over feeling uneasy that a 38 year old woman is a GM for the third timr

[SoleSource]

because her DD has had a third child?

(parent at DS school)

I am 38...one child aged 14.

Is my attitude a bit old fashioned? Is this becoming the norm?

I am 41 dd has left school is working at college driving i am a spring chicken now only a few more years and dd2 will have left as well (happy days)

:) I am confused about who I am sometimes. MN helps me a lot x

Maybe I am jealous a little too :(

I can only imagine you feel really isolated sole as you are your ons carer live must be hard for you,

"Wouldn't you ever think "But you were going to be an engineer/a doctor/ a model?" at least a tiny bit? "

maybe she always wanted to be a parent? that's a valid choice aswell. people can still contribute to society without having a 'career'.

I do MrsJay :( But I have to take steps to change it.

A lovely post Boo :)

Sole, 38 is still young chik. Do you get support and help with your dc.

Btw I live Birmingham, it's fab but not that keen on Cadbury world.

Looking forward to German market.

Women had always had babies young until the last century when middle class/career women started waiting till they were older but many working class women have continued having children at a young age.

But she could have been both! Once a parent, always a parent. It's an awful lot harder to do most things once you have children to raise.

I'm not really thinking about contributing to society, more about having as easy fulfilling a life as possible.

And on post,, yes I get you sole, my niece is 18 and 6 months pregnant, in a stable and loving relationship but living at home..

I don't want that for my dds or even my dss.. I had my first 2 kids young.

The thing with kids is that once they are here then you can never put your self first ever again and I want my own kids to have fun,travel, chop and change jobs, rent and spend all the rest of cash on having fun and pleasing themselves.

But of course its personal choice.

I am a bit jealous too sole. I am 46 and could do with a gc now but dd is only 5 and even round here that would be unusual

YANBU. Yes, I realise I may be 'old fashioned' but I think it's a bit sad and an indictment of our society when children are having children.
For example someone I went to school with had children at 16, to someone she'd (literally) just met. Now her child has just had a baby. With someone she's promptly broken up from.
Which makes the school friend a Granny at 35. They're all over the moon.
What happened to having babies in loving, stable relationships and not just with anyone who comes along?
Yes, I'm old fashioned.

Oh please are your pants not just any old judge incrusted knickers but M&S finest?

I too could be the person you are talking about, because I had my first young, and if he decided to have a child now, I would be,

DS is at a top uni, getting firsts, as did I,

Out of my friends that did the same, had children before 20, all of us have degrees great jobs, and all of our children are extremely high achievers, all uni educated, and going onto great things,

a very dear friend, who had three before 20 been with her husband for over 24 years,also (get ready to pull up those baggy knickers) bought her children up on the road(horse drawn,no benefits), has a medical degree, first child got a first, now still in education and won a much coveted award far younger than anyone before her, next sister doing a PHD education, next child doing a music degree in the best institute, next child has just won a music scholarship to a well known music school,

all of my friends who had children before twenty, have never regretted it, some have done both, had children in their thirties, it's far easier on your body doing it early, and none of those children have missed out on anything.

I watch friends in their thirties and forties struggle to start families, the lucky ones that manage it,often admit how hard they find the adjustment, from suit yourself adult to having to alter your lifestyle radically, the've watch us parent for several decades, and wonder why they find it so hard,

I must admit, that if I had been suiting myself for 10 to 15 years before having children I would of struggled, but as we did early, I found the baby and small child bit undemanding, if I hadn't had a second batch I would now have an empty nest, as quite a few friends do, lots off on adult gap years.

I think the hateful condemnation of younger mothers is spiteful, and dangerous.

quote but you and your friends stories are the exception.
It is much more difficult to achieve highly educationally and career wise if you have babies at the time when most people are being educated and building careers.

The prejudice against younger parents is pretty sickening tbh. Being in your thirties does not make you a better person - or parent. This thread is really insulting to people who, like me, had a child young. I was just 21 when dd1 was born. Nice to know that meeting me will be freaking out her teachers. Thanks for that.

Op - why not try worrying about something which is in fact your business.

'It is much more difficult to achieve highly educationally and career wise if you have babies at the time when most people are being educated and building careers. '

Bollocks. You may think that but there are plenty of families out there, including my own, who give evidence to the contrary.

Yes we are the chosen few,

No, we are not, it's just the only young mums that get focused on are the ones with issues,

there are plenty of young mums that have continued in education, have parented to high standard, I did uni, worked and raised a child, with no family in this country,

Another benefit, is that our children get to have a long relationship with their grandparents.

stop reading the daily wail and you won't be so brainwashed.

I was 24 when I had mibe. Pkease read tbe tbread instead of using it to vent your anger.

But quote you must have had an awful lot of support behind you to be able to do that.

Most people don't have that - even if their parents want to help they're not always in a position to do so.

We're comfortable financially but wouldn't be able to fund two households, which we'd have to do if ds became a father at 18 and still wanted to go to university.

Hiding thread now as the usual cannot be arsed to read tbread posters are here. Venting anger that has fuck all to do with the issues here. Me prejudice? Lol

Quote, you sound pretty judgy yourself of older mothers.

I had my first 2 young and my next 2 in my 30s. Yes it was physically very easy young but mentally difficult. We had no money and no social life while all our friends were having carefree fun.

Last 2 yes physically it was harder but mentally easy, we were financially secure and our peer group were having kids as well.

No I don't wasn't my kids to have kids young.. My older ones are in twenties now and have degrees and travel and no responsibilities. Brilliant.

I was a teen mum and my mum was a granny before 40. I had 3 others in my early 20s and 1 in my early 30s. I felt very judged as a young mum as most where I live are 30 plus, nearer 40 when having children. However when people saw I was a good mum they were nice to me! Still felt the 'odd one out' though. I was treated so differently with DC5!

YAB pretty judgy. Adulthood is socially constructed in different times and places. Having a child young is perfectly acceptable to some. Not everyone wants a career, some are 'born to be mothers'. It was the best thing that happened to me as a teenager (I was college rather than high school age though).

My mum was 37 when I made her a Nanna. I was 19 when i had my son.

She is now 40 and has 2 children younger then my son

I can only go on my personal experience in that, yes it is possoble to gain a dgree and a good career after having a baby in your teens, but fucking norah it makes for a very, very hard life in your 20s. You can never act selfishly, take a new job on a whim, go travelling without a care in the world. You have to be very focused and work your bollocks off.

It all worked out well for me - I am in my mid 30s with plenty of money, a great job, and the world is my oyster and don't have to think about babys, childcare, career breaks etc. I can do what I want now with the bonus of a teenage daughter. But I do also feel on the precipice. Dd will be moving on soon - and I will have to get used ot a single life where I have spent my entire adult life as a mother. It is a strange feeling especially when most women my age of my aquaintance are having their first babies now.

People are making assumptions about class when they hear about very young mothers. Most pregnant middle class teens have abortions these days, but that wasn't always available.

My DM had me age 16 in 1963 - middle class, professional, Catholic family were mortified.She refused to give me up for adoption and married my father, who was 18 and from a similar background.

DM recently retired from a Headship, having qualified as a teacher when DSis and I went to school. She has a post grad and has been a senior political adviser. Dsiss and I are all graduates and I had my DS1 at 23, making my DM a GM at 39. My DS1 is only 2 years younger than my youngest sister - so far so underclass.

I seem to have stopped the rot though. DS1 is 26 and so far shows no sign of reproducing, so I am going to be over 50 before I become a GP.

Young women can make good mothers, but like all mothers, they need support, not condemnation.