to have told MIL to go fuck herself?

[ellargh]

DD was very ill last night. She had been unwell for 2 days but last night her temperature spiked, she was in a lot of pain with her throat and was in and out of sleep all day. I decided to call the OOH surgery who told me to get up there at 11:30pm. We have no car and no money until next week so had to ring about for help.

My dad had had a few drinks so couldn't and my only other family that drives is my grandad who was in bed. DPI phoned soon to be MIL as she lives a few streets away and both her and FILL are teetotal. She said she didn't want to then seemed to come around and asked "Who will be going?" DP said me and she said no then he said he would go instead. I am fed up of her shit she dislikes me for no reason and has the 5 years DP and I have been together. She has a reason now though as I shouted "Oh tell her to go fuck herself then".

DD ended up at the OOH after my sister sent us in a taxi to her house then back up to the OOH to lend me £20.

DP said I could have worded it differently but it's just what he didn't have the balls to say but now DP's sister is threatening me and apparently within 12 hours it's got around his aunties and uncles who now dislike me :/

Sorry this is long but I didn't want to drip feed. MIL and I don't get on but when it comes to a favour for her 4 year old GD surely it's not fair?

[ellargh]

DP obviously wants his family there but has agreed to just do it in a nice outfit with our two best friends as witnesses and instead of a reception we'd have a night on the town drinking and dancing to celebrate. If our family would like to join us that is up to them. We would have a 'wedding' for our 5 or 10 year anniversary if we could afford it. On our budget we were just having a register office ceremony then having a meal in a restaurant where everyone paid for their own meal as a present if they wanted to come anyway.

Expat. Jesus. There are no words. I could never class my MIL as mean and callous as that!!

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

:( expat

[ravenAK]

I can imagine saying it under the circumstances, but I think I'd apologise afterwards.

She might well be a selfish unhelpful old witch - all the more reason to try to hang on to the moral high ground...

Although DP needs to have a word with his sister, aunties etc...'DP & Mum had words, that's all, & it's between the two of them to sort it out, or not. Meanwhile my dd's been ill & you lot mouthing off about her mother isn't helping us as a family, so if you wouldn't mind winding your necks in...'

[expatinscotland]

Ellargh, accept that some people are completely self-absorbed and selfish.

In our case, we learned the IL's are unwilling to let anything disrupt their own comfort and plans. So they're welcome to all that, without us in their lives.

Glad I don't have to listen to their constant moans about their health problems.

[ellargh]

Nobody knows Everlong. She has never said and when asked changes the subject. The only issue I can think if is the situation upthread I mentioned but the not bothering with the DCs etc started before that for me to want to go outside.

[lovebunny]

op, sack the lot of them. i'm not joking. i'd sack your mil's son, as well. get rid of the lot. what are they doing to make your life better?

[expatinscotland]

Ours still wanted DH to go through to theirs, of course, to give him presents for DS's and DD2's birthday and Christmas.

He said no.

They didn't have time for their granddaughter with cancer, so we don't have time for them.

[expatinscotland]

They posted cards to DH for his birthday.

Never said sorry for how they acted because they don't honestly think they did anything wrong.

Apparently it's all my fault for not making MIL feel wanted.

I had other things on my mind.

[londone17]

One day she will need a favour ellargh, then she'll know what it feels like. Hope your daughter gets well soon.

[ellargh]

I don't think I would have been able to restrain myself from minor physical violence, expat. Just a punch in the face.

[expatinscotland]

I was too aggrieved, ella. My father was furious!

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

Expat, I have no words. That level of selfishness and self absorption...your DH must be devastated that his parents have shown so little support.

[waltermittymissus]

Expat :( I don't even have words for that!

[ellargh]

Thank you everyone. So far DD has slept from 7pm but I'm thinking she might be up again soon :(

If I could be accepted, be civil and have her love her GC then it would be great. Sadly that isn't going to happen. DP is having a serious conversation with himself right now as to whether she deserves to be in any of our lives after the way she has acted these past few years.

[PeppermintLatte]

Expat, i am so very sorry for what you have been through. So glad you have got those disgusting creatures out of your life. Wishing you, your DH and your kids all the best for the future xxxxx

[londone17]

Im very sorry expat.

[expatinscotland]

He didn't see it, till several others and I pointed it out. He's used to it.

See, ella, people like your MIL are so self-centred, they'll never see anything they do as wrong.

So they're not worth the price of piss.

[cocolepew]

Anither thing puzzles me is people saying you shouldn't be rude to someone because if their age. MIL is in her 60's and is an utter bitch, she was a bitch all her life, her age isn't an excuse.

Being old doesn't give you a get out clause for being rude.

[CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake]

My former MIL told me to 'get over it' when I had a miscarriage. I was very young and upset, it was the day after I had got home from the hospital having the D and C.
I had tried so hard to become close to her for all the time I knew her in every way I could (I was only 16).
I told her to fuck off.
She did and I haven't heard a word from her for about 13 years now, she divorced my former FIL and no one else in the family speaks to her no surprise there
A grandmother who doesn't move heaven and earth to help their grandchild get medical help is worth nothing.

[CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake]

Just read expats posts.
So sorry for your loss x

[perfumedlife]

YANBU

Well, you may have held the moral high ground if you hadn't told her to fuck off but I can totally see why you did. It's one thing for her to say I can't go, for whatever reason, but to dictate that she would not go if you were there was just poisonous. Still, at least you now know exactly where you stand with her and don't need to keep up the pretense with her.

I sacked my MIL three years ago after similar crap, best thing I ever did. Life is hard, don't fill it with folk who add to it's problems.

[NonnoMum]

Er, as I understand she didn't say she wouldn't drive, she just implied she would rather be in the car with her son, than her soon to be DiL? She might have thought the child's dad would be calmer at the OOH Drs than the mother? Or she might just be nasty, I have no idea. I only have the OPs point of view.

It's easy to come on here and slag off other people and make yourself feel better.

Maybe the OP is an angel. Maybe she is Karen Matthews. I've absolutely no idea. Sometimes thinking about WHY someone behaves towards another human being in such a negative way makes for a more interesting discussion than merely agreeing with the OP and helping her feel better about her outburst?