If your DH/DP called you a cunt

[Whiteworm]

Ok, so this is wrong. DP can do this in a row (even if DD 2.5 is present) He can be super spiteful even if he says sorry afterwards. What do I do? I hate it and I dont rise if DD is there (so as not to upset her) I back down as I dont want her to see us screaming. But then this means me backing down when I have good grounds. I have told him that this is verbal abuse and he laughs and says don't be silly. He calms down as quickly as he loses his temper. I am no doormat but I feel resorting to verbal abuse is awful. I have never called him this. I just wish I could have a row without him losing his temper and inch from my face calling me a cunt etc.

My friend says she would slap her husband if he called her a cunt. But when I challenged her and said physical abuse is the right way to go she said err no. But her husband would never dare speak to her that way.

What do I do?? 90% time we get on fine. Just when I have a gripe, I hold back in fear of a nasty row. Not me at all.

you are right to be bothered

can you see how you have tempered and adjusted your behaviour to try to prevent him losing his temper, you have had to curb your natural personality to tread carefully at all times

he refuses to see it as a problem, refuses to acknowledge that he could get help

food for thought

I agree with the others who say speaking to you like this is totally unacceptable. Not sure if you've tried this but have you tried turning the way you say things around to stop the accusatory 'you'? For example 'it makes me feel (sad, unvalued, put upon etc) when no one helps in the house' etc. Instead of why haven't you done this or that.

I feel horrible! My partner calls me a Cunt and a Whore because he was mad! Then, He came with apologies but I know he will do the same in the future. I really feel confuse with this behavior and I never expect something like this from him. I know he did the same in the past with his ex.

Blue17 do start a thread in the Relationships topic, heaps of support and advice to be found there. Tacking onto a very old thread means your plea for help, if that's what it is, may be overlooked.

Your partner is abusive. Please don't accept it. I have been with DH for 20 years. We have NEVER sworn or shouted at each other. My parents never did in 50 years of marriage either.

If you respect someone you don't shout at them and swear in their face.

It's as simple as that. Treat each other with respect. Model the behaviour you want your dd to copy.

So not acceptable. Especially infront of a child.

Ill admit when dp and I have the odd row I have stropped out the room with a " grrrrr ur such a dick sometimes!!"

This has not been in an abusive to his face kind of way...more a muttering just before we smirk at eachother and make up. Even this has nevwr and neve will be infront of my ds.

What kind of message is tjat sendimg to such an impressionable toddler. He may me good at doing somethings with dc..but genuinley if he can do this tthenhe really isnt a good dad at all.

Like others have said....you wouldnt send dc back to a childminder who did this.....so why put up with it at home.

You deserve much much better.

THIS THREAD IS NEARLY A YEAR OLD

BLUE17 Wed 11-Sep-13 15:21:19 is looking for support in a similar situation

BLUE17 - hope all works out for you