"There's nothing to eat in this house!" - DS17 complains

[flow4]

Apparently there is "nothing to eat" and I am "vindicktive" because I won't give DS(17) money for a kebab and I'm "leaving him with no T and in a foul mood". (The swearing and nasty verbal abuse he's given me are evidence of that ).

We have in our cupboards/freezer, right now: pasta (spaghetti, fusilli and macaroni), rice, bread, flour, cereal (tho no milk cos he drank it all), pizza bases, eggs, cheese, tins of beans and tomatoes, veg sausages, veg burgers, onions, courgettes, mushrooms, toms, apples, pears, tinned tuna and sardines... Not to mention the nuts, lentils, chickpeas, etc... And more...

Oh, and I did make tea - a veg/tofu stir-fry with rice - and saved him some although he wasn't home, which he has now eaten...

But he "wants to eat something that doesn't look like it comes out of a rabbit's arse" (i.e. veggie food=rabbit droppings)

He wanted a kebab, bacon, crisps, biscuits, a ready meal... Something junky, basically.

I didn't want to buy him a kebab partly because we have plenty of food in, partly because I think junk food is a waste of money, but largely because he was being rude.

I think he's being unreasonable, probably because he's hungry... But am I also BU not to buy him a kebab? And more generally, AIBU -

• to expect him to make himself something out of what we have in the cupboards?
• not to keep a constant supply of snacks/junk food in the house?
• to expect him to be polite when he asks me for money, even if he's hungry?

I'll happily join you Seeker,because if this is what is seen as acceptable,even understandable and necessary behaviour on this planet,then I no longer wish to be a resident.

Do people really think that they are doing anyone any favours by allowing their sons to behave like this? I shudder to think of the abuse their poor partners are going to be subjected to in later years.

'He's not a happy bunny'? Aaw diddums. I won't sleep tonight for worrying about him,and that kebab he didn't get to consume.

Why is that I can never find a suitably sized violin for these occasions? They're always just that little bit too big.

I am quite sure the DS deeply regrets what he said to his mother. He should apologise. I have said that several times now.

Forget that he 'demanded a kebab'. Of course it is not good nutrition. I do hope that once things have calmed down that flow4 will review his diet and come to a sensible arrangement and perhaps even teach him to cook for himself. That is a good thing for boys to do as is learning to eat healthily.

I'd like to come and join your planet too seeker. I have cake.

OK then leave th bastard, oh hang on a mo it's her child banana. She still has to deal with him.

In case you missed it MoreBeta, from the op, upthread:

"I have shown him how to cook a few 'proper' meat meals like chicken casserole, and offered to show him more, but he says he 'can't be bothered'"

My son was vegetarian for a while and I provided vegetarian meals. I think if I was vegetarian and he wasn't, I'd provide meat meals or at least meat he could cook. I wouldn't buy a kebab if you paid me but I think in a family, it's reasonable to accomodate all tastes. That said, he was rude and you were unreasonable to be angry. No idea if one needs meat or not but if you like it then tofu stir fry just doesn't really cut it.

MoreBeta, it sounds like he already has suitable food provided. It may not be his favourite but it's healthy and being paid for and cooked by someone else for him! He has no right to expect flow4 to change what she cooks because he would have ordered something different in a restaurant.

Can I join you're world too please Seeker? It sounds much better.

nkf, hooray, thay will hate you though.

And you know, the food in your cupboard is fine but you do need to be a bit of a cook to work with it. And if he isn't then it's a bit hard.

Rudeness appalling though. Two separate issues really,

You were reasonable to be angry. My post makes no sense.

Its a family argument, they happen. Now its a vegetarian vs omnivour debate and much heat and no light will be shed.

Of course she has to deal with him,but dealing with an attitude like that does not involve forgiving him instantly,giving him whatever he wants,agreeing to cook or prepare food for him whenever his highness demands it,or practically grovelling while placing a whole roast ox before him,as so many seem to think the OP should be doing.

There'd be consequences,including him preparing every meal for himself for some time,and once he's learned some respect,then I'd be willing to have a polite discussion with him regarding his wishes.

Sorry. Didn't realise it was 1am. Was it in the first post. He should have been in bed. Didn't he have school the next day? And yes, 1am and kebab. Pissed.

Everyone's welcome on my planet. The only entry requirement is a firm belief that there are no circumstances (short of actual physical, emotional or psychological abuse) where it it OK to call your mother a bitch, and if you have a serious issue with the way the household you live in functions, you talk about it in a calm and civilised manner. Oh, and teenagers and their parents treat each other with love and respect. In between the shouting matches. And where mothers regard it as part of their job to prepare their children for their future lives, where they will have to compromise, and take responsibility for themselves and their actions. And teach them by example that behaving like an entitled spoiled git gets you what want.

So most people live in places where sometimes words are exchanged. Especially with kids when they reach teenage years. What do you suggest, sling them out?

Sometimes a bad arguement airs issues that have been boiling under the surface for a long time. He said it badly but strip out the bad language and the insults and this is what he said.

"Mum, I don't want to be eat vegetarian food at home any more. Please can you make sure we have plenty of meat that I can make a quick meal with because sometimes I get really hungry".

This is the reply he needs.

"Yes OK if that is what you want. Lets sit down and work out what you need and like and we can afford and I will get it as long as you cook it."

Nonsense. Teenage insolence, belligerence, aggression, and entitlement may not call for 'slinging them out', but there is certainly a wide range of options between that and accepting it or negotiating with it.

For instance, there is the "put up and shut up" option. Closely related to the "as long as you are under my roof..." option. Worked well for my parents when raising five teenagers!

As for the "reply he needs"? Hardly. The reply he dreams of, perhaps.

Wow, I'm gob-smacked at the volume of responses here! Thank you all for your views :)

First, some good news... When I got in from work today, DS hid upstairs for about ten minutes, then he gathered his courage and came down to apologise. Which is something :)

The vegetarian debate that has been raging is a bit of a red herring, IMO. DS isn't veggie: he eats meat, has been taught (by me) how to cook several meat meals as well as bacon and sausages, and had even had meat to eat yesterday. (I am veggie, and have been for 25 years, but both my DSes have made their own choices: DS1 (this one) eats meat; DS2 is 'pure' veggie and doesn't even eat fish, unlike me). This wasn't a row about craving blood and manly proteins meat; it was DS being an arse. Even he was prepared to admit that today.

He was tired and lazy and grumpy, and he dumped all that on me in a quite spectacular way. He was pissed off we didn't have any of his favourite 'easy snacks' in the house, like noodles and bacon. We usually do, but I have been poorly and haven't done a supermarket shop,and we've run out - and I am absolutely clear that I am not Superwoman, and it is OK for him to be disappointed about that, but it is not OK for him to be rude and abusive.

BTW, the row happened at about 10:30-10:45pm, when he came in and I was already on my way to bed. There is no way I would cook anything for him at that time of night - let alone a second tea: he's old enough and competent enough to do it himself, and generally does. I didn't post until 1pm, because he texted three times after I'd gone to bed, and I was still upset at some of the nastier things he said... Sometimes I doubt my judgement, when I'm lying awake in the middle of the night...

He didn't get the kebab he wanted last night, and he didn't get money for a college canteen dinner today, because he didn't apologise this morning,and because his final text last night said "make sure u leave my dinner money tomorrow or im goin to make your life hell for the next 3 years" I didn't go and buy more bacon or other meat or any 'treat'/snack foods today, either. This evening I cooked, and he politely ate, a veg lasagne for tea.

Frankly, he shot himself in the foot and made it totally impossible for me to give him spending money or buy him snack/junk food today, because there is absolutely no way I am ever going to give in to threats or blackmail . It's one thing being an arse if you're 17 and hormonal... But I am damned if I'm going to let him grow up into the sort of man who thinks he can get what he wants by shouting and threatening.

BTW, 'special thanks to brdgrl for "ass hat" and to ProvLady for "Me.Caveteen.You.Bitch" I'm pinching those!

The way he talks to you is awful. Just awful. I am shocked by that.

Bloody hell flow
Am at this but good for you for standing your ground.
I provide 3 meals a day. if you ( members of household age 14- 49 are unhappy with meals you are welcome to cook for yourself. toast,bread ,cheese,beans,fruit provided No whining ,moaning.
If any of mine behaved this way or called me a bitch I would be ripping them a new one !!!

You are not being unreasonable. Your duty as a parent is to provide a plate of food for each meal of the day, not a restaurant menu he can choose from. These spoilt teenagers get on my nerves, especially my 13 year old 200 pound spoilt brat who also complains all the time that there is 'nothing interesting in the fridge'. They should try the hunger diet, in my opinion.

"make sure u leave my dinner money tomorrow or im goin to make your life hell for the next 3 years"
That, to me (mother of three boys), sounds like a teenage boy type of attempt to jokingly clear the air, not him being a git.

Yes, sometimes it is just awful. He used to make a habit of it, but he is (believe it or not) improving, and last night was the first unacceptable outburst for about a month.

Sadly not lisaro... I haven't quoted the rest of the text, but it definitely wasn't humorous.