To feel really very hurt by my SIL.

[Diddydollydo]

My brother and his wife have just had their first baby (yay!), a beautiful little girl. I wanted to get them something special, or what I thought was special, so I started making a basket up for them a few months ago, adding to it when I could afford to.

I put in bodysuits, babygrows, a music box, teething ring, a couple of little dresses, little soft toys, practical stuff like nappies, wipes, muslins etc. I also made some wee trinkets for DN for when she is older (I make silver jewellery). I decorated the basket with ribbons and balloons and took it round on Saturday and DB and SIL seemed very happy with it. DB rang me when I got home to say thanks again.

Today at work, DB rang and asked me to drop by on my way home from work and pick something up that I'd left there. So he opens the door and we're chatting in the hall. SIL was in the living room and clearly didn't hear me come in as I hear her say 'Yeah, Diddy was here on Saturday. Yes a basket of crap then laughs. DB was mortified and started to walk into the living room but I stopped him, said it didn't matter and left. She's just had a baby and I didn't want them fighting.

However, now I feel really hurt. I put so much thought into the basket and I know that perhaps it wasn't a fancy present but I thought she, in particular, would appreciate it. And most of all, I thought she was my friend. Am I being a twattish sensitive idiot?

Cheeky cow! What a shitty 'apology'. I would be tempted to ring her up and tell her to stick the basket where the sun don't shine, but in the interests of family relations I guess you can't ...

Seriously,you've learned a valuable lesson here. Your SIL is a grasping and ignorant woman who doesn't even have the grace to apologise properly. I would consult your DB on gifts for your DN in future, and amuse yourself by getting SIL the crappiest, tackiest things you can find for her birthday and Christmas.

I like kdiddy's idea, but I wouldn't get the SIL anything. I doubt she'd have the nerve to say anything and if she did, I wouldn't hold back!

"Yes let's move on. Actually quite glad I know where I stand now."

Even something beautiful from Per Una Speziale?!!!! Yes, like folkgirl says you could just pointedly buy her nothing. Spend what you would have spent on her on your niece.

How about a goat from Oxfam for SIL's christmas present? At least it would do some good!

That was such a thoughtful gift, lets see how fond she is of designer stuff when she is trying to scrub baby sick of it or worse.

I suggest the following toy options
Cheap plastic recorders or trumpets - tuneless torture

Any cheap keyboard - invariably tuned to the most irritating pitch known to man and with two volume levels Loud and Earsplitting.

Non washable pens - for all your toddlers wall decorating needs

A DVD of Dora/Thomas/Fireman Sam etc which will be watched so many times parents end up learning all the words.

A collection of plastic animals or dinosaurs - perfect for stepping on in the early hours of the morning

That is an outrageous attempt at an apology. OK, no misconceptions, no excuses, she's just a total bitch.

Seriously, kind thoughtful people like you deserve better than this.

I'd reply saying that actually you don't much feel like moving on because you're not used to such rudeness and you're very hurt.

By accepting that 'apology' you're letting her off with really dreadful unkindness. For your own sake in the longer term stand up for yourself.

Actually kdiddy, I think your Per Una Speziale might just top nothing.

You can all insist she gets changed and does a 'fashion show' on Christmas day

She should become a politician, master of the understatement!

The Entertainer toy shop does an amazing music kit for £10, contains drum, cymbal, horn, shakers etc. Sounds perfect

Ha. Cheeky mare.

"I think you're an ungrateful moose but let's move on now shall we? :-)"

I am staggered that anyone could think that constitutes an apology, what an cow. I would ignore the text but for the sake of family be coolly polite to her from now on - your poor brother!

No need to reply to the text. Your opinion of her has probably changed, but it isn't worth making an issue of. Shame though, and I hope it doesn't spoil your pleasure in your dn.

ooh I would be evil and make her sweat

That's not an apology! Bloody cheek!

I am STAGGERED by that text. What a cow.

I wouldn't reply. And I wouldn't be friends with her any more either - just polite. But I am a champion grudge holder!

And who was she on the phone TO?

I don't think you should just accept her telling you to forget it.

at the text!

Your gift sounds absolutely wonderful, but then again i love practical stuff BUT not everyone does. Perhaps she is the type that instead of you putting time, effort and love into something for your neice, she would have preferred a designer pair of baby socks for example. there are many people like that.

I remember when I had my ds I got quite a few pieces of jewellery for him as presents which went to the charity shop but hey some people are into that tat. I would have much preferred something practical, or hand me down baby gros etc.

You now know you have to be on your guard with your SIL, and not to ever go down the loving, time consuming present route again. Something blingy, tacky will be more up her street by the sounds of it.

I would be even more annoyed by her attempt of an apology than the original offensive comment.

The key is to find a very noisy toy that doesn't have an off button. When ds1 was little he had a rocking snail shape sorter, the slightest thing set it off and it was very loud with no off switch
Ds1 loved it, I didn't. Get Dn something like that and say nothing about it

That text is dismissive and designed to belittle what she has done and make you feel bad if you don't accept her so called apology. She is a bitch I honestly can't believe such insensitive people exist.

Oh and when she's older stickle bricks and Lego, they never clear them up properly and they really hurt when you stand on them

I suspect you'll probably either say yes or say nothing, OP, because you're clearly a lovely person who is worth ten of your SIL and you care about your brother, but if it were me I wouldn't be able to leave it, moral high ground or not.

I'd be texting something like "Fair's fair, we've now both received something from the other that we think is crap - you got my present, and I got this excuse for an apology."