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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider having a baby by ExH?

159 replies

JustUnsure · 31/10/2012 00:08

Long term lurker here...

I have one DC (4) by my ExH. We separated when Ds was 9 months old and we now have a good relationship that seems amicable and friendly in the interest of Ds. ExHis a great Dad and see's Ds regularly and supports him financially.

I have been single ever since other than a brief fling last year and tbh I have little interest in having a relationship with someone.

I have been thinking seriously about my options in relation to having another child as I really don't want Ds to be an only child and I'd really like to have another child.

I am seriously considering asking ExH if he would father another child. What do you think? Am I mental?

OP posts:
Original poster
JustUnsure · 31/10/2012 01:15

Galloping immaturity? Really?

I am here asking for people's impartial opinions...I have not spoken to exH or made a definite decision either way as to whether I will.

Yes I work full time...

OP posts:
MummifiedBonkeyMollocks · 31/10/2012 01:15

But would he though?

Would he get that bind with the newborn?
Would you breastfeed ?
Would he stay over and help?
Would he be happy being responsible over night/weekends for two dcs?
Could you let your newborn go away from.you to spend time with daddy?
Could you watch.him.have another family with someone else if the tin came?
Will you go and work whilst he has his turns with the kids to help income?

There's alt in.that list that i would struggle with...especially whilst baby was newborn!

UltraBOF · 31/10/2012 01:16

I'm not a) married, or b) judging anyone who isn't.

And I'm certainly not saying that only resident fathers should support their offspring.

But L1z, you are creating a strawman argument here. I'm simply saying that it's unlikely the ex-H will see much in this for him. That's not so hard to understand, surely?

AThingInYourLife · 31/10/2012 01:16

What's depressing me is that so many people don't know the difference between a sperm donor and a father.

It's pretty unpleasant to insinuate that a man who fathers a child by a woman he is not in a relationship with is nothing but a sperm donor.

Is he a sperm donor or a father to his existing child? Because that's relationship he would have with any sibling he had with the OP.

scottishmummy · 31/10/2012 01:16

married judgers.that's total lee Nelson.is you down wiv da kids innit
this isn't a married or not thing
it's a op don't have clue thing,and is immature

MummifiedBonkeyMollocks · 31/10/2012 01:16

Typos Hmm Bloody phone!

Original poster
JustUnsure · 31/10/2012 01:19

Scottishmummy...why is wanting a baby immature?

OP posts:
L1zLem0n · 31/10/2012 01:21

why is she immature Scottish? Seriously?

I didn't mean you Bof.

Yes Athinginyourlife, married doesn't mean good or bad father necessarily. The OP has said he's a good father, so people labelling him a sperm donor is wrong! People are getting it all wrong. It's not being married that makes a father a sperm donor or not.

badgeroncaffeine · 31/10/2012 01:21

AThingInYourLife She doesn't want a relationship with him, she just wants his sperm. So he would be a sperm donor, and would be stung by the CSA. And of course he wasn't a sperm donor to the one born within a relationship! Hmm

L1zLem0n · 31/10/2012 01:22

If i'm down witha peeps scottish then tonight you're up with the WI making jam with gingham labels. ON THIS THREAD anyway. I'm not fucking taking you on I wouldn't have the nerve, jesus, but on this thread you're wrong.

scottishmummy · 31/10/2012 01:25

wanting a baby because you don't want an only,
knowing ex terrible husband but thinking hey he'll do.he can get you up duff
these are v immature ill thought out reasons to consider having baby

Original poster
JustUnsure · 31/10/2012 01:29

Lots of people have more than one child because they don't want an only. And at no point did I say he'll do...I said he is a great dad. Perhaps you need to actually read my posts before you get on your judgey high horse.

OP posts:
badgeroncaffeine · 31/10/2012 01:31

So they have a child just so they don't just have one? How selfish can you get.
This has to be one of the most absurd threads ever...

L1zLem0n · 31/10/2012 01:33

no they're nto 'terrible reasons', they just don't fit in with your conservative view of what a family ought to be. 2.4 children and mommy and daddy kissing under the mistletoe.

why does anybody have chidlren? scottish, you're so selfish, you should have adopted a few that already existed. so selfish and immature bringing more into the world.

L1zLem0n · 31/10/2012 01:33

badgeroncaffeine, have read LOADS of threads on here about women wanting a second.

MummifiedBonkeyMollocks · 31/10/2012 01:36

I know a few people who have two kids too 'get them out the way' or 'because they didn't want a only' .

They are either completely knackered or stressed to the hit because the kids dont get on or they have no money.....

It grates me every time when people have another because they don't want their child to be a only....WTF is wrong with a only????!!!

Your child will not die a horrible disease if he is a only child.

scottishmummy · 31/10/2012 01:36

you said ex wasterrible husband but great dad who pays.
you said not in current relationship,so yes it is a he'll do type post as you single
you're actively discussing good idea or not for to get pg by ex as you want baby

badgeroncaffeine · 31/10/2012 01:37

I didn't say you hadn't did I? I just said it's a ridiculously selfish reason. Nothing wrong with being an only child anyway, either for the parent(s) or child.

Original poster
JustUnsure · 31/10/2012 01:38

I am genuinely baffled badger...why is that selfish? What reason would be acceptable for me to want another child? Or am I not allowed as I am single?!

OP posts:
badgeroncaffeine · 31/10/2012 01:38

She just wants a baby and money from the man scottishmummy

L1zLem0n · 31/10/2012 01:40

Well it'll be his decision not yours scottish!

I think some people can't separate the concept husband from the concept father. They can't comprehend the latter without the former.

I can't speak for the oP but I'd say she wants her xh's sperm so that her children have the same father, are full siblings.

badgeroncaffeine · 31/10/2012 01:40

JustUnsure I've told you...if you ask him if he wants to be a sperm donor and pay up for 18 years, if he says yes, it's all cool. How much simpler do you need it?

L1zLem0n · 31/10/2012 01:40

As opposed to married mums who want a baby and money from their husbands???????????

Original poster
JustUnsure · 31/10/2012 01:40

I am not suggesting there is anything wrong with being an only child...it is just not what I want for mine. I come from a big noisy family and I want the same for my Ds. I would love him to have similar sibling experiences that I did. If that makes me selfish or immature then so be it.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 31/10/2012 01:42

Liz you're trying to divert this,it's not a married or not thing
it's a don't be so daft thing
the only person obsessing about married judgers,is you innit