to have told MIL to go fuck herself?

[ellargh]

DD was very ill last night. She had been unwell for 2 days but last night her temperature spiked, she was in a lot of pain with her throat and was in and out of sleep all day. I decided to call the OOH surgery who told me to get up there at 11:30pm. We have no car and no money until next week so had to ring about for help.

My dad had had a few drinks so couldn't and my only other family that drives is my grandad who was in bed. DPI phoned soon to be MIL as she lives a few streets away and both her and FILL are teetotal. She said she didn't want to then seemed to come around and asked "Who will be going?" DP said me and she said no then he said he would go instead. I am fed up of her shit she dislikes me for no reason and has the 5 years DP and I have been together. She has a reason now though as I shouted "Oh tell her to go fuck herself then".

DD ended up at the OOH after my sister sent us in a taxi to her house then back up to the OOH to lend me £20.

DP said I could have worded it differently but it's just what he didn't have the balls to say but now DP's sister is threatening me and apparently within 12 hours it's got around his aunties and uncles who now dislike me :/

Sorry this is long but I didn't want to drip feed. MIL and I don't get on but when it comes to a favour for her 4 year old GD surely it's not fair?

[pumpkinsweetie]

Charming nonnomum!
I you mil is on here op

[londone17]

Not everybody can afford to learn to drive and run a car. Op's dad isn't a mind reader. Op's daughter was monitered but got worse. A lot of people are struggling for money now in case you hadn't noticed. Her daughter was ill and OP was worried, so asked for a one off favour because she was desperate. Things happen, can you plan every minute of every possible scenario that may take place nonnomum?

[GhostShip]

Nonnomum

Please do go boil your head, there's a dear.

[PumpkInDublic]

She didn't "bother" to learn to drive, but at least she's bothered to read the thread NonnoMum, OP has not given her age. HTH.

[hermioneweasley]

I'm another one for cutting contact. That the MIL would use her dislike of OP (for whatever reason) as a reason to not help her granddaughter is shocking. This woman has no place in your life or your DD's life.

[Fabulousfreaks]

I am always shocked by the mn attitudes that think it is unreasonable and wrong to ask family for help/favours and that it is selfish to rely on family. Who are you people? I don't know anyone in rl who think like that. Of course there are people who cannot rely on family or have horrid relatives but to think it is wrong beggars belief. A healthy family is there for you and you for them.

So op yanbu, your mil deserved a lot worse than a fuck off.

[waltermittymissus]

Bitchy old cow!

Bin her off OP. Who gives a damn if she's upset/not at your wedding?

Your dp shouldn't have allowed them to treat you badly for this long. His "keeping the peace" in this situation is a total cop out.

[AnyaKnowIt]

YANBU I can't believe she refused because of you

I would have told her to fuck off as well!

At that time off night, a stranger could knock on my door asking for a lift to take their dc to ooh and I would take them no problem

[PumpkInDublic]

Just wanted to say it's lovely how many people would put themselves out to drive a stranger to hospital if needed late at night. for you all, you lovely people.

[Lavenderhoney]

Blimey op, she does sound awful. At least she is not always round moaning though. The fact she didn't want to take your dd then stipulated it had to be your dp would be enough for me. It sounds very close knit family mind you, which I haven't experience of- both me and dh got out of that and live hundreds of miles away so we have friends we choose and family we choose to see.

Can you ask at the doctors what to do if it happens again? We have call out in our area, and our doctor knows our circumstances, lives nearby and is happy to pop in.

[expatinscotland]

'What sort of 'grandparent' refuses to drive mum & child to hospital? Because even my awful mil wasn't that dreadful & thats saying something! '

The same kind who, when her exhausted DIL and son beg her to stay another day helping them both get a break as their child is in ICU, says no and leaves because she 'can't bear to see her go this way'.

The same kind who, because they'd planned to spend the weekend with half-board at an inn near her son, DIL and grandkids, but one of them was diagnosed with cancer the night of their arrival, carried on holidaying, didn't offer to look after the child's siblings so her son could go see that child with cancer except around their paid for breakfast (which ended at noon), and dinner even though the hospital was an hour and a half drive each way.

The same kind who, again came to visit, and was asked to drop off her grandchilld's laundry on the way home, it was on teh way, sent her son instead, two kids in tow, because they wanted to take a more scenic route home.

The same kind who never once offered to come through of a weekend or during the week (they're retired) to look after the other two so her son could spend more time with his child (it was always, 'you can bring them here).

The same kind who, when her son went through to lodge wtih them, obstensibly so he could spend more time with his child, had him drive his dad to an appointment about an ulcer.

Some people don't deserve grandchildren.

[pumpkinsweetie]

Expat!
Hope you have estranged yourself from, what selfish arseholes.

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

Christ, expat :(

[cocolepew]

YANBU.
I've told MIL to fuck off more than once, unfortunately she has the skin of a rhino.

When DD1 was very young she was admitted to hospital with dehydration due to vomiting and diahorrea MIL rocked up with a big smile on her face and her bag of knitting and sat down saying "isn't this great? All of us together spending time together?" DH was the one who told her to fuck off that time.

[Northernlurkerisbehindyouboo]

Some people just aren't very good at (grand)parenting are they?

[cocolepew]

Sorry to hear that expat, how selfish

[Aerobreaking]

ellargh I agree YANBU! Your MIL was totally out of order.

However

I think your DP needs to step up. I know you said he stood up for you with his family but I'm not sure he really has. IMHO he needs to make it clear to his family that you are his soon-to-be wife, and mother of his children, and you deserve to be respected. And if they can't respect the woman he chose to spend his life with, then quite frankly they don't deserve to have your lovely little family in their life. It sounds like he just wants to keep the peace (I think a lot of men do) but no-one is really winning in this situation are they? And strained civility with hushed comments isn't really peaceful anyway?

Hope DD gets better soon, tonsillitis can be rotten.

[ellargh]

I'm not 45. I'm in my late twenties. DP has a license but we can't afford a car. :/ My father wasn't drunk but he'd had enough to drink that would render him dangerous to drive so I would never take the risk. It wasn't his fault he, as a grown man, had a few drinks on a Saturday night without worrying about a possible emergency from his grown up daughter. My daughter had been ill but until the high temperature I thought it was just a cold. As soon as I noticed the high temperature I took the appropriate action. If you're my MIL, off you fuck. Again.

[BarbarianMum]

[Strawhatpirate]

YANBU and please don't apologize! Anyone who would refuse to help a poorly 4yr old let alone their own gd is a complete c*nt.

[treedelivery]

I hope I'd help my child out in similar circumstance (any circumstances). Can anyone imagine saying no to their son or daughter in this sort of example?

[BambinoBoo]

My DH recently drove our neighbour to A&E as his DGD had fallen and banged her head. His wife was out with the car and not answering. DH didn't blink. To think that your DD's own GM put conditions on a lift is shocking. It sounds like you telling her to fuck off was only a matter of time. Your DD was ill, everything was conspiring against you and all you wanted was to get her to hospital. I'd have told her to fuck off too in your shoes.

I'd be rethinking the wedding day; i can imagine a day of bitchy comments and whispering. We eloped for similar reasons which gave them something to really hate me for. Got so bad we moved 200 miles away and I've not seen them in 18 months. Your DP needs to man up on this. Trust me, mine didn't and it almost tore us apart. To say I felt/ feel resentment would be an understatement.

Hope your DD is on the mend soon.

[Strawhatpirate]

Expat there aren't any words to let you know how sorry I am for everything you've been through.