"There's nothing to eat in this house!" - DS17 complains

[flow4]

Apparently there is "nothing to eat" and I am "vindicktive" because I won't give DS(17) money for a kebab and I'm "leaving him with no T and in a foul mood". (The swearing and nasty verbal abuse he's given me are evidence of that ).

We have in our cupboards/freezer, right now: pasta (spaghetti, fusilli and macaroni), rice, bread, flour, cereal (tho no milk cos he drank it all), pizza bases, eggs, cheese, tins of beans and tomatoes, veg sausages, veg burgers, onions, courgettes, mushrooms, toms, apples, pears, tinned tuna and sardines... Not to mention the nuts, lentils, chickpeas, etc... And more...

Oh, and I did make tea - a veg/tofu stir-fry with rice - and saved him some although he wasn't home, which he has now eaten...

But he "wants to eat something that doesn't look like it comes out of a rabbit's arse" (i.e. veggie food=rabbit droppings)

He wanted a kebab, bacon, crisps, biscuits, a ready meal... Something junky, basically.

I didn't want to buy him a kebab partly because we have plenty of food in, partly because I think junk food is a waste of money, but largely because he was being rude.

I think he's being unreasonable, probably because he's hungry... But am I also BU not to buy him a kebab? And more generally, AIBU -

• to expect him to make himself something out of what we have in the cupboards?
• not to keep a constant supply of snacks/junk food in the house?
• to expect him to be polite when he asks me for money, even if he's hungry?

I am a Mother of one boy and one girl -how is that a joke ?????
beyond belief that people put up with this crap from their own children.

Oh, sorry about that, flow. They do grow out of this twatty phase, you know. Just think of it as he's going through the 'terrible twats'.

Flow Have you had any help to deal with this ?
I am really concerned that it is being normalized as "typical teenage behaviour" .
Sorry I hope I havent come across as criticising you - this is not "normal" tenage behaviour.-

I expect my teens to be polite - no rudeness,nastiness - I would add swearing but am not saintly in this aspect myself
However we have basic rules in this house
:
No shitty behaviour
No blaming
Dont be a fuckwit

This applies to everyone. young or old
It works usually.

I said teenage boy attempt to jokingly clear the air. NOT that it was a joke, do wind your neck in, mary poppins mrsbaggins.

I like 'terrible twats', lisaro :)

Not much help, no MrsB (and not for want of asking). I know it's not 'normal', and it has been totally fkng exhausting, dealing with him over the past couple of years. DS has always been a creature of extremes - unusually challenging, but also (sadly less often) capable of being unusually lovely. It was only Sunday night that he told me he was "lucky to have a mum like me". He is much improved on 6 months or a year ago. :)

aww hope that it continues to get better flow
Do maintain your firm ,consistent approach - I know its hard but its what he needs.
Do fuck off lisaro . Kids threatening their parents like this is rarely a joke .

The answer is get a job

Your job is to provide him with 3 squqre meals a day not keep him in hobnobs

I think op you are a saint i have a teenage boy and his DAD espically would not put up with this at all

He was being an ungrateful sod. Good to hear he's said sorry. There's no excuse for speaking to you so rudely.

(I really fancy a fried egg sandwich now.)

Mrsbaggins don't you even see the irony? You're so set on slagging off a teenager to make yourself feel better yet your using similar language. What's wrong, love? Scared your perfect kids will rebel one day? Grow up.

And, as far as I have read, nobody has said it WAS a joke.

Glad i'm not the only one who is left craving one after reading this thread

I do buy him meat that he can cook himself - bacon and sausages and ham. I have shown him how to cook a few 'proper' meat meals like chicken casserole, and offered to show him more, but he says he 'can't be bothered', and I'm not keen to push it, since I'm not fond of cooking meet and have been veggie since 1987! But vegetarianism is my choice, not his. He started eating meat when he started school dinners, and that's how he's had most of his meat since. He had meat for lunch at college yesterday too!

A chicken casserole doesn't cut it when you are hungry right now. It takes a while to even cook sausages and rashers, etc. Most teens opt for the quick satisfying empty calories of a sugary or salty snack instead. This is typical for teens they are the instant gratification kings (and queens).

It was a hungry, tired rant. He hasn't had one for a while, but it was a bad one. He said and texted nasty things. There was no way I would give him money for a kebab after he'd called me a bitch.

-- If ranting is something he does periodically then the two of you need to sit down and try to talk in a calm way when neither of you is hungry or tired and get to the root of the rants. Communicating that way is no way to behave and actually that is a bigger problem than the food issue. You can't claim to have raised him if he goes forth into the world thinking this is how to express his feelings to a person he lives with, bottling it up and then letting fly or whatever his pattern is. You should call a meeting and try to communicate quietly and respectfully. Maybe a third party could be involved.

I'm going to work now and not leaving him money for lunch, either. I know that's a bit petty, but I think he owes me an apology, and since I haven't had one, he can sort himself out today!

-- I agree that he needs to learn how to speak respectfully to you and being hungry or tired or both is no excuse for name calling and obstinacy. However, if you are getting child benefit for him then maybe he needs access to it to feed himself?

Neither of you is behaving in a particularly grown up right way now. As the adult you are going to have to try to lead by good example and teach him how to communicate more effectively, less disrespectfully, more consistently.

.....

A teenage boy should be consuming about 3200 calories a day and a lot of that needs to come from protein. As MoreBeta argued (not with much success) veg protein probably won't cut it for a growing teenage boy.

If you are complaining about kebabs and calling them junk, you need to look at the sausages and bacon you provide, which are very fatty and loaded with nitrites and nitrates. He really could use good quality lean animal protein.

I'm off to bed shortly to fight for the duvet with dh.

I expect he'll win, being a 6'3, 20 stone brick shithouse who gets called upon by neighbours from several streets away whenever there's heavy lifting to be done. Oh, & a strict vegetarian from the age of 13.

The main point here is that a 17 year old is perfectly capable of foraging for himself. He had every opportunity to make himself a huge pile of beans on toast rather than nagging for kebabs. OP has made it clear that she has no problem with stocking sausages etc, so he's hardly forced to live on lentil soup.

Good for him for apologising; he was being a total arse, & obviously realises it. & OP you are doing an excellent job in standing firm!

bacon can take a while to cook? when? when you are using a lighter.

I can't see anything on this thread that makes me think the OP is depriving her boy of his manly need for meat. Nor do i see where she was expecting him to cook a casserole at 10pm

Did you miss the bit where he said he was after noodles or bacon and the only reason there was none was because she has been ill?

He has accepted he was being unreasonable, why are you still trying to justify his behaviour?

Does he have any access to money/p-t job/ at all?

Sorry my PC took a while to catch up there!

'Manly need for meat' -- it's not some sort of joke.

Bacon and sausages are not healthy fare for anyone on a frequent basis.

lisaro

mathanxiety, truly one of the most absurd posts on MN in ages.

Turn the child benefit over to him so he can buy his own food?

Accept that because teenagers prefer instant gratification, that the OP should figure out a way for her son to have just that?

Bring in a third party to talk to her son? Because he's been disrespectful, she hasn't tolerated it, and he's apologized? She obviously can't be trusted to parent her own (obnoxious and bolshy, but being called up on it!) son.

Neither of you is behaving in a particularly grown up right way now. As the adult you are going to have to try to lead by good example and teach him how to communicate more effectively, less disrespectfully, more consistently.

This is just plain insulting to the OP. Condescending, undeserved, and silly.

Nobody "needs" meat. Sorry, that's just complete bullshit.

They might like it, they might prefer it but they don't need it.

brdgrl -

Had he been drinking? We have teen boys. Grumpy behaviour normal but calling you a bitch and sending three nasty texts sounds not normal (unless we are lucky).

Flow Your 17yo DS sounds exactly like my 15yo DS. (Except for the bitch bit). I am apologised to via text because he doesn't have the guts to do it face to face that's how some teenagers communicate.

Your DS was being an arse. Good for you for not leaving him any money for his lunch the next day that'll learn 'im!

Child benefit being handed over to a teenager is NOT a good call. If my DS is anything to go by, it would be spent within a couple of days of anything BUT food...... By the way, couldn't he have cooked himself a fried egg sandwich if it was protein and not overly healthy fast food he was after?