to want to drop a foreign friend?

[livingintheeast]

Firstly let me get one thing straight - I am not a rascist and I have a foreign mother (a genuine one not one of those that people sometimes invent just to prove how PC they are). It is a real bugbear of mine that my foreign friend will constantly talk to her lo in their mother tongue. They are both perfectly capable of speaking english - the mother talks to me/my lo in english and the lo talks to me/my lo in english. Personally I find it blooming rude and so irriatating that I'm not sure I want to be around them much at all. Even my lo has resorted to asking me (in her 2.5 year old way) what they are saying - and I don't have a clue! I know my friend wants her lo (also 2.5) to know her mother tongue but surely on a playdate, with english people etc it's just common courtesy to speak in english. AIBU?

I've just spotted my only foreign speaking friend upthread, and I am not in slightest bit bothered by the bits of conversation I don't understand. I wish I knew enough to at least pick out familiar words so I could follow, but generally I think the 2 year old is being told 'no don't pick up that knife/throw the toy at your friends head/eat fluff off the floor'

Our daughters are 2.3 and 2.6, so not a gossip level just yet . And I really hope in years to come, my dd picks up some conversational language so that friends dd gets to practice on someone other than her mum!

I think (from watching The Killing in original language ) that it is easier for a danish mother tongue speaker to pronounce English than for an Italian, for instance.

To those who do practice OPOL (I don't , only speak English despite one parent being bilingual - they spoke to me in English unfortunately!), please don't go underground, I love hearing different tongues and think its fab that my kids get exposed to conversations between their friends and their friends parents in other languages - you'd pay good money for that kinda exposure/emersion to other languages!. As an English only speaker, honestly, I feel the OPOL parents around enrich MY kids lives not just their own

• and its really not hard to join in in English even if you don't understand their language, if they pick up the toy the child is playing with or point at it.. they're probably talking about that toy and you can join in in English... its fairly easy to work out what they are talking about if the kids are young, its only gonna be a number of things isn't it.. the activity they're doing, do they need toilet/food/drink, or stop being naughty - and the actions/tone tells you which it is!

Hmmmm, well we only work part time so their spending time isn't a huge issue. From my perspective that is ;). More interesting is the definition of bilingual. Everyone accepts it is perfectly possible for a child or adult of any age to learn another language. I do not completely accept that grammar or spelling are improved if you are bilingual because I know some English people with shocking grammar/spelling and others, myself included, who actually have inferior grammar to those learning English as another language. I knew an italian girl who spoke many languages and our German and italian friends said her accent was perfect! I was also told by a French girl that her French "colleague" spoke terrible French. A bit like some people's poor English I suppose. Then again a Cypriot friend of mine (not making these people up lol) said the most important thing to consider when teaching a lo another language was what the purpose of learning it was...for example if I had learnt Spanish I would only be able to speak with my mother when we were alone and actually, what's the point? Without constant use, the ability (and vocabulary) wanes.

Queeny - same as me then! Although actually from what I have understood here it doesn't really benefit our kids because they aren't exposed 'enough'. My mum bought some bookstore read to ds and the look on his face when she started reading was a picture. Then he said "read the book please nana"! His language window has clearly passed for now!

I think your definition of advantage is a bit different from mine, I dont expect DS to pick up a whole language from it, I just think its nice and life enhancing for him to hear other languages spoken fluently, and if he ever chooses to learn the language later, the classroom form isn't his first experience of it. I never heard my schoool languages spoken freely and conversationally.

Plus.. its just nice! I like hearing people use their "natural" home pet tones to their children

I haven't read through all the posts, as there are many. OP, this is the kind of attitude that I have encountered many times, as I have bilingual children. I can assure you it is the only way to raise bilingual children. I have friends who have been intimidated by this type of ignorance, the result being their children missing out on a language for life. Good on your friend, it shows that she is well informed on the acquisition of language.

By the way, you seem to assume your 2.5 year-old is bothered by it, I think you are absolutely misguided. I know a child who is trilingual, he is 5. His parents stick to the one-parent-one -language rule, of course, in public and in private. He is fluent in German, Japanese and English. I'm proud of them, even when I can't understand them, and my children see it as normal.

"Even my lo has resorted to asking me (in her 2.5 year old way) what they are saying - and I don't have a clue!" - why not say that X's mummy is speaking in Yish, why don't you ask her what those words mean? why make it a negative that he's curious about it? why not use it as an opportunity to chat to your friend about her views on using different languages in different situations?

DS doesn't find it at all odd, I don't think toddlers/preschoolers find anything odd unless they pick up on adults doing so, and he hears at least 5 languages spoken to various little friends very regularly, and probably about 8 languages in total fairly regularly. Children can pick up on tone/body language anyway

How can you OPOL three languages? You may get a more rounded understanding of my views if you read a few posts, although I know there are a lot and i would short cut too ;)

I don't make it negative. I just say I don't Understand yish. Same as i do with my mother.

one from mother, one from father, and the third being the one belonging to the country they live in so they get that from friends/neighbours/playgroup/nursery/school

that's how the trilingual families I know do it!

She is there when my ds asks. He isn't terribly confident or at the stage to articulate to my friend what he wants to know.

But you post about it like it's a negative thing, when its a nice opportunity for your or your LO to ask more about it.

You are there too, you could ask for him, or even for yourself if you don't get it!

You haven't read my posts either then. It is difficult to convey exactly what you mean in text, even with emoticons, and there are a lot to trawl through. Also people hear what they want to hear...and read what they want to read....

I do. A lot. It's tiresome after a while.

To be honest, your comments "drop a foreign friend", "I have a foreign mother (a genuine one not one of those that people sometimes invent just to prove how PC they are)" are quite offensive to a foreigner like me... very insensitive and ignorant...

I read the whole thread, I read the bit where you decided that most people who thought YABU are OPAL practicers which is why I posted again to reitterate that I'm not, I read the bit where you said that OPAL practicers should consider non speakers.. which is why I posted TO THEM not you that I enjoy being around it

An earlier post : Just logged back on and it's very interesting and not unsurprising that the "that's what I do and I am right" camp are defending that they do the same as my friend. This is not about wanting to change her parenting; paranoia; ignorance of other cultures; xenophobia; or the other accusations I have heard. This is about a play date with 2 adults and 2 toddlers where 1/2 of the time is spent listening to a conversation I can neither understand nor enjoy nor participate in. As well as people like me benefiting from understanding about OPOL etc; it wouldn't hurt if those of you who practice this way also consider how it feels to be a spectator in your own home.

As I said before it's not about what I'm missing. People don't just talk to say someTHING. Most conversation is just 'stuff'. Eg my friend and her ds talk about him wanting the red car; I might then say to mum "isn't it typical they want a red car when you've only got the blue one"...that's conversation. That normal day-to-day interaction is impossible if you don't understand. Adults should spend time talking to toddlers so when you add up the adult conversation it is nowhere near the time spent including them in conversation.

I am not asking anything other than an hour or so where we can talk English.

yabu i have several friends that do this and its just a non issue and makes total sense to me that a mother (or father) would speak their native language/mother tongue to their children.

re why isnt them.doing it when at home enough well lots of parents work or children go to nursery or they are out visiting friends, going to toddler grouos etc so arent always in the home that much.

regardless its entirely natural for a parent to do this.

OP I think that maybe your feelings about your friend speaking another language to her DC are exagerated because your mother didn't put the same effort into you becoming bilingual. Do you not wish you were lucky enough to have 2 languages? Do you resent this small child's mother teaching her another language because you did just fine with only English and so should everyone else.

I spend time with families speaking all different languages, I just can not see the issue with parents/children speaking to each other even if I don't understand what they are saying.

Ah I see. Thank you for clarifying. I would have no problem if there were more than just the four of us and if I didn't spend so much time listening to a conversation between a tot and his parent in a language I didn't understand.

Don't you wish your mum had done the same?