To not get why a vaginal birth is so important to some people?

[Liketochat1]

Some mothers talk of the trauma and disappointment of not giving birth vaginally. Some say they don't feel like a proper woman or that their body failed them. For many this sounds very traumatic, for others moaning.
AIBU to not 'get' why this is so important to them? I've had 2 c sections and was only intensely grateful that I live in a country and in an age where there are gifted surgeons and resources available to perform these life saving operations. In other parts of the world women are dying in childbirth as they don't have access to these.
Am I so unreasonable to think this?

Whats important is that you have a well mum and baby at the end of it - not so much how you get there.

Constant, I don't think anyone is arguing that.

The point is though, that 'how you get there' can have a profound effect on how 'well' mum is, psychologically, thereafter. One that ought not to be dismissed or underestimated.

Thanks to medical intervention I survived my first birth experience. I very nearly did not survive the PND which was, in part, the result of what happened and how I felt about what happened.

My children were born safely, I am alive with no physical side effects apart from a faint scar that itches in hot weather.

That is an outcome that many many women and families would settle for.

What does the rest matter ?

Exactly designerbaby. Totally agree. I find it odd that anyone would regard the mother's psychological well being/mental health/emotions as unimportant.

Of course the physical health of the mother and the safe arrival of the baby is the most important thing, but it is not all that matters. Telling mums that feel depressed because they needed a c-section or assisted delivery, to basically 'get over it' is really unsympathetic and unhelpful.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to avoid major abdominal surgery - my BFF had a section, and her recovery was so much slower even than my first, difficult forceps delivery. I don't think shoving my two out the appropriate hole rather than a catflap makes me feel any more validated as a woman though. I'm not sure anything really makes me feel validated as a woman. What is being validated as a woman, do you get a special card? A toaster? A small parade perhaps. Like the medal they give out for a drug-free labour...

Someone said to me once 'so and so had a caesarean, that's not really giving birth is it, she just had a baby removed, like having a tooth out' Whereas I was judged to have done it 'properly', despite neither being entirely 'natural' births, as one involved episiotomy, epidural and forceps and the other was induced. How does it really matter as long as everyone's safe and healthy at the end.

I don't think you are BU at all. I can't understand the way people fetishize VB at all; it seems bizarre to me.

Personally I can't imagine anything that gives me more horror than the prospect of a VB. I fought desperately for a C section when my dd was born and was gutted not to be allowed one. In the unlikely even that I have another child, wild horses wouldn't drive me to attempt another VB, let alone a "natural" one. Shudder....

I has one vaginal birth and 2 x CS. Each had their own benefits and drawbacks. However at the end of the day 1 have 3 healthy DC's and that's all that matters at the end of the day--how they arrived into this world is not important in the grand scheme of things.
I must admit it was quite surreal when having CS number 2 walking into the labour ward, jumping onto a theatre trolley and less than 1 hour later being handed a baby....

Having had both types of birth, I much preferred the vaginal birth by far. I would be disappointed if I had to have a C-Section next time. So much more natural.

As long as both of us are healthy I don't care how my children make it into this world (DD was cs after 24hrs of labour where i got to 5cm after being induced due to preclampsia). I can see why some women might prefer one route over the other but that is personal to them and it isn't for me to judge but support them.

Unless you have had a vv traumatic birth experience that has changed your life physically or mentally how often do people think about the birth though honestly? Maybe for the first year but not really after that for me.

i opted for cs with both my 2, and they were both great experiences. and i recovered very quickly and my scar is pretty much invisible now.

personally i don't fancy a VB at all. and have had "friends" call me too posh to push etc

but as many other posters have said, the main thing is that you get your baby at the end, surely it doesn't matter how they come out?

Vaginal delivery of a baby without pain relief is a fabulous human experience! That's why it's important!

Why? Genuinely, why? I can see that it might be if things go well and it's what the woman wants, but surely it's only 'fabulous' under those conditions. The idea that it should be fabulous and your body should do all these things and you should cope fine without pain relief is what causes some women to feel inadequate or failures because it wasn't like that for them.

I can't understand the way people fetishize VB at all; it seems bizarre to me.

This ^

Ooh no. Lots of pain relief. It hurts quite a lot.

shagmund - I do genuinely know somebody who is what you've called a birth nazi. I wish they were myths, but sadly in this case, she's incredibly vocal and pushy in this regard.

I agree with OP. Many more women might die through childbirth if it were not for the c-section. It's almost like some women feel like they have to compete with each other or that other women will look down on them for not having a vaginal birth.

Vaginal delivery of a baby without pain relief is a fabulous human experience! That's why it's important!

I would find this so laughable if it didnt up set so many people like commander and make them feel guilty about their own births - when they dont have anything to feel guilty for. I dont get this "no pain relief" menatility as being held up as special - why?? Giving birth hurts - as a Midwife says to me you wouldnt get your leg amputated without pain relief so why give birth without anything they have available if you need it?

"The idea that it should be fabulous and your body should do all these things and you should cope fine without pain relief"

Who has said it 'should' be 'fabulous'? And that everyone can give birth vaginally and cope 'fine' without pain relief?

Because if I heard someone saying these things seriously, I'd assume
a) they know nothing about birth
b) they're deeply, deeply stupid.

And I'd completely disregard everything else they said on the subject.

Which is why I object to people casually referring to these attitudes about birth as though they're widely accepted/common currency. They're not. They're completely bonkers,fringe, mad, ignorant.

'BonsoirWed 24-Oct-12 13:29:31

Vaginal delivery of a baby without pain relief is a fabulous human experience! That's why it's important!'

It is possible (though sadly very rare) to have a VB without any or much damage to the mother's body.

It is not possible to have a CS without damage to the mother's body.

That is the main reason why I want to try to have a VB.
However, if at any point it seems clear that in my circumstances
a CS would result in less damage than a VB to me, or of course to my baby, then I would choose a CS over a VB.

It's got nothing to do with "fabulous human experience", I just want to have the best shot at the least possible damage to my body.

If I have a CS or a VB which results in bad damage to me, I will be somewhat disappointed, because I am hoping for a relatively low-damage birth. I won't think it's because I failed though, I will think it's because I was unlucky in what happened during my birth or because I got bad medical treatment.

Couldn't agree with you more Shagmund - labour was fucking painful for me. In fact I had a hard time with childbirth (vaginal birth), no memory of looking at my LO's face for the first time, no memory of the majority of the following 48 hours. All I remember is the pain, then from about 2 minutes from before he was born, I barely remember anything until the doctor did a home visit about 3 days later
. I'm pretty sure had I been given pain relief when I first asked for it, I wouldn't be having awful flashbacks to the parts I can remember.

I don't think any woman should be made to feel guilty for any choice they make (or don't get to make in emergencies!), the same way no one should feel guilty for not wanting to BF, or BF for 3 years, or putting a career above having children etc etc etc.

I'd also like to say that if doctors could asure me that I wouldn't go through terrible PND or post-natal psychosis if I were to have a c-section next time, I would get that baby out through the sunroof, and there is no doubt about it.

My mother had 6 drug-free vaginal births. I do think she is amazing for doing so, but at the same time, I'm very aware that it must have been a lot less painful for her than it was for me.

'Why should one person's opinion on what is a fabulous way to give birth upset anyone or make them feel guilty'

Probably because the women concerned believe in natural birth very strongly - what's preached at NCT classes, the 'too posh to push' comments - and then struggle to reconcile that with what happened during their childbirth if things don't go to plan. If you set yourself up to see that as the only way and then 'fail', you are going to feel awful at a time you're full of hormones and very emotional.