to pretend that state school is not so bad...

[RichTeas]

We are in an area with no shortage of preps and indies; the state schools are not bad, but for us, definitely not the preferred option. Yet it looks like it's going to be state all the way through. So far DS (Y3) doesn't have any idea of the types of schools that exist, as we have never openly discussed it, but I expect soon he will be clued up enough to question the system he finds himself in. It feels disingenuous to fib that we're happy with just a state education (when we're not), yet we don't want him to grow up feeling he's missed out by over-egging the independents. I suppose it could be worse, he could be in private and then forced to come out, but the issues is the same I wonder how others explain this kind of mismatch...

They can try, but I think it very much depends on the raw material they have to work with. To say otherwise is to deny reality.

OK THEN sigh leaves thread

Oh no RichTeas why did you have to go and say that.

Oh no RichTeas why did you have to go and say that.

erm either she is on a wind up or a raging snob take your pick,

State schools don't necessarily mean more diversity.

We live in a very white, middle class 'affluent' area and the local state schools reflect that.

The private school our sons attend, actually have a wider ethnic mix and more social diversity, because of the various scholarships they offer.

Surely mrsjay it is a wind up?

Interesting that many of the posters taking great offence at the thread title positively queue up to say offensive things about privately educated children.

You can almost hear them salivating while they type the usual MN standards

• spoon fed
• rich but dim
• hot housed
• living in a bubble
• bad mannered
• money wasted

Yadda ... yadda... yadda...

Well I certainly don't say any of those things Wordfactory, and I think the thread title stinks.

Thank you wordfactory. There does seem to be a pack of wolves out there that are ready to pounce as soon as any comment questioning the quality of state education is made.

This obviously has not occurred to you but you may find he chooses to question the system you have NOT sent him to..... As an independent thinker (even at 11!) I was furious and appalled when my parents sent me to a private school. I reasoned that it was socially selective (on the basis of being able to pay), did not cater for my interests (the girls had to do cookery and fucking flower arranging and I had been quite happy doing ICT thanks!) and if I had known the term misogynistic (oh how right i was on that front!). I also rather arrogantly assumed that academically I would be just fine any where. Turns out, it was just as well that I was bright. I ended up having to teach myself one of my a-level subjects as my teacher clearly had an alcohol problem and didn't turn up for half the lessons, nor did she have a clue what was on the syllabus. I thought that my well meaning (working class made good) parents were spending an awful lot of money on at best a pointless waste of space and at worst a cultural experience which was all about consumption and shoring up the upper-middle class male grip on power and wealth.
So perhaps you son might hold a view surprises you- who knows

Thread title, yes it is slightly provocative, but it does neatly sum-up my dilema. In a (futile) attempt to avoid offence, in the very first line I did say THE STATE SCHOOLS ARE NOT BAD which is my belief. It's quite nuanced as it's quite a tricky thing to explain.

And the post was not meant to be about state v private in the first place. TBH it was aimed at Mumsnetters who might think the same way, of which thankfully there are a handful.

"Thank you wordfactory. There does seem to be a pack of wolves out there that are ready to pounce as soon as any comment questioning the quality of state education is made."

Ask sensible questions and you will get sensible answers. Make offensive generalising statements and you won't. Simple.

Crazy to post in AIBU though !
Just asking for a classic bunfight [hgrin]

I know people who went to independent schools and people who went to state schools. No difference in terms of earning ability and type of job. No difference in terms of who managed to make a success of their education and who managed to totally flunk at age 18.

There is a massive difference in the aesthetics of the buildings you're taught in. But since I have a friend who absolutely detested his time at Charterhouse and another who repeatedly ran away from Rugby, I don't think the beauty of the faculty buildings mattered one jot to them.

I didn't find the thread title offensive.

I think OP is saying that she thinks generally private school is a much more pleasant environment. Where I live yes it is as the state schools are 'rough' (but then we do live in 'rough' inner London) but this isn't the case everywhere, lots of friends who live outside of London find that the state schools are lovely and the private schools seem to be places where there is so much focus on wealth and materialism.

DH and I could easily afford to privately educate but we don't, we choose to send the dcs to the 'rough' local state schools because those are the type of schools that DH and I went to, and we think it will do them good to toughen them up to reality. Also I think its important to learn to succeed in any environment not just one where its all handed on a plate. Save your money OP and spend it on providing experiences a private or state school can't.

When I say "earning ability" I mean you can't distinguish from the job and salary they have, what their educational background is.

And I suppose "seeker" et al. are the arbiter of sensible questions?!

I can hand on heart apart from my really sarcastic comment to the OP on this thread said anything negative about private or independent education. The title and tone was offensive to a lot of posters .

you said 'pretend' as if you are kidding yourself your children are not getting the best if you really think that send them private just do it , if you think that state schools are so bad don't pretend anything stick to your principles and send them private, you can have all the ambience you want then,

"And I suppose "seeker" et al. are the arbiter of sensible questions?!"

Well, if I wanted advice, I wouldn't choose a thread title guaranteed to alienate the majority of people who might read it!

Why not start again. What exactly do you want to know?

But it's a non issue as presumably the OP cannot afford private education for her son?

RichTeas but you have no dilemma as you can't pay anyway for private as your OP states.

Or sell your house and free up any equity you have to pay for your dc's education.

Of course you are going to get children who are not academically bright that attend private either the parents want them to advance because of smaller classes etc or simply they can afford it, calling children thick is insulting