to have told MIL to go fuck herself?

[ellargh]

DD was very ill last night. She had been unwell for 2 days but last night her temperature spiked, she was in a lot of pain with her throat and was in and out of sleep all day. I decided to call the OOH surgery who told me to get up there at 11:30pm. We have no car and no money until next week so had to ring about for help.

My dad had had a few drinks so couldn't and my only other family that drives is my grandad who was in bed. DPI phoned soon to be MIL as she lives a few streets away and both her and FILL are teetotal. She said she didn't want to then seemed to come around and asked "Who will be going?" DP said me and she said no then he said he would go instead. I am fed up of her shit she dislikes me for no reason and has the 5 years DP and I have been together. She has a reason now though as I shouted "Oh tell her to go fuck herself then".

DD ended up at the OOH after my sister sent us in a taxi to her house then back up to the OOH to lend me £20.

DP said I could have worded it differently but it's just what he didn't have the balls to say but now DP's sister is threatening me and apparently within 12 hours it's got around his aunties and uncles who now dislike me :/

Sorry this is long but I didn't want to drip feed. MIL and I don't get on but when it comes to a favour for her 4 year old GD surely it's not fair?

[GhostShip]

sorry BigWitchLegsInWailyTights but that isn't really the point is it?

It's all well and good in hindsight to say 'you should have had money'. Im sure the OP will learn from that but we're not all perfect and we don't all have back up contingency plans in place for everything!

On this one occasion she should have been able to rely on her family. But couldn't because of her idiot MIL.

[MrsKeithRichards]

I agree that you need to have something in place so you don't need to call on people you don't like late at night asking for help.

You don't like each other, fair enough, just work out a way to not get on with not liking each other that doesn't impact on everyone else.

[SoleSource]

Hi expat x

[pumpkinsweetie]

BigWitch Relying and asking are two different things but then again if you can't rely on your own family theres a problem!

[MrsKeithRichards]

But it doesn't sound like a surprise to them that mil can't be relied on.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

Expat you really don't need people like that in your life.

[OwedToAutumn]

My MIL sounds a lot like yours, and while I understand what you have done, you will live to regret this.

If I were you, I would apologise. Explain that you were feeling stressed because DD was so ill, and that you hope, as a mother, she can understand that, and that she will forgive you.

Buy flowers.

But also, tell your DP that he needs to stick up for you. When his mother asked who was going, he should've said, "Does it matter? DD is ill." And insisted she take you. Or otherwise said, well "I'm sorry you feel you can't help us, I'm sure we'll find someone who can."

He needs to make it clear that you and DD are his family.

[PumpkInDublic]

YANBU, regardless of whether you should have had £20 emergency taxi money, hindsight is a beautiful thing.

I cannot believe any Grandmother who truly cares a jot about her Granddaughter would refuse a lift based on who would be attending with her DGD. A four year old child, in pain and poorly, at 11:30pm.

Would anyone here refuse that lift to a neighbour they barely knew if they had a car, could afford the petrol and were capable driving? Given how frightening small children with temperatures can be I would forgive any parent a few harsh words at the time, a refusal to help I would not.

[GhostShip]

BUY FLOWERS?!!! What so she can act 'woe is me' and play the martyr? Things like that just enable her to keep acting like she is doing.

I wouldn't have anythng to do with her.

[McHappyPants2012]

I am not defending your soon to be MIL, but i may have a reason why she hates you. You and DP was only in a relationship for 2-3 months and then you was pregnant. i bet she may feels you 'trapped' him and yada yada yada.

TBH i would of stopped trying along time ago, and if mil wanted to see her GC she would have to make the effort

[ellargh]

MIL was a last resort. Usually if there is something unexpected my dad would help us but he wasn't to expect his and had been in the pub for his partners birthday. Only after exhausting the options did we bother MIL. I will be setting up an emergency fund as I definitely don't want a repeat of last night, emergency or otherwise.

[GhostShip]

My local taxi firm takes credit card payment so I know I'm never stuck thankfully!

[pigletmania]

YANBU at all, you are under a lot of stress and worry about your dd. it's one thing not to like you, but take it out on her poor granddaughter and not help her is beyond me. Mabey you could put away a lile each week and create an emergency pot of money just in case for taxi, petrol etc

[McHappyPants2012]

Also, my DH wouldn't be able to take the kids to OOH doctors,the DC want me when they are ill.

[OwedToAutumn]

I know what you're saying GhostShip but I have had a lot of heartache because of my MIL, and I wish, for myself and my family, that I had kept to the moral high ground.

The OP's MIL absolutely should fuck off, but telling her that will not help the OP or her family.

[alistron1]

If a friend/neighbour/acquaintance had a 4 year old that was poorly and needed my help I'd jump to it - I can't imagine (if I were a grandparent) being so obstructive.

YANBU for your heat of the moment response, and please do not apologise for it.

[ellargh]

I'm not buying her flowers. That's not happening. That may be me being stubborn but it won't help matters and I'm not that kind of person. I would say that I was wrong to have spoken to her like that but I don't believe I was wrong in what I was trying to say so I'm unsure how I would word it without just starting something over again.

[pumpkinsweetie]

Don't buy her Flowers!!!
And don't apologise!!!

A mil that puts her own feelings before her own granchilds........seriously i would estrange myself from her

[McHappyPants2012]

Don't you dare apologise.

[GhostShip]

If keeping the moral high ground means pandering to a heartless witch and letting her have her own way, then I'd rather not keep it.

I'm bloody glad my mum will never be the MIL from hell. DP's is a pain in the arse at times though...

[pigletmania]

No don't apologise, you were justified saying that to a horrid woman who hates you fr no good reason and who refused to help her grandchild when she was sick. Tere is only so much shit a person can take, you have nthing to lose with toxic nasty in laws.

[diddl]

I wouldn´t bother any more.

And if she doesn´t ask to see the children, I´d see if your stbh would stop taking them & just see her himself if he really wants to.

I just don´t understand some people.

Not that long after I moved here my oldest had been throwing up & I needed to fetch my youngest from kindergarten.

I asked my neighbour to sit with my oldest for about 15mins.

I barely knew her, but it never occurred to me that if it was possible she would refuse.

That a family member did just astounds me.

[maddening]

Yanbu - she sounds childish so don't worry about it. Personally think she has treated you with such undeserved disdain that she probably deserved it - although it could have been put more eloquently it definitely puts the point across. The fact she has used it to turn the rest of the family against you is awful and dh should have a quiet word to ensure they have the full picture.

i also think your dh should press her for the reason she took such a dislike to you!

[Shelby2010]

YABU - you shouldn't have said that.

What you should have said is 'Well fuck her & the horse she rode in on! - a great phrase I read on Mumsnet and am still waiting to use.

She sounds like a bitch. Hope DD feels better soon.

[ellargh]

Apparently when I was at a family party one time I said to DP which theyd overheard "I'd rather be out here (outside) than in there as I can't stand it". This was taken to the family as I can't stand them because they were pandering to DC's and then ignoring me etc. It hurt me that outside of that party they'd barely taken any interest in our DC's and yet were saying how precious they were and then word got around about how I hated all the family and that I was ignorant and snooty for not staying in the room for the full 3 hours.

It's shit like this rather than actual fighting. Situations where comments are misconstrued and I end up the bad person. DP set them all straight on the day but they called him a liar and we left. They're not a confrontational family so no outright arguments or fights and it's all Chinese whispers and hushed snide remarks. If it was a row I could hold my own but how can I possibly compete with that?