To feel really very hurt by my SIL.

[Diddydollydo]

My brother and his wife have just had their first baby (yay!), a beautiful little girl. I wanted to get them something special, or what I thought was special, so I started making a basket up for them a few months ago, adding to it when I could afford to.

I put in bodysuits, babygrows, a music box, teething ring, a couple of little dresses, little soft toys, practical stuff like nappies, wipes, muslins etc. I also made some wee trinkets for DN for when she is older (I make silver jewellery). I decorated the basket with ribbons and balloons and took it round on Saturday and DB and SIL seemed very happy with it. DB rang me when I got home to say thanks again.

Today at work, DB rang and asked me to drop by on my way home from work and pick something up that I'd left there. So he opens the door and we're chatting in the hall. SIL was in the living room and clearly didn't hear me come in as I hear her say 'Yeah, Diddy was here on Saturday. Yes a basket of crap then laughs. DB was mortified and started to walk into the living room but I stopped him, said it didn't matter and left. She's just had a baby and I didn't want them fighting.

However, now I feel really hurt. I put so much thought into the basket and I know that perhaps it wasn't a fancy present but I thought she, in particular, would appreciate it. And most of all, I thought she was my friend. Am I being a twattish sensitive idiot?

Woah! That text didn't do it for me. Not quite the apology I would have hoped for.

That text adds insult to injury OP. It really isn't good enough.

Sooo.

Does she mean she's sorry she said it or sorry that you overheard her say it ?

Clarification required I think and I'd speak to your brother privately about her and this possible apology. To me, it's not an apology and clearly she's sent it because your brother has spoken to her about what you overhead.

Ask your brother to return the gift as it is "a basket of crap" and you really don't want to be responsible for cluttering their house up with crap. You wish to give it to charity instead.

HOWEVER, she is newly post-natal and we don't want to be hounding her into PND if she really is sorry. They're are probably still on a high and true sleep deprivation hasn't kicked in yet.

Wow.

Sorry you are hurt. I agree about letting your SIL sweat. Then move on at your own pace. You've just had a new niece (as have I) so don't let anything spoil that. Put your SIL in a box in your brain, labelled with "Not the friend I thought she was" and leave her there.

A friend of mine did a having a baby survival kit when I was pg. It was in what became the memory box. There was muslins, bum cream, toy, photo album, notebook and pen for hospital ...I can't remember everything, but remember how chuffed I was. I was so chuffed I did one for the next friend of mine who got pg.

Another one who is is totally at that text!! Cheeky cow!!

Have you spoken to your DB?

I think CalamityKate "Yes let's move on. Actually quite glad I know where I stand now." is a good reply. I would have to reply with something in that ilke.

She is horrible. I feel for your dn and db.

Diddy you sound like a LOVELY person. I was furious that she said such a nasty thing. Then the text floored me. The 'let's move on shall we?' is an attempt to pre-emptively belittle any reaction from you. It also suggests that she is in control of the situation: she isn't. This is your call. I think you should not respond at all. She can't belittle your silence and it'll annoy the hell out of her that you haven't jumped to agree with her. I'm so for you Diddy. She needs to come to you with a real apology.

BTW, the toy that drove me completely insane when DD was younger was her V-Tech baby walker. They've changed the design a little, but I'd bet on it being equally as annoying as the old version!

'Hello puppy calling do you want to play with me,
Let's have fun together while we learn our ABC'

AAAAAARGH!!!!

This was a close second...

I am thinking of making another basket up for her.

Contents:

Fucking annoying pull along duck thing.
Tickle me Elmo.
Elephant thingy that my DD had that made me want to stab my own ears.
Musical books
Musical instruments of any sort, louder the better.
Click clack caterpillar.
and glitter. I will sprinkle the whole lot in lots of lovely glitter.

I'm not a grudge holder at all, more's the pity, but I'm pissed off now because I think she's made it worse. My DB has sent me two texts this morning and he sounds mortified. I don't think I'll respond to the text because I don't really know how to but I want to keep my relationship with my DB and my new niece especially. I'm just sad that she seems to think so little of me that she couldn't even just say 'look, I was a cow and I'm sorry'. I would have accepted that.

Scrambled I see we both have something that makes us want to stab our ears!

YYY! To the glitter, put confetti stuff in the cards you give her. I hate when people do that, you innocently open your card and all this confetti flies everywhere you end up coming across it for weeks after

Your poor DB sounds as if he is horrified and knows how badly his wife has behaved - not an easy situation for either of you. Discretion is the better part of valour in this one, I think, so...

Ignore SIL text, focus on DB and lovely DN: she doesn't have to be your soulmate (thank the Lord) she's your SIL. I think you know she's not a friend.

Reply later to DB text saying something non-commital like thanks and asking how DN is.

Argh, plays doh is my nemesis

Start saving for junior drum kit, too.

Don't forget to put in one of those squeaky saxophones that have a knob, you move up and down to increase the intensity of high pitch squeals.

What a bitch! I wouldn't accept that apology either. I would also point out that its a crappy excuse of an apology to your brother.

Or what calamity suggested.

Think the friendship is over!

I have a relative who delights in buying my DC messy and noisy toys and I haven't even done anything to annoy her Definitely make a list of stuff to get on future birthdays - Play Doh, a tambourine, a kazoo and a pot of fart putty.

May I suggest the junior vet dog that gets a sore paw, sore ear... and howls and whimpers at random till you firmly bandage the poorly bit. Ours used to go off at random in the middle of the night.

To begin with, I thought that the overheard conversation was insulting. I'm pleased that you were able to gather yourself together and just leave their house coolly. Well done there.

Secondly, the apology you received was not really an apology. As another poster asked, was she apologising for saying what she did (and her thoughts about your gift) or the fact that you overheard?

I would not reply to her text. Just leave that where it is and ignore it. Stay good friends with your DB and DN. Continue to give gifts as if nothing ever happened but it will always be in your mind when you see your SIL. When it comes to finding a gift for her, don't ask your DB what she'd like, just get something that you spot somewhere I was given an electric kettle once shaped like a cow and it lowed when it boiled.

You need to keep up a decent relationship for your DB's and DN's benefit. One day from the sound of it, they will not be together any longer.

There are about 10 zhu zhu hamsters currently squeaking any scurrying around the living room just now even though DD hasn't touched them for about an hour, they have a mind of their own. They are irritating beyond words so I think I should keep them for DN for when she is a little older don't you?

Walk round your local area with a basked and poop scoop

Fill said basket with proper crap

Decorate with balloons and ribbons

Joking

Diddy she sounds shallow, smug, self-absorbed and really quite horrible.

Her take on your lovely gift is unbelievable, and the text makes it worse.

But you are too nice to waste energy plotting revenge, it'll make you feel bad.

I think I would reply to my brother's text saying you feel quite hurt and lots of love to the baby. But not reply to SIL. I mean really, what is there to say to such a rude text?

As to where next, give yourself time and see how you feel in a couple of days. I'm sure your SIL is anxious to "move on" but she will have to wait until you feel ready.

Diddy I bet that elephant thing was a gift, wasn't it?! I always bought DD nice, quiet wooden toys from IKEA and my parents/IL's bought her those horrific sensory assault plastic toys. Guess which ones DD preferred