Because i dont bloody well think i am!

[mosschops30]

Was away for work sun- tues, dh looked after dcs but did nothing else, food on worktoos, no washing done etc.
So yesterday i tidy up as best i can (working full time) trying to catch up on washing.
Dh and ds1 on xbox as usal.
Same tonight, finished dinner, ds2 wants to go to bed and dh and ds1 sit down for an xbox game. So i am left with all the ckearing up, washing worktops, loading dishwasher etc.
Then i spyed ds1 jumper just thrown on kitchen floor and i asked him to come and pick it up, no repky so i said i woukd count to 3, then dh pipes up 'whoa hold on we're in the middle of a game.
At which point i really lost it, went into living room and attempted to turn tv off but dh blocked me (not pushing me just putting his arm up). Ds1 is laughing through all this which i think is pretty disgusting.
I told dh he should not be encouraging this behaviour of throwing your stuff on the floor and then laughing at your own mother.
Dh said i was 'psychotic' and 'totally out of order' and took ds1 up to our room where they have been since.

So am i out of order? I am friggin livid!

[HiHowAreYou]

The straw that broke the camel's back was your son's but the real problem clearly appears to be your DH.

I wondered... Your DD has regular jobs and your DS of a similar age is only expected to get himself out of bed. Does DD earn extra privileges or rewards for her work?

[EverybodysCryEyed]

I think the dd is 16 and the ds is 7

[Numberlock]

Your DD has regular jobs and your DS of a similar age is only expected to get himself out of bed

Because one's a boy and one's a girl and in this household the women do the work and the men sit round playing games.

And yes I know the boy is 7 and the daughter's 16.

[EverybodysCryEyed]

I don't think the jobs are unreasonable. Depends what was expected of dd at 7. It would be unreasonable if his jobs didn't increase with age though.

I think it's a bit harsh to suggest moss is bringing up a Neanderthal just from this thread

[Machadaynu]

I'm a husband and the DP and I have differing ideas about 'tidy'

When I have the kid and she is at work, the house does, admittedly, look worse than the days she has the kid and I am at work - but I genuinely don't notice it until she points it out. I just have a higher 'mess threshold' I think.

However, your DH is totally out of order.

[HiHowAreYou]

Sorry, I thought the DS was 17! My mistake!

[ethelb]

I know the issue isn't the xbox, but there is something about them that turns even the nicest men into vile, agressive, violent, entitled shits.

The only (two) times my very gentle DP has ever shouted at me has been over asking him to do something (vvv minor) when playing xbox. He has said that he does feel it changes his emotions quite violently when playing and we have agreed that he doesn't play it around me. Oh, and the last time he shouted at me we agreed that if he did it again he would be kicked out. We generally don't argue so the xbox stuff is v out of character.

Bin (smash up and throw into a canal) the xbox and then sort the rest of his behaviour out is my advice.

[cestlavielife]

if you now workin full time and dh is to then you get a cleaner and ironer. stop irnonin for anyone.

do online shiopping, when you done it once it will store yourfavourites and you just order same stuff each week. no one has to go out and supermarket shop, except maybe to get somethng special/different to the usual or run out of.

you could stand behind xbox and when is clear pause you turn it off so they cant say "but its in midle of game"...

the fact he blocked you with arms is worrying is he much bigger stronger than you ? (even if not when someone is angry they develop a lot of strength...)

[boredandrestless]

Why couldn't your DS have pressed pause, put his jumper away and then gone back to the game?

I would be setting up a rota with everyone having daily jobs, and would be setting up a whiteboard with house rules, the main one being, no sitting down until things are tidied away (pots, clothes, school stuff, etc).

Your husband sounds more like a child in the house than a supportive adult partner.

His lack of respect for you is evident in what you have posted. I hope he changes his way but I doubt he will.

[Numberlock]

When I have the kid

the days she has the kid

Lovely terminology you use for describing your son or daughter, macadaynu.

[mamamila]

The problem is that you see the housework as your responsibility and your dh is helping you out by doing any of it.this has to change

[Machadaynu]

I don't like 'DD' or 'DC' It's not what I call her in real life, it's sort of her name for here - I think it as her name, but type it as 'the kid'

At least it's actual words rather than an acronym :)

[FerrisBueller1972]

I get where you are coming from Machadaynu, I really don't like the 'darling son/daughter/husband/wife'

You would think you had just referred to said child as 'little shit'

[FerrisBueller1972]

Mosschops - he really does need to pull his finger out, I would also 'lose' the XBox..... You sound stressed and knackered and at the end of your tether :(

[Numberlock]

I don't like acronyms either, I just think 'my son' or 'my daughter' is preferable to 'the kid'. That's all.

[Machadaynu]

I'll bear that in mind, Numberlock, but, well, she is a kid, and to me she is the definitive article. 'The kid' therefore seems about right to me, and I like that 'the kid' is non-gender specific too.

I don't think I'm going to be able to please you. Sorry.

[dinkystinky]

Mosschops, he is being out of order - but yelling and shouting in front of DS1 about a jumper on the floor werent great either on your part (you werent really angry with DS1 I think, actually with DH).

I agree with other posters - a rota of everyone's tasks (DS1's tasks can include tidying his room/up after himself and helping tidy up after meals) and getting a cleaner if you can afford it will help take some of the pressure off of you. You also need to talk to DH about how you are feeling the pressure and cant work full time, do a masters and do the lions share of the housework all at the same time so something has to give.

[mosschops30]

He left for work this morning without saying goodbye.
My neighbour rang and asked if we wanted to go round with dcs tonight for curry, so I txt Dh and asked if he fancied it, he replied 'no'

I rang him twice and he cut it off. When he did phone I said look let's go it might break the ice. He said he's pissed off with me and has a right to feel like that. I said I'm pissed off with him but don't feel the need to drag it out for weeks.
We are supposed to be out tomorrow, have theatre tickets.

We can't afford a cleaner.

I have apologised to ds1 for my behaviour last night and have told him that he will have jobs to do from now on and that we will discuss it together.

He's just pulled up so will keep you posted

[EverybodysCryEyed]

He's being very childish. In fact it sounds like your 7 year old is more mature.

Could you take your dd to the theatre if he is still sulking?

The best way to deal with a sulked is to ignore. If he persists in acting like a child, keep treating him like one!

Good luck!

[Numberlock]

Please don't pander to him. Go for the curry with the kids and to the theatre with your daughter or a friend. Let him sulk and enjoy some well-deserved free time.

[Brycie]

I don't think your husband is a very nice person, sorry. Or maybe he is, but he isn't being very nice to you.

[mosschops30]

It's not really appropriate for dd we were seeing a comedian.
I can't afford to go and pay for a curry unfortunately, am skint after my 'jolly'

[RandomMess]

I just can't believe he's being such an arse!

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

It is like he actually thinks you are a sub-species that he can treat like shit whenever he feels like it. He has a 'right' to feel how he does?

Fuck him, I would be telling him to go and find a sofa for the weekend to snap out of his mood if I were you.

Moss - if you back down now, this will be your life for the next god knows how long. You have to make a stand.