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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he shouldn't have to miss next weeks' swimming because he was naughty?

192 replies

KirstyJC · 17/10/2012 17:53

Today DS1 (9) had his weekly swimming lesson with school. He and quite a few other kids misbehaved in the changing room afterwards, and as a result he (and they) has been told he won't be allowed to go swimming next week.

Now, I have no problem with him being punished for being naughty - he has to respect what the teachers say and if he didn't then it is absolutely right that he gets into trouble for that. He isn't normally in trouble and I want this to be nipped in the bud and don't want him to think he can get away with it.

But, I don't think banning him from swimming is right, surely? I mean, would they do that for maths - a kid is naughty in a maths lesson so they get to miss the next maths lesson? I don't think so! As far as I know, swimming is on the curriculum and shouldn't be looked upon as a treat that can be witheld, but as a compulsory lesson that he shouldn't miss. He could stay in for break, write lines etc as a more suitable punishment.

I admit I am a bit biased as we rarely go swimming as a family so he is a very poor swimmer, and I am really keen for him to go for lessons with school, so perhaps I am crosser than I should be about this. I have also paid for the whole terms' lessons in advance, so if he doesn't go I want my money back. OK so it's not much but they cancelled a lesson last term and we didn't get it back for that either, and it all adds up!

So, MNers, I have my tin hat on - AIBU?

OP posts:
whathasthecatdonenow · 17/10/2012 20:04

I teach History. If a child misbehaves seriously they will be removed from their next History lesson and work from a text book in the office with a teacher on a non-contact. What they are not allowed to do is disrupt the learning of others. It may be their right to access that subject on the curriculum, but it is also the right of everyone else, and one child's rights do not trump the other 31 in the class.

I would suggest, OP, that if your child behaved badly at a swimming lesson, it becomes a safety issue and having done a Risk Assessment the school may deem it unsafe to allow him to participate until he can show some insight into his actions. It is also possible that the pool have told the school that unless action is taken they will not be allowed to return.

Scarynuff · 17/10/2012 20:05

You say that you don't want to undermine the school,

So what do you hope to gain from questioning the teacher's decision?

Do you want her to change her mind and let him attend swimming after all?

Because if that is the case, that is undermining the school.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 17/10/2012 20:08

I'm sure you do teach him to behave. I'm suggesting that in this matter of behaviour in a group setting under the school's supervision, you let them do their job.

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/10/2012 20:20

eBook

thank you for deciding what is the best use of my time.
certainly preferable to a culture where missing lessons is considered a suitable punishment
That would depend on how much danger you are prepared to put other pupils in.

akaemmafrost

"I hope my dc have teachers like you fromesme"

I suspect that you would feel otherwise if your child was suffering at the hands of other pupils.

Mrsjay · 17/10/2012 20:27

Nobody said you didn't teach your children how to behave all children can be naughty and misbehave but if they misbehave at school and he was faffing about at swimming where it could be dangerous as well then the teacher was right to not let him go next week,

Mrsjay · 17/10/2012 20:32

If a child is arsing about in say a science class touching stuff and turning gas taps on then I guess they couldn't be trusted, to do swimming same with misbehaving in a maths class, they are usually removed until they can behave , swimming is just the same your son misbehaved he was punished, I bet teachers wished parents left the teaching and appropriate punishment to them,

MamaBear17 · 17/10/2012 20:32

In fairness, if a pupil is badly behaved in a maths lesson then sometimes they do find themselves removed from the next maths lesson. Our school calls it 'internal exclusion'. The idea is to remove the pupil who has misbehaved in a visible way so that other pupils do not copy the behaviour. It also gives the child a chance to reflect on their behaviour and understand why they have been removed from working with the rest of their class. Missing one lesson might mean that they boys are more conscientious next time.

Paradisefound · 17/10/2012 20:35

I think the punishment perfectly suits the crime in this instance. Obviously a school that enforces discipline.

jewelledsky · 17/10/2012 20:37

I have taken children swimming for years. Taking 30 children swimming is a big responsibility and I have a zero tolerance approach to bad behaviour. I have to. The safety of the class is paramount. Children are also representing their school. I have made children miss swimming for poor behaviour they didn't misbehave again the next time they went.

OP - you are annoyed with the wrong person. Your son misbehaved. As a consequence of misbehaving he will miss his next swimming lesson. If he didn't want to miss his swimming lesson, then he should have behaved himself.

FromEsme - I'm astonished you find the time to psycho-analyse poor behaviour in such depth. I find that sort of wishy washy approach intensely irritating in a teacher.

GossipWitch · 17/10/2012 20:38

Sorry, but the crime does fit the punishment here.

123caughtaflea · 17/10/2012 20:48

Last week my son misbehaved at school in the morning and was not allowed to go swimming in the afternoon as a consequence.

I wasn't thrilled. I didn't see the connection between misdeed and consequence, it is part of the curriculum, I have made a voluntary contribution for it etc. He had also missed the previous two weeks because of injury, so that's half his school swimming this year down the drain. There were other issues too, but these ones are the relevant ones for you.

So I queried it. School told me that his behaviour in the morning led them to feel he wouldn't be safe (not listening etc) at the pool in the afternoon. And there is no answer to that. Safeguarding trumps everything: the right to access the curriculum, everything.

So I sucked it up. No way I was going to ask for the money back, that would have weakened any argument I did have even further.

I don't think you have any other option either OP.

ReallyTired · 17/10/2012 20:48

Its half term soon and many areas have intensive swimming courses. Why doesn't the OP use the time to get her son better at swimming. As the OP is a teacher she will have half term off be able to take her children to an intensive swimming course.

Its only one swimming lesson the boy is missing. Children miss swimming lessons for all kinds of reasons. Its not the end of the world.

McHappyPants2012 · 17/10/2012 20:50

I agree with the school.

Messing around in the changing room and not listening to the teacher is dangourous.

discrete · 17/10/2012 21:11

"In fairness, if a pupil is badly behaved in a maths lesson then sometimes they do find themselves removed from the next maths lesson."

If my school had implemented this they would have found a whole lot of very badly behaved pupils. I would have done anything to be removed from maths.

ReallyTired · 17/10/2012 21:17

"If my school had implemented this they would have found a whole lot of very badly behaved pupils. I would have done anything to be removed from maths. "

I doult it. There is a massive element of shame when a cocky year 6 is made to sit in a corner of the reception classroom because he/she has misbehaved.

In a secondary school internal isolation is not nice. Children are made to sit all day in cubicle and have to have their meals and breaks away from their friends. In a good school the time is used for a TA to discuss the behaviour with the child as well as the child getting on with work.

Sometimes parents have to stand back and let the school get one with disciplining the children as they see fit.

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/10/2012 21:32

Discrete

how would your parents have reacted to your constant removal from the lessons?

sashh · 17/10/2012 21:44

Messing around in maths isn't likley to kill you, or anyone else. Messing around at swimming could.

Feenie · 17/10/2012 21:49

There's no way I would be taking him swimming the following week - and no way you would be getting any money back either.

YABU.

FromEsme · 17/10/2012 21:56

jewelledsky If you think "what were you doing? who else was involved? why shouldn't you do it? what will you do to remedy that behaviour?" to be psychoanalytical, then you really have the wrong idea of what psychoanalysis is.

BoneyBackJefferson just because my methodology differs from yours, do you really think it is fair to suggest that children are suffering in my class? Since we implemented our behaviour policy, our grades have shot up, we have few behaviour problems and the children get on better. I wouldn't call that suffering.

BlueSkySinking · 17/10/2012 22:01

What was he doing to warennt such a punishment? Must have been serious. I expect he received a warning and had to stand out of the water during his last lesson? Water can be life threatening and shouldn't be messed about in. I would expect a swimming teacher to have firm boundaries in order to enforce safety.

WorraLiberty · 17/10/2012 22:02

YABU OP and really over thinking all this.

He was naughty at swimming, he has to miss the next swimming lesson.

It's that simple and it's not the end of the world.

Just support the school and let your child learn from this.

BlueSkySinking · 17/10/2012 22:02

How many children were messing about is completely irrelevant

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/10/2012 22:07

FromEsme

If thats how you read my post fair enough. But it was directed at akaemmafrost, but how would you feel if your child was being bullied and all the school did was reparations?

FromEsme · 17/10/2012 22:09

I don't have a child. Where on earth have I suggested that we don't deal with problems like bullying? There is an awful lot of assuming being done on this thread, so I'm aff.

Original poster
KirstyJC · 17/10/2012 22:10

Er, I don't know how you thought I was a teacher - I am not, and I am at work during half term. Think you are getting your posters muddled up somewhere along the line!

I will ask them about his behaviour at parents' evening next week just to make sure this was a one-off and there's not anything they're not telling us!

I guess we shall just have to suck it up but I am still cross with him. And I still think there could've been a better way of punishing him but there you go.

OP posts: