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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told MIL to go fuck herself?

241 replies

ellargh · 14/10/2012 16:57

DD was very ill last night. She had been unwell for 2 days but last night her temperature spiked, she was in a lot of pain with her throat and was in and out of sleep all day. I decided to call the OOH surgery who told me to get up there at 11:30pm. We have no car and no money until next week so had to ring about for help.

My dad had had a few drinks so couldn't and my only other family that drives is my grandad who was in bed. DPI phoned soon to be MIL as she lives a few streets away and both her and FILL are teetotal. She said she didn't want to then seemed to come around and asked "Who will be going?" DP said me and she said no then he said he would go instead. I am fed up of her shit she dislikes me for no reason and has the 5 years DP and I have been together. She has a reason now though as I shouted "Oh tell her to go fuck herself then".

DD ended up at the OOH after my sister sent us in a taxi to her house then back up to the OOH to lend me £20.

DP said I could have worded it differently but it's just what he didn't have the balls to say but now DP's sister is threatening me and apparently within 12 hours it's got around his aunties and uncles who now dislike me :/

Sorry this is long but I didn't want to drip feed. MIL and I don't get on but when it comes to a favour for her 4 year old GD surely it's not fair?

OP posts:
squoosh · 14/10/2012 21:20

Stop shouting Nonno, it's tiresome.

MrsBaggins · 14/10/2012 21:21

Oh FGS Nonno
The OP should sit there navelgazing while her DC is very ill and needs help .
Are you the MIL ???

perfumedlife · 14/10/2012 21:23

OP I don't think Nonnomum can see it from your point of view for whatever reason. Some folk just cannot conceive of such nasty behaviour for no reason. My Mil knew dh and I were frantic with worry over his son, my stepson. We had no way of contacting him, he was ten years old and his mother was unreachable. Turns out he was on the child protection register, in care and my dh's ex wife was living with Mil. So, she protected the ex dil who had tried to kill her own grandchild. She didn't tell her own son who was in despair. Her excuse? She 'didn't want to get involved' Angry

nkf · 14/10/2012 21:24

Nonno does mean grandmother doesn't it? Maybe they are all on here. Maybe the OP and the grandmother are posting alternately. Maybe it's all made up.

One tip someone once gave me - always keep enough cash in the house for a taxi to A&E.

GhostShip · 14/10/2012 21:25

Nonno - no-one is saying you shouldn't question things, but the way you worded it was questionable.

You made the assumption that the MIL is a little innocent old lady. We don't have anything to suggest she is. We can only go off what the OP says.

Corygal · 14/10/2012 21:26

How ill was your DD? Bad cold or anything that needed treatment?

Of course, you know you were foully rude, but your wedding will be grim now, and I'm not sure you deserve that.

Fakebook · 14/10/2012 21:31

I don't know. What mil did was a really bitchy thing. Completely horrible. But still don't think swearing at someone like that solves anything and you've given her more reason to hate you now. Upon hearing her say that, I would've just asked dh to ask her for some money and gone in a taxi myself.

Word of warning, people like your mil are crafty and very snide. She's playing you really well to make you react. The best way to deal with these people is to keep quiet and let them bark. They'll soon embarrass themselves and be exposed for the real thing they are. Seems like the whole family are the same. You need to learn to play them at their own game. Be sweet and cheerful in their presence. They'll hate it.

Mummiesarescary · 14/10/2012 21:32

It wouldn't matter to me if my dil was an evil cow who was awful to me for no reason. I'd still take her and my gd to the doctors

McHappyPants2012 · 14/10/2012 21:33

my sister was so nasty towards my husband when we first got together, but when she went into preterm labour and needed to get to the hospital asap my husband was there in a heartbeat.

It's called being human

catsmother · 14/10/2012 21:42

In the circumstances YANBU.

I wonder what would have happened had your partner been away that night for some reason and you were desperate for help ? Would the cold hearted cow really have refused to help out at all then if it were "just" you ? It doesn't bear thinking about.

I'm sorry you're having to put up with this, and pleased your daughter's improving. It beggars belief that anyone, let alone a grandparent would refuse to help an ill child if they could.

jjuice · 14/10/2012 21:51

YANBU...although some on here are nanno
I would have told her to go to fuck.
as for the comments about your child being ill for a couple of days and you doing nothing they can all fuck along off too. My DS had a cold when he was a baby I asked my best mate if i should take him to the dr she said nah he is fine it's just a cold...within 2 hours he had started to cough and cry...it was pneumonia. It came from NOWHERE. Same DS was crying in bed...DD came and told me...he looked like he had mumps...it was tonsilitis. He hadn't even complained of a sore throat up to that point ( he has Aspbergers and thus strange pain thresholds) so unless we all take our children to hospital at the first sniff don't throw stones.

Expat...words fail me. hugs (non mumsnetty)

Original poster
ellargh · 14/10/2012 22:03

DD has tonsilitis so she needed antibiotics. It wasn't until her temperature went over 39 that I really worried as I was always told a temperature of around 37-38 isn't high for her age group. it's what prompted a call to OOH instead of just waiting to take her to the GP tomorrow.

OP posts:
BlueSkySinking · 14/10/2012 22:41

I think its perfectly reasonable that you were annoyed. Maybe you could have used nicer words to express yourself but I wouldn't bother too much about the gossip. I think I would FB or tweet or text about how ill DD has been and how worried you were and say nothing about the MIL.

FutTheShuckUp · 14/10/2012 22:42

YADNBU.
I would like to high five you

inabeautifulplace · 14/10/2012 22:45

In the circumstances YANBU. In difficult times this woman cannot overcome her selfish nature. Seems totally normal to me that a young child would want mummy with them if they're ill.

One thing does come to mind though- perhaps there are lots of gps who are not into the whole big family experience. Not specifically about the OP situation, but I know my own Dad isn't moving heaven and earth to visit his GD. I respect that, he's earned his retirement and has got his own life to lead. Unquestionably he'd step up in a crisis, I just think some people aren't naturally family oriented. It doesn't make them horrible, just different.

Original poster
ellargh · 14/10/2012 23:04

That's the thing though. My father isn't into the whole family thing but still sees my DCs (his only grandchildren) at least once a fortnight for more than half an hour. SIL's son is the best thing since sliced bread though. He gets says out every two weeks with the grandparents and he gets toys as much as he wants them, she'll drive 20 minutes either way to see him twice a week while us round the corner get nothing. I'm bitter about that but don't dwell on it as I can't do anything about it. That's how I know the problem is with us rather than MIL not being a good grandparent as she's clearly capable of being one.

OP posts:
Original poster
ellargh · 14/10/2012 23:08

SIL's son is ten months younger than DD so it's not a PFB issue :(

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 15/10/2012 03:01

Why couldn't you just call an ambulance?

Original poster
ellargh · 15/10/2012 03:31

An ambulance to go to the OOH surgery?

OP posts:
LDNmummy · 15/10/2012 04:24

Even my toxic in-law's wouldn't stoop so low.

You reacted in the way I most likely would have.

Hope your DD feels better soon.

MidniteScribbler · 15/10/2012 04:31

If it's that much of an urgency that you needed to ring everyone you know for a lift at that time of night then you should go to emergency I would have thought.

scrablet · 15/10/2012 05:47

The OP was calling family, not all and sundry. An ambulance would not take you to ooh, only to a&e. Hope your DD managed to sleep thru and feels better today OP. And hope you get some rest yourself.

alienreflux · 15/10/2012 07:34

YANBU sometimes in situations like this, where there is no real reason you know of for such despicable behaviour, it needs bringing to a head.
you lost your rag, it's not nice being told to go fuck yourself, but maybe it needed saying, right there and then.
Nasty old bitch might just think on her behaviour in future.
And if not, you haven't lost a god damn thing.

TheWalkingDead · 15/10/2012 09:27

I completely understand where you're coming from OP. You were stressed and lashed out in the face of your STBMIL's nasty nature rearing it's head. Now I would suggest just getting on with your life and not talking to her again - it will make your life a million times less stressful as now you definitely know that bridges are burnt.

My step-MIL is manipulative and just not a nice person, so I don't speak to her at all. Haven't spoken to her for 5 years, so since before I got married. My DH and DCs see her and FIL every couple of weeks, FIL speaks to me and sees me and MIL is sort of civil to DH, but only as she loves the DCs. I've made it clear that she can come here to see the DCs whenever she wants, but she cuts her nose off to spite her face. Some people you just don't get on with at all and you're in the same place I was 5 years ago and now you know she's willing to go to such lengths to make her dislike for you apparent, you can get on with your life without her.

Original poster
ellargh · 15/10/2012 09:39

I don't want her in my life and the only reason she is is because of DP. The DCs are fine with or without her as has been proven.

DD2 (just turning 2 in a few weeks) projectile vomited this morning. :( She seems alright in herself but now I know she isn't well she's making me get overprotective.

OP posts: