over feeling uneasy that a 38 year old woman is a GM for the third timr

[SoleSource]

because her DD has had a third child?

(parent at DS school)

I am 38...one child aged 14.

Is my attitude a bit old fashioned? Is this becoming the norm?

My friends mum only turned 40 a short while ago and she has six grandchildren. Her eldest daughter has 4 and my friend has 2, 2 mothers, 6 fathers :(

My mum has 13 grandchildren at the age of 50, I think we have all aged her

It is depressing when you are chatting to a nice mum at the school gate, your same age, only to find out she's there to pick up her grandchild . Turns out I was on very friendly terms with her DD, too.

But only depressing for me because I'm getting old, they hadn't done anything distasteful by having kids young.

My best friend's mum became a great-granny at the age of 61.

My sister is a granny in her 30s she hadc her children young and my neice has PCOS so decided to have her babies young as well, really can't see what is bad about it.

MASSIVE advantage as far as I can see, many hands make light work.

my dses' great granny became a great granny aged 55.

Yanbu. There are plenty of initiatives, budgets and educational provision all aimed at preventing teenage pregnancies. I have seen statistics supporting the notion that children born to teenage mothers are more likely to themselves have children very young. It's obviously not easy to reach the children most likely to become teenage parents.

These threads always piss me off. I've not read the whole thing because quite frankly, I can't be bothered to be getting annoyed at this time of night.

I'll read the rest of it tomorrow, but I just want to say this and apologies if its already been said:

I'm a teenage parent. I had my DD at 17. I chose this for myself, don't feel sorry for me or sad for me, that makes you a patronizing wanker.

I'm not missing out on anything just because I have my DD. why feel sorry for someone having a child? A child is a blessing, feeling sorry for someone having a child is like saying the child shouldn't be here IMO.

Teenage parents can still be good parents, being older doesn't make you a better person than me.

I can still have a career, live my life and have a dang good time doing so. Having my DD isn't a burden, it enriches my life further.

SoleSource, its none of your business if someone is a grandma at 38. And why would someone being a grandma at 38 make other people think you were a grandma at 38? WTH?

Happymum, You can be a young parent and go to university you know. im going next year, DD will be 18MO. You can also have a happy relationship, what a bizzare thing to say.

See this is yet another example of where being on MN has made me a better person. Because I have a very narrow peer group, wherein everyone went to university, got married at 28 and had 2 babies by 34. I knew no one who had children in their early twenties, and basically assumed anyone who did was a bit Jeremy Kyle. Yes, I was a massive twat. And the thing is, I am 36 and TTC and desperately hoping that ship hasn't sailed.

To be honest I think it's common as fuck, but no doubt I will be called a snob for saying so.

AS someone who had their first DC at 16, I DO feel sad for what these girls miss out on.

I love the very bones of my DD, and wouldn't change when I had her, because otherwise she wouldn't be her IYSWIM, but that doesn't mean it was easy, or that I didn't miss out on a lot, or that I can't look back now I'm 30 and see that I was a child trying to play at being a grown up, and to realise just HOW much I was still a child then myself.

I had my second DC at 20, my third at 21. I had a fourth DC at 29.

And it wasn't until I looked at my DD when I turned 31 in June this year, and she was over 14, that I realised just HOW young I really was. Right now, today, my DD is just 16 months younger than I was when I fell pregnant with her.

That makes me shake my head at myself.

I'm 36, not ever met a decent long-term boyfriend, really would love to get married (or not, even) & definitely would love to have children.
Have had health problems for the past 4 years that currently make meeting a nice boyfriend very difficult (MH problems); also i'm on meds that make having children a bit difficult even if i do meet a nice man.

Looking back i did have committment issues in my 20s, so had a long series of short-term relationships with unsuitable men (addicts, players, cheaters, etc).... I had lots of fun too.
I did expect to get married & have kids early 30s but didn't expect to get so ill - that's life, sadly.

I hope it will happen - i keep getting my hormones etc checked to make sure my fertility is ok!
& I've started to meet nice men, although just as friends rather than dating right now.

I wouldn't want to be a grandmother in my 30s, but i've always wanted children & had hoped to have 2 or 3 by now.
I'm envious of women who do have children.
I never think badly of young Mums; my Mum got married at 18 & so did some colleagues; i thought it was normal to get married & have children young so in a way i shocked my family by doing the opposite.

I suppose the positive side to being single & childless is the freedom i have, but the flip side is loneliness really.
Although you can be married with kids & still lonely or bored in some cases.

And I DID go to Uni after having DD, it didn't stop my education, it just made it harder to do, and meant far more work.

I fell pregnant at 17, had DS at 18, am now 21. In the last year my health has majorly deteriorated. I already had health conditions, but they have got worse, and have been diagnosed with one condition which affects fertility, with a question mark over (and another operation to come) a second.

Shake your head at me all you like. Think I'm common if you want. But if I hadn't have had DS when I did, I may now be facing the possibility at 21 of never having children. I have always viewed DS as a wonderful surprise, and an amazing blessing. I used to be bothered by the suggestions of young mums being scum. Now I just feel lucky to have him.

I'm in absolute agony tonight with my pain levels, and some of these posts have pissed me right off.

The point of my post is that regarding having children: we all make choices or things can happen that we have no control over; either way we shouldn't judge each other - whatever our circumstances.

SirBoobAlot - you're lucky to have your DS; but it's sad to hear that you are having bad health problems right now, hope that you recover well & hope the pain gets less. Sorry to hear that people have been judgey of those who have children young, personally i think it's wrong to judge others. Take care x

And yes, like SirBoobALot, if I hadn't had my DC's when I did, due to disabilities that were diagnosed after my third DC was born, I would probably only have one DC at most had I waited. And since my third disability diagnosis, the one that causes me chronic pain, I wouldn't have had any.

If I had waited till I was 31, I would have ended up with no DC's.

Maybe the Fates knew what was in store for me, and that's why I had my DC's young?

In one way, I have missed out on a lot, by having my DC's so young. But the flip side of that is that if I had waited until my early 30's to have DC 's, I wouldn't have had any at all.

True. But i was never in a situation to have children young.

I don't believe in Fate because i think we can shape our own futures.

But i'm glad you have had DC Couthy before you got the disabilities.

When i say i don't believe in Fate; what i mean is we can shape our future to a certain extent despite the restrictions of illness, disability, poverty etc.

I think life is more about Chance & Coincidence than Destiny (sorry i'm interested in Philosophy, & have thought about this a lot!).

I had my first child at 21, I did all that clubbing, travelling, working, uni stuff by then and was over it ready to settle down.

I found it a lot easier to concentrate on uni and to remain motivated once I had a child. I started Uni 4 times before I was pregnant and didnt ever complete it, as I was more bothered about going out and having fun then actually studying. Becoming a mother was a good thing for me. It grounded me. You can't say all people are the same, and it is harder for everyone to go to uni with a kid!

Having a child does not mean your life is over.

Having a child in your teens does not mean you are not in a stable relationship. Many people marry under 20!

My sis in law is 41 and has 3 grandkids and 6 kids. Her 2 daughters who have kids are in happy stable marriages, one went to uni, she completed her final year pregnant, the other didn't as she didn't want to, although she got in, she prefered to stay at home.

Neither of them are struggling financially because of this. Their husbands are in different jobs then a few years ago when they met and are doing well.

happy"I wouldnt feel uneasy about it, i would feel sad for the 19 year old as she will have had no teen years, no uni education likely and the chances of the relationship lastng i would imagine are very slim."

what rubbish, plenty of women get married young and are in happy marriages, just they dont go around writing about it, people only post about their situations when they have issues. Also how can she have no teen years? at 19 she would only be missing one teen year? lol

Just because you feel it is important to have fun or whatever, doesn't mean you should expect it of others. People should be free to make their own decisions on what makes them happy and what they truly want without worrying about what society expects them to do and wants them to do.

I don't understand why people think 10 years of pissing your money up the wall be it at university or travelling or just falling out of clubs in your own town is preferable to settling down and having children early ?
Most people I know who are very well off, had their children straight out of uni at 21, were piss poor when it didn't matter and then by the time the children were of an age when money mattered the mortgage had been paid for 10 years, dad had been promoted a few times and then mum was ready to start work and that money could go towards holidays, savings etc.
Why did things change, can we not go bad to that ? It seemed to work.

I don't understand why people think 10 years of pissing your money up the wall be it at university or travelling or just falling out of clubs in your own town is preferable to settling down and having children early ?
Most people I know who are very well off, had their children straight out of uni at 21, were piss poor when it didn't matter and then by the time the children were of an age when money mattered the mortgage had been paid for 10 years, dad had been promoted a few times and then mum was ready to start work and that money could go towards holidays, savings etc.
Why did things change, can we not go back to that ? It seemed to work.

I think there is something of fate in it. Not in a "written in the stars" kind of way, but in that things all happen for a reason. I was so adamant not to have a termination when I found out I was pregnant, even though everyone was urging me to. Even then I couldn't explain why I was so set on not having one. I'm not saying I knew how bad my health would get, but something was telling me that it was the right thing to do for me. And the situation was far from ideal.

As it was, like nailak said too, having DS grounded me, and gave me a meaning in my life which I was totally lacking. So I will always be grateful to him for that.

I don't think age really makes much of an impact on your ability to parent. Many things, ranging from class to education, can do - but not age.