To consider having a baby by ExH?

[JustUnsure]

Long term lurker here...

I have one DC (4) by my ExH. We separated when Ds was 9 months old and we now have a good relationship that seems amicable and friendly in the interest of Ds. ExHis a great Dad and see's Ds regularly and supports him financially.

I have been single ever since other than a brief fling last year and tbh I have little interest in having a relationship with someone.

I have been thinking seriously about my options in relation to having another child as I really don't want Ds to be an only child and I'd really like to have another child.

I am seriously considering asking ExH if he would father another child. What do you think? Am I mental?

Thanks L1zLemOn, I really appreciate you sharing your experiences with me.

I am a little unsure where I suggested ExH would 'pay' for my earth mother desires?!

Hang on, scottish, well done for spotting the bit about how the OP intends to steal her ex's sperm.

Here we all are missing an opportunity to get outraged about a truly heinous plan!

op brought up finances as one example why he's great dad.
not all dads pay as many on mn attest,so it seems she values his solvency
it really does seem v reductionistic she wants baby,he's a good payer.,

I think its selfish to expect a ex (who is a ex for a reason) to take on more responsibility , pay out more money etc etc just because the op wants to give her child a sibling .

What if he meets someone else? Will she still ask him? "Hey i know your with x new but id quite like another baby...how's about it?"

What if he stops being this great father he is or can't afford to pay out?

What if he has aother child with someone else? How will the op (and kid/s) feel when he has another child with him full time?

What if they fall out and the great situation thy have now stops working?

I can think if loads more byte its late and my tying is crock.

Op enjoy life for bit and wait and see what happens!

And what's wrong with a only child?

Never ever have a child for your child!

Yes unsure, I noticed that, you never mentioned finances! A lot of assumptions are being made. Even if your xh went for this idea and paid more maintenance, it's not double for two is it? and yet, a married father would be 'paying' for his children too presumably!! btu that's different. not sure how it's SO VERY different!?? Anyway, children aren't pay per view movies. Why is it fine for married fathers to pay for their children because they're under the same roof?? But a divorced father shouldn't pay full price for a movie he's not seeing ? Now that is a ridiculous argument which is nothing to do with the child's interests at all, and all to do with people's old fashioned conservative traditions and prejudices.

OP, gotta go to bed now! but, it's worth suggesting it to your xh. He might not be broody though. I thinnk if he went for the idea it'd be because he wanted his son to have a sibling. (which is partly your reasoning too?) let us know will you? if you discuss it with him, let us know what he says.

All planned children are to fulfil someone's need to be a Mum! Or dad, or both.

You don't have to be in a physical and romantic relationship with someone to be a good co parent with them. You really don't.

Friendly, supportive and mutually respectful co parenting relationships are fairly few and far between, but they do happen. I manage it, my ex manages it, my husband manages it, and it may be that OP and her ex can manage it well too.

It's got to be better to bring a child in to a relationship that you know works rather than bringing a child into a household that doesn't.

"all fathers pay for their children"

I meant all married fathers. My own children's father has not paid a red cent in over five years. I wouldn't have a child with my x. I wouldn't give my x the proverbial steam off my u know what.

Can we remember that the ex will have the option of saying no. It's not like she is going to break into his house and steal his testicles.

Just goes to prove some women see men as sperm donors and walking wallets. Is this guy rich or something?

op said great dad supports financially,I imagine shed want him pay for all dc?
why mention ex solvency if it wasn't a consideration to op
or is the ex supposed to get the op up duff and only pay for 1st.2nd optional?

I never ever thought id say this, but im with scottishmummy on this one.....all the way!

"It's not like she is going to break into his house and steal his testicles."

:o

She must be planning to, otherwise many of the responses on this thread make no sense.

what? Only married women can value a man as a father. ONly married mothers' desire to have a child is worthy. ONly married mothers are entitled to allow the child's father to contribute financially. Only married mothers can accept that help without being judged.

Wow, you guys took the 'supports him financially' thing seriously. I meant he pays what the csa recommends...so no, he isn't rich!

No plans to steal his sperm and ExH is a big boy, he certainly won't do anything he doesn't want to.

scottish - you seem to be suggesting that there is no need to consider whether the parents can afford a baby before having one.

Am I coming across as conservative and supercilious? I hope not. I am just pointing out the fairly obvious, in that there isn't much in this arrangement for the prospective father, assuming that he has roughly the same aspirations as most people. There's no evidence in the OP that he is so desperate for his genetic material to be replicated with the same happy result as previously, that would enter into an arrangement in which he would be paying for and emotionally involved with another child without the prospect of being as fully-included as most parents hope to be.

Me too... scottishmummy has this one sorted!

Only people in relationships are allowed to have children (on purpose)?

JustUnsure The answer is simple. Just say "do you want to be a sperm donor? If so, the CSA will be doubling your bill in 9 months, for 18 years". Very simple indeed.

the only wow op is your galloping immaturity and desire to be mutha again
really can you not see how your posts are immature and you wants a baby?
will you work to support 2kids and supplement his CSA

Surely ExH would get the same out of this suggested arrangement as me? I'm not planning on tricking him...

So married judgers, are yall saying basically that your husbands should only meet you half way with parenthood cos they're in your bed and under the same roof? As soon as they're not under the same roof and in the same bed the responsibilites are a burden?

The outdated, conservative bullshit I'm reading here is making my eyes water. It's depressing.

@ justunsure yeah, I presumed you were going to ask him!? And he will either say yes or he will say no. Same as many married fathers who say no (or yes) to a second/third/fourth child.

I know I'm arguing the case for this because I don't think it's selfish or bizarre, but are you really broody? I think when your child starts school and your child is four, that 's when things start to open up. So I'm not telling you 'do it do it'. Just arguing that it's not selfish and not wrong and definitely not bizarre. Good luck whatever you both discuss and decide! You sound a lot fonder of your x than I am of mine. That wouldn't be hard.