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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you give up your seat on a crowded train

335 replies

akaemmafrost · 08/10/2012 18:19

During rush hour, for a child, say between the ages of 5 and 11?

I would and have. It's just a discussion I was having today and I thought I would put it to MN.

OP posts:
GoSakuramachi · 09/10/2012 09:00

And how would you know they were able bodied? If they are asking for a seat, they need one. Letting your able bodied children loll about turning down an adult who needs it more is unbearably self centred, and bad mannered. This is what you want to teach your children?

Coprolite · 09/10/2012 09:04

I wouldn't,and neither would they know that my children were.

Coprolite · 09/10/2012 09:06

Oh,and my children wouldn't loll about turning down an adult.My children don't loll about.They are taught to sit properly and safely on a seat.

I would turn down the adult on their behalf.

Coprolite · 09/10/2012 09:07

Furthermore,I have already explained that an adult who needs it more wouldn't be turned down.

So,climb down.

Tigresswoods · 09/10/2012 09:10

I would for a small child. Slightly bigger child probably enjoys the different feeling of standing.

Paiviaso · 09/10/2012 09:11

Nope.

MadBusLady · 09/10/2012 09:12

If I asked, Coprolite, it would be because I needed it. It's possible to be "able-bodied" and still on the odd occasion be urgently in need of a seat, as in the instances I mentioned above.

Honestly, I really think the "move if asked" way is better, unless you are in urgent need yourself. Most people are not going to ask to take the piss.

catgirl1976 · 09/10/2012 09:12

I'd be hoicking up my judgey pants at an adult who let thier able bodied child sit instead of offering a seat to an adult if there were not mitigating cirumstances.

But I think manners matter and clearly not everyone does. :(

MainlyMaynie · 09/10/2012 09:17

I was always brought up to give up my seat for an adult. But if a mother and child were standing and obviously struggling, I would give up a seat for them to share. I would expect a child to sit on a lap, so wouldn't give up a seat only for the child iyswim.

Whistlingwaves · 09/10/2012 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjay · 09/10/2012 09:24

I thought it was a given that older children gave adults seats Confused my 19 yr old still does it more often than not the person will say no you are ok but at least she offers.

Coprolite · 09/10/2012 09:28

I was also brought up to give up my seat for an adult.

My children and I have lovely manners.

But respect is given where respect is due.There are enough not so nice people in the world for me to feel entirely justified in teaching my kids that they don't always need to give in to others at the drop of a hat.Because sometimes it seems adults do just want a seat because they have paid full fare.

I would never justify someone - child or adult not giving their seat to someone in greater need.

Whistlingwaves · 09/10/2012 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoSakuramachi · 09/10/2012 09:29

I won't actually. If someone asks for a seat, its because they need it. Are you going to give them a medical exam before you shift your pampered kids from their seats? Or humilate them in a packed carriage to tell you exactly whats wrong with them.
Selfish. And entitled.

sue52 · 09/10/2012 09:34

I would expect the 5-11 child to give up his seat to someone more in need of it. I was brought up to do this and so were my daughters.

Mrskbpw · 09/10/2012 09:37

I have commuted for years and years and years on tubes and trains (weeps gently at how much money/time I have spent on London transport).

Of course adults shouldn't give up their seat for a child. Unless the child is struggling. If it's a really busy train they won't 'fly' anywhere because you can barely move anyway. Or, here's an idea - try to plan your journey so you're not on a train at rush hour. Obviously if it's for a hospital appointment or something then you don't have much choice, but if it's just a day out at the Natural History Museum...

But generally of course you should give up a seat for anyone who might need it - pregnant, on crutches, looking woozy - I once gave my seat to a woman who was crying (I also gave her a tissue), generally a bit unstable.

Also, of course people shouldn't put bags on seats, or sit with their legs apart. Or, my pet hate, sit on the outside seat of a group and then expect you to clamber over when they could have just moved up.

And of course people can sit on a bank of six seats on their own. That's just mental. And actually, I'd go as far as to say, you shouldn't eat stinky McD's on a train either. It's anti-social. As is loud music through headphones.

And relax. Ooh I feel a bit better for getting that off my chest. Sorry!

Kalisi · 09/10/2012 09:55

I always give my seat to anyone who asks for it. I would assume that even the most able-bodied person can, on occasion feel exhausted\sick\unable to stand on a crowded train so would always give them benefit of the doubt. As for children, I don't think I have a blanket rule really but I'd like to think I'm quite observant and would definately offer my seat if it looked like child or mum were struggling.

TheCollieDog · 09/10/2012 09:58

*I'd be hoicking up my judgey pants at an adult who let thier able bodied child sit instead of offering a seat to an adult if there were not mitigating cirumstances.

But I think manners matter and clearly not everyone does.*

What catgirl says.

DeWe · 09/10/2012 10:28

Depends.

If it was full I'd take my younger ones onto my lap to free up seats. I've also perched them on luggage in the corridors as they're quite happy with that as a seat, where it might be uncomfortable for an adult.

When we were going to the olympics there was an overwhelming consensus among the passengers to seat all children first. Also because they were smaller, they could fit more per seat. My dc ended up in a group of 5 seats, with 10 childen sitting there and two on the floor space between them.
When other families got on, adults stood up and offered the children the seats. It was a very "family" type atmosphere in the carriage.

If you explained OP (from first page) I would never have an issue in standing me or any of my dc up for him.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 09/10/2012 10:29

No. Kids can sit on adults' laps, or stand. It angers me to see people put their small children on a seat when adults are having to stand.

That doesn't include kids who are less able to stand because of health conditions, before someone jumps down my throat. Also, if someone was clearly struggling with the number of kids they had and/or bags, luggage etc and a seat would help, then I'd offer. But normal circumstances, no particular luggage issues, able-bodied child ? no-brainer.

honeytea · 09/10/2012 10:29

I think anyone who is asked should give up their seat (unless they have an invisable disability or morning sickness or some other reason the need to sit) I can't see the logic of children standing up to let an able bodied adult sit down.

TheCollieDog · 09/10/2012 10:40

But that able-bodied adult may have been at work all day and be exhausted.

SadPanda · 09/10/2012 10:44

But that able-bodied adult may have been at work all day and be exhausted.

... and paid a heck of a lot more for ticket too.

GoSakuramachi · 09/10/2012 11:01

If you don't understand the rules of basic manners, I don't think anyone can explain it to you now. Your ma should have taught you right a long time ago.

PeshwariNaan · 09/10/2012 11:05

London commuter here. If it's a child who's closer to 5, yes to a seat for child/ mum if they're struggling. Closer to 11 and able-bodied (unless the parent asks for a seat for their child, in which case I will happily give it), probably not.

And as far as "able-bodied" appearing people: I had severe (very severe) NVP/ morning sickness for 5 months, and for some of that I didn't look pregnant. I can assure you, though, I was very, very ill. Dizzy, nauseated, sweaty, vomiting into a bag. I tried to keep it quiet on the train but I felt like that was the time I needed a seat the most and couldn't ask for it.

In my experience an adult will only ask for a seat if they really need it.