Because i dont bloody well think i am!

[mosschops30]

Was away for work sun- tues, dh looked after dcs but did nothing else, food on worktoos, no washing done etc.
So yesterday i tidy up as best i can (working full time) trying to catch up on washing.
Dh and ds1 on xbox as usal.
Same tonight, finished dinner, ds2 wants to go to bed and dh and ds1 sit down for an xbox game. So i am left with all the ckearing up, washing worktops, loading dishwasher etc.
Then i spyed ds1 jumper just thrown on kitchen floor and i asked him to come and pick it up, no repky so i said i woukd count to 3, then dh pipes up 'whoa hold on we're in the middle of a game.
At which point i really lost it, went into living room and attempted to turn tv off but dh blocked me (not pushing me just putting his arm up). Ds1 is laughing through all this which i think is pretty disgusting.
I told dh he should not be encouraging this behaviour of throwing your stuff on the floor and then laughing at your own mother.
Dh said i was 'psychotic' and 'totally out of order' and took ds1 up to our room where they have been since.

So am i out of order? I am friggin livid!

Looks like a good list; this will help your children to be independent people when they grow up too, so that they don't have to rely on someone else to cook, clean and wash for them.

Can you present this list, as a fait accompli - this is how things will be done, that you expect cooperating from every single one of them, as you not only can't do it all, but you won't.

You know, you could take that job and just come home at weekends.....

Christ alive ignore all the yo!yo! sista burn dat box throw it or him to kerb
really this about setting boundaries,clear consistent parenting,communication
he needs go back you up and not be so disrespectful

By all means give it your best shot. My concern is that he is a dyed in the wool misogynist at heart and does not really want to change.

drag the detritus of your marriage across mn
someone will say leave 'im.it's inevitable
you don't need mn intervention you two need a serious real life heart to heart

jux dont joke, it would be my dream to take it.
Do real wives bugger off all week and just return at weekends for the same wage theyd get at home?

if you'd rather be somewhere else it's symptomatic of malaise
in which case you have bigger problems than him being a caveman
what are you going to do?what gives?post on mn every time he pisses you off

The danger in working away is that if you did split, he would be seen as primary caregiver and not only could you lose custody of your dc, you could end up giving this lazy fucker maintenance. So, if you do take this job, make sure you take your kids with you!

Sorry, still don't see what you get out of your marriage.
Love? Respect? Real support? Shared goals? Shared values?

you need some time to figure this out
online strangers can't tell you state of your marriage
but you already know answer.so what you going to do about it?that's the rub

karma i know its not doo-able.
I woudnt really want to be away from any of them for any length of time (i would at the moment but only if i was holed up in some swanky hotel being waited on )
Actally just remembered i am away this coming weekend in big swanky hotel wirh my bff . Dh is being left with the dcs

Am writing up my lists tonight to stick up in the kitchen

Oh, good luck with it, mosschops.

As it happens I do know a couple of women who do work away, but their children are teenagers and their dhs are not like yours seems to be. You do have to take into account how strong your marriage is and whether it can bear the separation well, and how old the children are.

Oh, forgot - both sets of children are at boarding school - makes a massive difference.

Well another row today
He said from now on he's going to do nothing (I sniggered), apparently I'd be amazed at all he does that goes unnoticed and will be sorry when he's doing nothing!

He's now taken to saying 'is it on the list'!
I said I'm taking your card for the shopping - is it on the list.
I said will you make gravy tonight - is it on the list

I'd say to him

You know what, hats a great idea. You do nothing for a week and we will see what state we are in.

Then next week I will do nothing and we will see how we end up.

He's a bullying arsehole, isn't he? Do you still love him when he treats you like this, like a second-class citizen?

mosschops - he has no right to treat you like this. Would he dare be like that with his boss? No, I didnt think so and I guess you are more important to him than his boss and he loves you more than his boss. Think about it.

Gosh he is behaving like a spoilt brat isn't he. Don't rise to it and don't step in and cover for him. See how he reacts when he can't find any clean pants and his work clothes are in an unwashed crumpled heap.

I know that no matter how hard it gets he will not say 'sorry I was wrong'. I think he'd rather die than say that.
No I don't like him much right now, I even said today look if you're not going to give this a go and share some responsibility then what's the point, he replied 'you know where the door is'.
Which is a favourite line of his.
Hmm shall I walk out on my own house that I've paid into, and leave my children in the process - er no thanks YOU KNOW WHERE THE FUCKING DOOR IS

He's being a proper twat. Sorry mosschops

All I can say is don't give in for a quiet life - I think it might be make or break time now. He either meets you halfway and tries to make this relationship work, or he doesn't and it will be very clear where the future lies.

.

You deserve so much more.

Do not accept him being a fucking prick for another day. Please.

Your response in capitals is the message you should convey to him. This is not up for negotiation, he isn't getting a free ride anymore at your expense. If he doesn't like it he can push off. All you are asking for is a fair divvying up of the chores, he has got very comfortable not pulling his weight and is trying to frustrate the changes because he is the one that currently has the cushy number not you. Do not waiver and do not step in and take over. If necessary work around his idiotic behaviour e.g. if he won't clear up after a meal next time wash up just what you need for you and the children. If he asks where his food is say there wasn't a clean plate for you as you haven't cleared up, if you clear stuff up I will happily dish you up some food on the plate you have washed, then ignore any footstamping.

Just got home, he has emptied both bins and the dishwasher things are looking up

Result - don't waiver and don't make a big deal about him doing it. He is not doing you a favour he is doing his fair share.

Have you asked him directly 'so do you think that you do a fair share of the household duties then?' or 'do you think that I do less than you do?' because I have found that a question like that usually gets a response of 'well I do know that you do more' which is a good way to lead into 'then can you see why I am so pissed off about it then?'.

He's just being a male, he can't be anything else. Mind you, my sister went back to work when her 2 boys were 7&9, her dh took redundancy and became a stay at home dad, while my sister went back to work full-time. He did everything, including the alterations on the house and playing football with the ds in school hols, which my sister did not/could not do. She was well chuffed until she retired, and complained he did not touch the hoover afterwards and expected her to do it. And rightly so, I thought !!!!
Well done for getting round him, though, my sister did nothing