...not to want dh to wander around half-naked?

[cavell]

Particularly when, by "half naked" I am referring to the bottom half?
Dh likes to wander around wearing just a t-shirt/shirt and no pants such that his "bits" are left dangling. Sometimes he even has socks on, too.
AIBU to find this borderline revolting? It reminds me of a potty-training toddler, tbh.
Background: together 20 years, married 15, two dds aged 11 and 7. DH's body is okay, albeit a bit skinny. He knows I don't like to see him walking around in his state of undress, but he thinks I am becoming prudish and that he should be able to relax in his own home and not worry about what he is wearing... Should add also that my libido is very low at the moment and seeing his undercarriage peeking out from the bottom of a t-shirt isn't helping at all.
AIBU?

FourthTimeAround, you're presuming that being described as a hardcore feminist is an insult.

This man is clearly a sleazy fucker and if taking a no-nonsense attitude towards his bullshit makes one Millie Tant, then shave my head and slap on my Doc Martens, because every word AF has written is spot-on.

It doesn't matter if this habit started from genuine innocence, the fact that he continues to do it in the full knowledge that it disgusts and creeps out his wife and female children, then he is only doing it for one reason and that reason is a sick one. No other way around it.

Op, this isn't a matter of lacking empathy or whatever (although he's hardly catch of the year if he lacks empathy, is it, what with it being a basic building block of non-abusive relationships) - you don't need empathy to know you don't expose yourself to your children this way. My DBro is an Aspie and will ask 'why is your face wet?' when someone cries but he knows not to walk around with his cock out, FFS.

You need to ask yourself some simple questions, OP:

1. Would your father have done this? (I have a feeling the answer would be 'no fucking way').
2. Why didn't your father do this? (because he's not a sleazy freakand because it is NOT what 'most men do').
3. How would you have felt if he had done this?
4. If he had, what would have wanted your mum to do about it?
5. Why the fuck aren't you doing what you would've wanted to happen if you'd have been in that situation? (I know it's not your fault, but if he won't stop it, then you have to step up and change the situation).

BTW, forcing children and young people to live in an atmosphere of inappropriate sexualisation or sexual awareness - which includes routinely exposing your genitalia despite having it made clear to you that it repulses and upsets your offspring - is legally classified as child abuse/incest. Think about that. Please. He cannot be considered a good father whilst he does this, because it negates everything else he might do.

OP you need to take seriously what Oxford has written. As I posted earlier, your family will be flagged for investigation if your DDs mention this in school or to any adult legally obliged to report suspected sexual abuse.

I hope if you and they get nowhere with the very reasonable request that their father covers up at home they will find someone in school or outside the family to confide in about this. The very obvious sexual element of this will be an immediate red flag for the school and rightly so.

You need a plan in place for if and/or when he decides to push the envelope and do it again, or do something else that is equally inappropriate. Please judge what he may do next by how it looks and not by what you imagine to be his benign intentions.

"forcing children and young people to live in an atmosphere of inappropriate sexualisation or sexual awareness - which includes routinely exposing your genitalia despite having it made clear to you that it repulses and upsets your offspring - is legally classified as child abuse/incest." It's not incest. You must resist getting carried away as it dilutes the force of your arguments hugely.

Walking around half-dressed may be inappropriate. But it's not incest.

Oxford said:

the fact that he continues to do it in the full knowledge that it disgusts and creeps out his wife and female children

and is hereby cordially invited to find some evidence from the OP's posts for the suggestion that this is the effect of his odd behaviour.

Not defending OP's other half - I have never done this and would never do it myself - but there is a lot of character assassination going on here vis a vis a man who (I presume) isn't here to defend himself...

Btw - from the OP:

Should add also that my libido is very low at the moment and seeing his undercarriage peeking out from the bottom of a t-shirt isn't helping at all.

Okay, so he should avoid adopting a look you find unsexy to make you feel better? Hmm.. this is really a very interesting (albeit provocative) thread..

The man was given the chance but declined. Apparently it is beneath him to consider the opinions of others,

Don't be so sensitive on his behalf, Fourth. His hide has been toughened by all that exposure.

Unless you are in fact him...

There is such a thing as leaving something to the imagination. It can go a long way in matters bedroom related.

Your fourth name on Mumsnet is it, fourth ?

It's a bit odd that he's chosen to go naked on the bottom while wearing something on top. It's usually undercrackers on the bottom and nothing on top. YANBU.

You should get your DH to explain his strange reasoning and then tell him you don't want to see his flaccid undercarriage flapping around, and that your girls don't either. He should reverse his nakedness. If his undercrackers are the problem, he needs to get new ones. If that fails, cover your sofa with Fiery Jack deep heat rub!

Forr the record, my parents were both very 'liberated' and insisted on walking around the house stark bollock naked, because it was their house and they could do so if they liked.

It was mortifying after a certain age. I now have a real issue with being naked and my son has certainly never had to put up with this.

OP, your DH could actually end up giving your DD's issues.

I used to see my dad naked and I don't have issues. If I had told my dad to stop it he would have. Op when did you first ask him to stop?

He sounds like one of those primates that have to wave their big shiny red bottoms all over the shop.

There is a saying that familiarity breeds contempt. It is definitely the case here. Seeing too much of her her DH's dangly bits has left her completely contempuous of them. It isn't surprising really. Even if they were the most beautiful thing in the world, they would become just wallpaper if you are forced to look at them on a daily basis. There is something to be said for leaving something to the imagination.

Regardless of all that, if the OP doesn't want to see her husband prancing around like that she shouldn't have to. The man should know that forcing his wife to look at his dick all day isn't doing much for her appreciation of the rest of him and their relationship. I am amazed he can't see that yet.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Dh wouldn't do it because he wouldn't feel comfortable around the girls completely naked although he has been known to run from the bathroom to the bedroom occasionally or to the loo late at night (he sleeps naked).

If it were just us, I have no doubt that he would spend large amounts of his time at home in next to nothing, but then I probably would too.

I walk about the house naked all the time. Quite often I remember to do something while I am dressing/undressing & will go off & do it. I often straighten my hair naked (usually do it just out of the bath if it didn't get wet).

I'm still intrigued with the op's complaints about her dh undressing in the wrong order. Op do you think he's doing it to upset you?

I am intrigued by the distant badgering of the op. Head, you've made your point. Several times.

?Constant

"Okay, so he should avoid adopting a look you find unsexy to make you feel better? Hmm.. this is really a very interesting (albeit provocative) thread.."

Fourthtimearound You don't half type bollocks.

I am now worried by the idea that the OP's DFiL did this as well. I now keep hearing in my mind Cavell's inlaws sitting down with a series of slapping sounds!

As a thought Cavell (apart from trying the Deep Heat on the chairs which my DH highly recommends), have you photographed him in his toddler get-up and actually showed him how ridiculous he looks to you and creepy he looks to your DDs?

That was a ridiculous way of framing a point, Fab, I agree. Should he stop exposing his genitals to his family on a regular basis despite their discomfort? Of course.

Badgering? She'll only see my question if she reads this thread. And she's more than capable of declining/ignoring the opportunity to elaborate If she so wishes.

Funbag I had the same experience, having seen my own father naked more than once is something I cringe at now, in fairness he didn't strut around, more ran to the bathroom, but I have just seen more of him than I ever wanted to see and wish to goodness I hadn't!

I know several people whose parents were either into the nudist scene or walked around naked a lot, and without exception, we have all grown up more prudish than our parents. I don't hide my body in front of my children, but nor do I flaunt it, and that's what's odd about this situation.

Holy crap this is one helluva thread.
OP LTB
Do you not care that your house is covered in his excrement/shite?
Plus he is a total selfish bstard. Gross man/idiot.

Ok... have just updated myself with the latest comments.

Not had a recurrence of the bottomless look since Sunday - not yet, anyway.

Although, to be fair, it wasn't ever something he did every day - just from time to time. And regarding breakfast... well, he didn't exactly plonk his nob on the table next to his cornflakes. He'd be sitting at the table so there wasn't much to see (thank goodness).

As far as I know, FIL no longer walks around naked. I certainly haven't ever been treated to that particular sight. He's 79.

I still don't agree that dh is abusive. Yes, he has his faults. But the half-naked thing? I think he does this partly for physical comfort, partly because it winds me up. A bit passive-aggressive, maybe.

I will keep the deep heat idea at the back of my mind, should it prove to be necessary.

Mumsyblouse, yes, I am rather prudish about nudity. It should be a private thing!

cavell, you don't like it and now your latest post reads as you are making excuses for and defending him.

What are you going to do the next time he sits down for dinner without pants on?