...not to want dh to wander around half-naked?

[cavell]

Particularly when, by "half naked" I am referring to the bottom half?
Dh likes to wander around wearing just a t-shirt/shirt and no pants such that his "bits" are left dangling. Sometimes he even has socks on, too.
AIBU to find this borderline revolting? It reminds me of a potty-training toddler, tbh.
Background: together 20 years, married 15, two dds aged 11 and 7. DH's body is okay, albeit a bit skinny. He knows I don't like to see him walking around in his state of undress, but he thinks I am becoming prudish and that he should be able to relax in his own home and not worry about what he is wearing... Should add also that my libido is very low at the moment and seeing his undercarriage peeking out from the bottom of a t-shirt isn't helping at all.
AIBU?

Thanks AF.

He's certainly knocked spots off her biological father, that's for sure !!

His relationship with their mother was very short lived (she wanted to split,not him) and not what you would call a successful relationship at all.

But l am always so pleased they got together as it has resulted in one lovely little girl, who has not been dealt the luckiest hand, gaining a loving devoted dad for keeps. Plus obviously my youngest DGD.

[proud mum]

I have to go and do some of this RL mallarkey now, so dont think l have actually burst with pride or something when l disappear.

Sorry - just to clarify - my sons relationship with their mother - l was referring to there.

Sudaname, what a lovely DS you have - you have obviously done a great job bringing him up.

OP I am glad that your DH has agreed to cover his bits up

He thinks he is doing you some extraordinary favour by covering his genitals in a house where there are two girls old enough to notice, and a wife who is repulsed by the sight of it all flapping about?

He is seriously up himself and I stick by what I said earlier. There is something, perhaps two things really, really wrong with him.

That phrase 'his house' -- don't dismiss it. It deserves much more weight than you are giving it.

'I don't think it is fair to say he is abusive - I really don't think he is. Yes, he can be petulant and sulky at times and he isn't empathetic. But I don't think his lack of empathy is down to malice - he is just someone who struggles to see anyone else's point of view. '

You are judging him by what you assume are his intentions but you should be judging his actual behaviour, his words and his actions -- because those are the things that are having an effect on your girls. Those are the things that will shape their view of men, of relationships, of their own rights within relationships, along with your behaviour and actions, and not your intentions. How they behave when they are adults, and their basic attitudes to themselves and to others are being formed now by what they see and hear and feel and not what you intend or what he may (or may not) intend.

He is an adult and so are you, and if you are able to see how your actions come across, or anticipate how they might affect others, then why do you not expect him to do this?

You are allowing him to get away with behaviour that is actively harming your DDs if you let him be a sulk, moody, petulant, and lacking in empathy, a man who struggles to see anyone else's pov. Does anyone else in the family get to behave like this?

Wrt to the comment about it being or not being a British attitude/cultural issue ahow are we to explain cultures that spend their lives naked and view people who try to cover themselves suspiciously. Attitudes to nudity are not intrinsic to humans specifically the notion that nakedness is perverted or deviant.

"Wrt to the comment about it being or not being a British attitude/cultural issue ahow are we to explain cultures that spend their lives naked and view people who try to cover themselves suspiciously. "

Which are these cultures? Don't most cultures cover the genitals even if they are pretty much naked elsewhere?

This issue may well be - in fact, almost certainly is - about "Britsih" cultural attitudes. I'm British, Dh is British, we loive in Britain. If we wer, say, Masai then perhaps his being pantless wouldn't be an issue.

I started this thread to see whether it was normal or commonplace for men to walk around their homes without wearing pants. I suspected it wasn't, but wanted to be sure.

I'm grateful for the responses. Some made me giggle. But others have made me think about my whole relationship with dh. There's a lot to think about.

So sorry for the numerous typos above.

I think you'd struggle to find a culture that selective exposes the genitals whilst covering other body parts, to be honest.

Maybe in Strangeland.

Maasai keep their genitals covered

it is definitely not common place for Maasai fathers to be exposing their genitals to their prepubescent daughters

Just copied from Wiki:

Different traditions exist among, for example, sub-Saharan Africans, partly persisting in the post-colonial era. Whereas it is the norm among some ethnic and family groups including some Burkinabese and Nilo-Saharan (e.g. Nuba and Surma people) in daily life or on particular occasions not to wear any clothes or without any covering below the waist ? for example, at highly-attended stick-fighting tournaments well-exposed young men use the occasion to catch the eye of a prospective bride.

The upshot is that each culture and family have their own attitude to nudity but where others within that family are offended by nudity it would be sensible to comply within reason for the sake of group cohesion. However I don't think it right to label someone with a different attitude to nudity as 'abusive'.

I think you're scraping the barrel there to justify the selfish rudeness of somebody none of those exceptions apply to.

my dh is Maasai....you may find nudity at ceremonies, but not at meal times....

if someone is exerting their nudity on young girls, who are uncomfortable with it...that is pretty much abusive

I'm probably confusing things here by bringing the two separate issues of attitudes to public and private nudity together.

I just don't see how indulging in a spot of cultural relativism is at all useful here.

The point is it's not about nudity or cultural differences, it's about a father walking around fully dressed on his upper half with his willie out.
That's just weird.

The point is it's not about nudity or cultural differences, it's about a father walking around fully dressed on his upper half with his willie out.
That's just weird.

this
at last back to the point it is weird and disrespectful

Would it be weird if he was on his own, or with family that didn't mind? If his family do mind he shouldn't do it, thats the 'not okay' bit, that his wife and kids are not happy about it. He should stop. But if another family across the street do this where it's happening and no one cares or complains then should that stop too? Is that weird too?

. But if another family across the street do this where it's happening and no one cares or complains then should that stop too? Is that weird too?

No if they are comfy with it then of course not but i don't see a lot of people comfortableon this thread with him top half dressed and his penis hanging out IMo reading the OP it is strange and he is not taking into account of other people in the home feelings, It is strange way to go about imo

head I am not sure how you can use that passage to justify anything you have said

the last line talks about how the young men expose their genitals in hope of catching the eye of a future bride

does what this bloke is doing (exposing his genitals to his young daughters) seem any more right to you, or even more wrong after reading that?

your answer to that question is pretty crucual

*crucial

I wouldn't say "most" men do it at all actually! Mine likes being naked but he wouldn't go naked in front of our DCs. He does like to get naked in the bedroom and wave his wang at me however....sigh

and anyway this thread isn't abut nudity is disgusting it seems to be about a really 'bossy it is my house I can do what i want man' who is disrespecting his girl children,

"You are judging him by what you assume are his intentions but you should be judging his actual behaviour"

Spot on as usual, mathanxiety. It's not good enough for him to whine that he's doing it for his comfort because nobody else's lack of comfort registers with him. The crux of the matter is the long-term effect on his daughters, what his priorities (and yours) teach them about their place in any future relationships and whether they can expect to be respected (or not, in your husband's case).

any I have already conceded that bringing the two sperate issues of public and private nudity together could be confusing and unhelpful although I did so in response to the mention of British attitudes to nudity and not in a response op. I myself have different attitudes to both types of nudity myself and this thread also shows very differing views on parental nudity in the home as do the other threads on MN concerning the same. Clearly the ritual is not a good comparison. It would have to be proven that op's DH walked around without pants on delibarately for the express purpose of his kids seeing his penis.