to pretend that state school is not so bad...

[RichTeas]

We are in an area with no shortage of preps and indies; the state schools are not bad, but for us, definitely not the preferred option. Yet it looks like it's going to be state all the way through. So far DS (Y3) doesn't have any idea of the types of schools that exist, as we have never openly discussed it, but I expect soon he will be clued up enough to question the system he finds himself in. It feels disingenuous to fib that we're happy with just a state education (when we're not), yet we don't want him to grow up feeling he's missed out by over-egging the independents. I suppose it could be worse, he could be in private and then forced to come out, but the issues is the same I wonder how others explain this kind of mismatch...

Posie I've not noticed a different in manners between the dcs I know at state school and those that go to private school. No difference at all.

There are plenty of 'wealthy' parents who have chosen state schools for their dcs so I don't understand the reference about 'catch poor' unless it is just written to cause offence

Mot du jour- obviously. Damn that state education.

Oh, bisjo- the OP was the first to cause offence!

if you are not happy with a state education for your ds, you do not need to fib about it, you can probably manage to not bring this up with your ds. Be careful not to dwell on what you would like to have been able to afford for him and the deficits you see in the school system he will have. It just wouldn't be helpful for him to hear those adult considerations - and it wouldn't make you feel any better either.

Were you hoping to get him into an independent school via a scholarship of some kind? If you have not looked into that, is it a likely option for you, going on the basis of his current academic achievement, musical ability? Could he be a chorister for instance? If there is really only the state school option for your ds, you will need to give it some thought and see in what ways you can enhance his education outside of school time to compensate for what you feel is lacking at his school. Realistically, I think this is the only attitude/approach that will give you a sense of being in control of things.

Of course you wish he could have the best education available to dc where you live; however most people who feel the same as you do have to accept that this education is not going to be possible for their dc.

Perhaps the school you viewed didn't look like much to you but is a lot better in practice than you assume. I hope so. Try not to worry too much.

Not that old canard domino most good independent schools have fully qualified teaching staff- parents wouldn't pay for sub-standard teachers!

Love the way the OP is defending her position

I really would have agreed with you until this weekend, bisjo.

Seeker I think the OP's case is the grass appears greener rather than actually knowing but I agree that the thread title doesn't help their case. As ZZZ says there are opportunities for bursaries/scholarships for those who can afford to pay some fees but not all if the OP really thinks that private is better than state.

I wonder whether the OP knows that parental support at home accounts for the bulk of educational outcome, rather than wealth, school facilities etc.? Or does she not want to know...

Very offensive thread title, by the way.

Posie, what was different about their manners?

If it is untrue why is it that the two people who failed to complete their PGCE when I did it both got offered teaching jobs in private schools.

Private schools have better facilities and smaller classes, they are also more free in terms of curriculum. That is it!

OP get over yourself!

If you can't afford private schooling then it isn't an option. You need to let go of the dream and embrace what is possible not live your life on the basis of "if only"

State schooling is the best option, the middle option and the worst option because it appears it is the only option.

Stop taunting yourself about what might have been and accept the fact that you currently have no choice and make the best of where you are. Don't make your DS feel uncomfortable when you can't offer him an alternative.

Sorry to be blunt but you could leave your DS very unhappy at school because of your issues when you can't change the option available.

Remembering them!!

Posie . I've always thought that politeness and manners should be instilled at home (at least it is in this house!).

So up until this weekend you thought there was no difference, then one party, and suddenly the the private school manners are immaculate and state school one are rubbish......

OP is a cock. I've said it.

And to make it even worse, OP is a poor cock who can't afford private school. That makes me lol even more. A wannabe rich cock

State-school teacher here, obviously biased (not a word we use anymore in History!), but I would say that in my experience unless you can afford a really top private school, private education is a risk. My friend (also a History teacher) ended up being a private school's GCSE/A-Level English teacher, as they couldn't find a qualified English teacher willing to put up with the behaviour and the management. A lot of the kids in this school had been whisked out of state education as they were about to be excluded, but this school was so desperate for pupils they were allowed to get away with ridiculous behaviour. The private school next to my state school has lost lots of staff in the last few months as it simply stopped paying wages.

Not all state schools are bad and not all private schools are good. As always on MN there is a huge oversimplification. It should always be about the individual school and the child, it is impossible to generalise. I wouldn't bother paying school fees for an education I could get for free unless there was something else that gave an advantage. There would have to be something worth paying for imho.

State schools are not wrong or inferior, OP. You have issues you need to address. Being poor is the least of your problems.

i met some children at a children's out of school activity recently who attend the independent school just up the road from me. they were chatting away happily about school, asked me if my children went to the same school as them. Without thinking too carefully, i said "No, it costs too much money". They didn't know you had to pay to go there!. Oops, some interesting conversations at home that night although i did wonder how the parents had dodged talking about it , or if the children just never asked about the other school in town.

I am puzzled as to why people think a private school is going to be better.Why would the teacher be better.Atleast in a state school you know they are going to be qualified and supported by a network of professionals following a curriculum designed by a team of national experts rather than some random persons ideas.
Class size? Well maybe intowns classes have 30 children in them but in small village schools like my DDs you are looking at 12-16 children in a class
Extra curricular opportunities? Maybe , but you can buy a hel of a lot of opportunitirs with the fees you save.We are in an 11+ area so have access to a lovely historic grammar school which of course thrashes the pants off the indies( as you would expect given it's selective nature), but also in music and sports too

Hans-solo you might be surprised, yes they have teachers with degrees, but a lot of private schools employ untrained teachers, often then getting them to qualify via GTP like training (St Paul's boys for one).