy and from her posts I assume she is too, so that is all that matters really.

:-)
I never try to join other people's dots

do all your husbands describe themselves as Working Dads?
just for equality sake

No my DH doesn't describe himself as anything unless he has to fill in a form that calls for his occupation. Why are you so concerned with what people call themselves? Is it all about appearances or do you not value people for who they are?

No, my DH wouldn't call himself a working dad because when asked the 'what do you do?' question the socially accepted answer to that question is to reveal your profession, so DH would say 'I am an accountant' because that is the socially expected answer.

He is a working dad, but having just asked him, he thinks people would think he was a bit of a twat if he replied with 'oh, I'm a working dad'.

I am self employed and work from home, I would rather tell you I am a SAHM than tell you I run a business why? because being a mother is the most important and worthwhile contribution I will ever make to society. I don't think mine will look back and say, gosh wasn't Mummy great at working.......all that money she paid in tax was a great sacrifice.

Equally, I've never heard any woman say 'I'm a working mum'. They may say 'I'm a nurse' or 'I'm a part-time paramedic' or 'I'm a SAHM' but it sounds very clunky to just say 'I'm a working mum'.

Just read OxfordBags post from 21:18, I think I love her!

not sure your point is op.employed person works.housewife doesnt work
when asked what do you do I say my job,never say I'm mum and job
mum isnt my job.being parent isn't job, its the emotional/practical tasks parents do

Housewives don't work ! all work has an economic and social value, domestic work and mothering has an economic value even if that is not recognised under the capitalist mode of production through wage payment.

you don't work.you do domestic tasks to your internal pace and standard
if you worked an employer would demand external standards, quality,rate
because you undertake tasks at home,own rate,non-profit you're not working

I agree with *Scottish', I don't work in that I'm not employed. But, I do 'work hard' in my role of SAHM. I do a lot, but the tasks I do are largely domestic and childcare related (obviously) and they are at my own pace (mostly) and I have no pressure such as management appraisals and deadlines to meet. But like I said, having two toddlers all day everyday can be very hard work!

I don't think the fact that I am not employed defines me, or indeed matters, to anyone but me.

Paid work has a social value non? not just a monetary reward? Think about it.......why does anyone employ you? simple answer would be to make profit from your labour but if your services or special skills were not required by humanity either in the production of goods and services or socially in the form of human endevour in education, health or welfare then no amount of wage cutting or even volunteering would guarantee your role.

However parenting has a social value that remains constant over several thousand years, plus children are the workers & tax payers of tomorrow and the consumers of today. Raising children has an economic as well as social value.

essentially what we do defines us to someone,and we will be judged by it
however, I don't care what anyone thinks of my ft job,kids nursery 6mth yada yada
equally don't expect anyone else cares what I think of housewifery as choice

op, are you concerned that SAHMs dont value themselves enough, or that you think less of them for being a SAHM.

how does one measure social value,given housewife is not externally assessed
I raise my dc,but it's not a job,it's what parents do.it's not job it's the regard we give our dc
let's not pretend housewife's a job,it most certainly isn't.it's individual work in own home

Mini I think it has a massive and underestimated social value, but if asked 'do you work?' as a SAHM I would always answer 'no, I'm a SAHM'. Usually people are asking that question to find out, for whatever reason, whether you are in paid employment or to find out what your profession is.

They aren't asking if the way you fill your time has a non-monetary social or economic value to it.