Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he shouldn't have to miss next weeks' swimming because he was naughty?

192 replies

KirstyJC · 17/10/2012 17:53

Today DS1 (9) had his weekly swimming lesson with school. He and quite a few other kids misbehaved in the changing room afterwards, and as a result he (and they) has been told he won't be allowed to go swimming next week.

Now, I have no problem with him being punished for being naughty - he has to respect what the teachers say and if he didn't then it is absolutely right that he gets into trouble for that. He isn't normally in trouble and I want this to be nipped in the bud and don't want him to think he can get away with it.

But, I don't think banning him from swimming is right, surely? I mean, would they do that for maths - a kid is naughty in a maths lesson so they get to miss the next maths lesson? I don't think so! As far as I know, swimming is on the curriculum and shouldn't be looked upon as a treat that can be witheld, but as a compulsory lesson that he shouldn't miss. He could stay in for break, write lines etc as a more suitable punishment.

I admit I am a bit biased as we rarely go swimming as a family so he is a very poor swimmer, and I am really keen for him to go for lessons with school, so perhaps I am crosser than I should be about this. I have also paid for the whole terms' lessons in advance, so if he doesn't go I want my money back. OK so it's not much but they cancelled a lesson last term and we didn't get it back for that either, and it all adds up!

So, MNers, I have my tin hat on - AIBU?

OP posts:
ll31 · 17/10/2012 18:46

because he's 9 not stupid!

Sirzy · 17/10/2012 18:46

Withdrawing from an activity they enjoy is actually a very effective punishments for a lot of children.

Original poster
KirstyJC · 17/10/2012 18:46

OK, to clarify - I am not, and will not, be mentioning that I am unhappy with this in front of any of the DSes. I fully intend to present a united front with the school - ie have already told him off and will consider further punishments at home when I find out what actually happened..

There are about 8 children who are apparently in this with him, so I imagine keeping them back at school would require an additional member of staff anyway.

And swimming is a timetabled lesson, one term per year. I think it is 2 classes so about 50 kids at once.

Oh and to whoever said I was ignoring people who disagreed with me and only answering those who do....er, did you read my reply? I gave a smiley in with my reply which I thought made it clear that I realised I was in the minority, and the only reason I 'zoomed in' on the one who agreed with me is because she was a teacher and I wanted to hear what she said. But that's OK, just go making assumptions based on other people and don't bother reading things for yourself. (And that was tongue in cheek too, just in case you can't tell). (well, a bit.....)

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 17/10/2012 18:47

It's a totally appropriate punishment. If you're so concerned about the missed lesson, op, you can take him yourself, you know.

ReallyTired · 17/10/2012 18:47

I think that missing a swimming lesson is fair enough. Your son is experiencing the consequences of his actions. An arbitary punishment like writing lines would not be as effective. Why should a few boys be allowed to spoil the swimming lesson for everyone else?

If a child serioulsy misbehaves in a maths lesson then its not unheard of for the child to be sent to another classroom or internally excluded. Exceptionally badly behaved children do miss maths lessons as a last resort as the other children have a right to learn.

I don't think you should ask for a refund. If money is tight then prehaps you should ebay some of your son's old clothes or toys.

If my son behaved like this then he would seriously regret it. Its called backing the school.

Original poster
KirstyJC · 17/10/2012 18:50

And about half the kids who were misbehaving were girls by the way.....not only boys are naughty you know!

OP posts:
FromEsme · 17/10/2012 18:51

Sirzy "It would depend on the exact circumstances" isn't exactly a hard answer either.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 17/10/2012 18:52

Yes, we know that. It was an assumption based on the fact that you described a group behaving badly , and generally, changing rooms are segregated

FromEsme · 17/10/2012 18:53

ll31 where did anyone say anything about "stupid"?

You don't tend to see adults running around changing rooms. Why? Because they realise the consequences of doing so. This child obviously doesn't. Whatever response I chose would be something that would ensure he did realise the consequences of acting in such a manner.

Original poster
KirstyJC · 17/10/2012 18:53

They all get changed together still !

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 17/10/2012 18:54

Blimey, do they? In cubicles?

Sirzy · 17/10/2012 18:55

You keep saying its not right Esme but are unable to give anything vaguely resembling a proper alternative. Come on if you think it's so wrong then answer people's questions. It's really not hard to imagine a situation 8 children messing in a dangerous environment is it?

Original poster
KirstyJC · 17/10/2012 18:56

No, the big family changing room I think. They still get changed for PE in the classroom too. Thought this was normal? Or maybe they were messing about outside of the changing rooms? Def some girls involved too - he was able to tell me the others who are banned (although, again, strangely his memory seemed less accurate when asked what they all actually did.....)

OP posts:
HongKongPhooy · 17/10/2012 18:57

you are very cryptic esme!

what are those consequences then, in your opinion??

FromEsme · 17/10/2012 18:57

Sirzy you really seem to be up for an argument. Is it making you a bit cross that you're not getting a rise from me?

I have told you. I wasn't there. I don't know what happened, who was there, if the rules had been explained, if there was adult supervision. I haven't talked to the children. I would always talk to the child before I decided on my response.

HongKongPhooy · 17/10/2012 18:59

i suspect OP's ds does know his behaviour was inappropriate probably

and just got over excited/ carried away in the moment...like kids do...its not a big philosophical dilemma!

Sirzy · 17/10/2012 19:00

Im not up for an argument at all, but you can't say that punishment is wrong and then offer no alternative. Surely if your not in a position to know enough to offer an alternative you are also not in a position to comment upon this as choice of punishment? You can't have it both ways.

FromEsme · 17/10/2012 19:00

I don't think I said it was, HongKongPhooy .

Original poster
KirstyJC · 17/10/2012 19:00

Emse - that's the problem I have too, I don't actually know the details of what happened. And even if he does tell me I certainly won't take it as gospel until I have checked with the school too!

I will most definitely be re-inforcing how he should be behaving and have already told him that he was in the wrong and that I am cross with him. Once I get the details of what actually happened I will be able to decide on a more appropriate punishment at home, which I expect to back up the punishment from school. I just don't feel comfortable with their response atm, although I guess that might change dependent on what they actually did?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/10/2012 19:02

I can understand what FromEsme is saying - the punishment would depend on the child and the circumstances.

What might stop this interrogation of FromEsme is if she were to suggest some options she might consider, in certain circumstances.

FromEsme · 17/10/2012 19:02

I did offer an alternative, Sirzy . My alternative is to speak to the children to find out what happened/what they think they did wrong and find a solution from there.

I'm not a position to comment? Get over yourself, it's an internet forum, I could have it all ways and a bag of chips.

FromEsme · 17/10/2012 19:03

STDG what might stop the interrogation is me going and getting my tea.

Sirzy · 17/10/2012 19:03

How do you know the teacher didn't do that Esme?

HongKongPhooy · 17/10/2012 19:04

does it actually matter exactly what happened OP?

do people really go into school and check all this out if their dcs have misbehaved? dont you let teachers deal with it as they see fit unless they deem it necessary to involve you as parents. Or dc reports some awful torture chamber type punishment?

MrsHoarder · 17/10/2012 19:04

I agree that he shouldn't be missing a curriculum lesson especially in something for which the teaching time is very limited and the child is weak. What other subject has time taken away as a punishment instead of (for example) keeping in at break?

It would be different if it was "stand outside the class for 5 minutes" if he was messing around in maths just because that is more a cooling off time than a punishment. Or if it was a purely voluntary afterschool club.

Sometimes a natural consequence punishment isn't suitable.