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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really very hurt by my SIL.

434 replies

Diddydollydo · 01/10/2012 21:28

My brother and his wife have just had their first baby (yay!), a beautiful little girl. I wanted to get them something special, or what I thought was special, so I started making a basket up for them a few months ago, adding to it when I could afford to.

I put in bodysuits, babygrows, a music box, teething ring, a couple of little dresses, little soft toys, practical stuff like nappies, wipes, muslins etc. I also made some wee trinkets for DN for when she is older (I make silver jewellery). I decorated the basket with ribbons and balloons and took it round on Saturday and DB and SIL seemed very happy with it. DB rang me when I got home to say thanks again.

Today at work, DB rang and asked me to drop by on my way home from work and pick something up that I'd left there. So he opens the door and we're chatting in the hall. SIL was in the living room and clearly didn't hear me come in as I hear her say 'Yeah, Diddy was here on Saturday. Yes a basket of crap then laughs. Sad DB was mortified and started to walk into the living room but I stopped him, said it didn't matter and left. She's just had a baby and I didn't want them fighting.

However, now I feel really hurt. I put so much thought into the basket and I know that perhaps it wasn't a fancy present but I thought she, in particular, would appreciate it. And most of all, I thought she was my friend. Am I being a twattish sensitive idiot?

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 02/10/2012 08:13

My children had a 'crazy frog' toy. When you pressed it, it went

If it hadn't met with an unfortunate accident involving a hammer and a waste disposal unit, I would have posted it to you...

WelshMaenad · 02/10/2012 08:18

I'd have lives a lovely basket if baby goodies. How sweet and thoughtful.

One of my mum's crazy friends bought dd a white Dior sleep suit, with Swarovski crystals on the front that said 'Dior'. I was baffled by it. I sold it on eBay and bought loads of sleep suits in boots.

IceCubes · 02/10/2012 08:23

I really hope she's a MN user and sees this thread! How horribly ungrateful! I think (just like everyone else) you sound like a wonderful and kind auntie. You dealt with the situation in a much more sensible way than I would have done. (I'd have stormed in there and grabbed the phone and informed the caller that it was, in fact, not a basket of crap but a very thoughtful gift!)

Buy the kid a drum kit... A personalised one so she can't even sell it on eBay! Grin

Pourquoimoi · 02/10/2012 08:25

YANBU to be upset at all. I'd be really hurt. She is being totally ungrateful but not only that she's sneering about it - that is plain nasty.
I do hope your DB had serious words with her and that she acknowledges what she's done.

MinnieBar · 02/10/2012 08:31

Anything by VTech (is their design mantra 'As blardy annoying as possible?') but also make sure you are there when DN opens it so they can't just shove it in the re-gift/charity pile like I do

CherryBlossom27 · 02/10/2012 08:35

Fwiw I think your present was very thoughtful and practical. I would much rather receive a basket of things like that than one designer babygrow. Hopefully your SIL will realise this and apologise.

TandB · 02/10/2012 08:35

What a cow. There really isn't any explanation that would wash. If this was some bizarre misunderstanding then she would presumably have been on the phone to apologise by now.

Can I add to the annoying toys list? Asda do some plastic Thomas the Tank Engines who have the most annoying, smug catchphrases you have ever heard. "Why don't you work hard like me?" is my particular favourite.

pigletmania · 02/10/2012 08:36

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I would have gone into the living room, and asked for my basket of crap back to give to my friends dd who will love it. The fact is that everybody on this tread would love that basket, speaks volumes of your SIL, Mabey she is not the person you thought she was

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 02/10/2012 08:39

I think it sounds like a fantastic present. I would have loved that if you'd made that for me! So thoughtful.

This is why i get annoyed with label addicted twats, they see only worth and gratitude where there are lots of £££££ and a name. Bloody idiots. They're like high maintenance sheep.

pigletmania · 02/10/2012 08:40

Oooh buy the amigo bear fir her, dd was given it on her Birthday when she was 1, 5 years later the battery is still going strong. It comes out with the mst annoying catchphrases, in a robotic American accent. It's part of the care bear family. It goes on at night sometimes and scared the hello ut of me. I cannot think what I dd to my SIL to deserve this. She also bought dd play doh too

Floggingmolly · 02/10/2012 08:44

The majority of posters are suggesting that you should raise it with her when you've had time to calm down. No, why should you?
Maintain a dignified silence - your brother should have the decency to insist she raises it with you.

pigletmania · 02/10/2012 08:44

I like labels occasionally, my weakness is designer handbags, but noway would I behave like your horrid SIL

OrangeFireandGoldashes · 02/10/2012 08:54

I think as Christmas approaches, I'd be tempted to say "is there anything in particular DN needs? I'd hate to go to a lot of trouble and effort and end up getting it completely wrong, like I did with her birth gifts."

And then watch her squirm...

Frontpaw · 02/10/2012 09:02

I haven't time to read whole thing but did SIL know that diddy overheard?

I'd leave her to stew too. It was a lovely thought, and theres no excuse for rudeness - even if it was a plastic bag of Asda own brand wiped and nappy bags!

AgathaFusty · 02/10/2012 09:06

I agree with other posters - don't say anything, why should you be made to feel uncomfortable just because she has bad manners. If she raises it with you, I would acknowldge briefly that you were hurt by it, but say as little as possible.

If the subject of Christmas presents is raised by her, I think OrangeFire has a good approach.

gwenniebee · 02/10/2012 09:09

Ooh - I'd have loved a present like that. Actually, come to think of it, I did get one... it wasn't in a basket but it was lovely and so thoughtful. Don't let it put you off doing something like that again for someone else - I can't believe many people would say no!

TroublesomeEx · 02/10/2012 09:09

I agree with Flogging I'd say nothing.

IME people like that don't back down and apologise when confronted. There will be no humility. She'll just go on the defensive and up the ante.

CatsRule · 02/10/2012 09:13

Yanbu...that was a thoughtful gift.

My sil made up a basket of things for us plus some nice bath things for me...it was great.

Unfortunately she spoiled it herself by reminding us several times that she'd been "good to us" whenever she didn't get her own way with things...things like us not letting our newborn stay at her smokey house overnight when he also had reflux and feeding issues!!

It was a shame she tried to used it as a bargaining tool as the gift itself was lovely!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/10/2012 09:16

Am I being a twattish sensitive idiot? - NO - that's her job description!!

How hurtful, what a bitch!! When you have a new baby it doesnt mean you leave your manners with the placenta!!

I really hope she is a mumnsetter and can read what a twat we all think she is.

YANBU and sound lovely, your basket sounds fab :)

butterflyroom · 02/10/2012 09:19

Aww - wish you were my SIL. She should be ashamed of herself shallow ungrateful bint

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 02/10/2012 09:21

Wow. I'd probably have stabbed her in the arm with a hatpin.

I would maintain a dignified silence and never, ever buy a gift again unless it has whistles, bells or flashing lights. Basically something a child would love but which would make a parent bonkers.

Original poster
Diddydollydo · 02/10/2012 09:51

Well I had a text from her this morning saying 'xxxx (DB) says you overheard me when I was on the phone last night. Sorry about that, let's move on shall we.' and a smiley face.

I'm guessing that's the best I'll get!Grin

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 02/10/2012 09:53
Shock

There are no words.

storminabuttercup · 02/10/2012 09:55

What???

You need a good reply to that! How dismissive!!

Your present sounded wonderful!

TroublesomeEx · 02/10/2012 09:56

That is some cheek.

Obviously it's up to you what you do. I would take the line from now on that she is your niece's mother and your husband's wife and on that level I would be polite and civil to her, but any sense of us being friend's is over.

What she said in the first instance was rude and ungrateful, her apology was glib and dismissive.

She doesn't sound like a huge loss as a friend, but she is still a member of your family and that is tough.

There'd be no more presents from me though - certainly not to the SIL. It wouldn't be fair to punish the child.