To feel really very hurt by my SIL.

[Diddydollydo]

My brother and his wife have just had their first baby (yay!), a beautiful little girl. I wanted to get them something special, or what I thought was special, so I started making a basket up for them a few months ago, adding to it when I could afford to.

I put in bodysuits, babygrows, a music box, teething ring, a couple of little dresses, little soft toys, practical stuff like nappies, wipes, muslins etc. I also made some wee trinkets for DN for when she is older (I make silver jewellery). I decorated the basket with ribbons and balloons and took it round on Saturday and DB and SIL seemed very happy with it. DB rang me when I got home to say thanks again.

Today at work, DB rang and asked me to drop by on my way home from work and pick something up that I'd left there. So he opens the door and we're chatting in the hall. SIL was in the living room and clearly didn't hear me come in as I hear her say 'Yeah, Diddy was here on Saturday. Yes a basket of crap then laughs. DB was mortified and started to walk into the living room but I stopped him, said it didn't matter and left. She's just had a baby and I didn't want them fighting.

However, now I feel really hurt. I put so much thought into the basket and I know that perhaps it wasn't a fancy present but I thought she, in particular, would appreciate it. And most of all, I thought she was my friend. Am I being a twattish sensitive idiot?

Bloody hell, what an awful "apology".

Nah - i think she's just a spoilt shallow woman Balloon. With no manners. She didn't even have the decency to ring her to apologise.

Do not reply to her texts. By all means get the baby some lovely Christmas gift but never buy for her again. I would be icily polite.

what a cow,i would have loved something like that when i had my kids!

Remember that the SIL has form for ignoring things, people! I'd probably say nothing, then in a month or so "innocently" ask (in front of DB) if any of the "crap" came in handy.

The best response would be to rise about it this time and keep it in mind for future gifts maybe at Chrsitmas £5 gift cert for her at some designer store with "sorry, that's all I can afford luv!" with something special and handmade for DN & DB"

Nice try Balloon (are you Pollyanna?) but I think anyone normal's reaction to "ooh this is lovely but I haven't got time to put it all away" is probably going to be "sod it. I'll leave it in a pile here." Not slag off the contents. They don't require anything to be done by the sound of it (not like flowers - with you on the inconvenient timing of flowers thing.)

Balloon I think the 'apology' confirms her status as rude, ungrateful and unpleasant. Any possible explanations seem implausible after that. Anyone who was truly remorseful would have expressed it with a little sincerity I'm sure.

No, no room to be charitable here.

I'm now feeling sorry for the OP's brother (what a catch she is!) and mostly her DN who is going to be brought up by this poisonous woman.

That's an awful thing to say about such a lovely gift.

A friend did that for me when I had my eldest and I loved it. Such a lot of thought had gone into it and it was lovely to get practical things that we could use

I'd ignore her 'apology' to be honest, it's not worth a reply

I don't think you can avoid replying because she'll take that as her making the first move and you refusing to reciprocate. You sound so in love with your niece and I wouldn't give SIL any ammunition to try and minimise your relationship with her. Just in case.

I'd want to write, "I'm glad you apologised for your unkind comment. That has reassured me a bit. Looking forward to seeing my gorgeous niece again." and worry that it was too passive aggressive. I'd probably spend about a day running possible replies past dh, who for all his borderline asperger tendencies is pretty good at evaluating the possible repercussions of other people's comments!

Just scrawled through for the text details on my god that's not an apology at all and yes makes it worse your db must be mortified!!

scrambled I bought that baby walker on Sunday and can confirm that indeed that puppy is still calling and wanting to play.....I get the feeling I will also be near mad with it by next weekend

Send her a link to this thread

She sounds delightful I must say and agree the 'apology' is woeful. I got a similar gift from my best friend when. I had ds and it was fantastic.

I wouldn't even go noisy with gifts in future. I would bestow the largest, cutest, dust gathering and space sucking soft toy I could possibly find. You know, the kind that make kids pass out with excitement on first sight but are essentially useless to play with and need their own living quarters!

You sound lovely - please can you make me a basket even though I have no plans to have any more babies .

Omg what a cowbag sending a text like that, sorry she sounds awful. I would text her back saying you will come back at x time to collect the basket of crap to give to friend who would love it

I wouldn't grace that 'apology' with any kind of reply or response.

What a cow! You need to start giving her a hamper full of practical things every year now. For sil's birthday, fill a hamper full of deoderants and cleansing products one year, and then something she hates the next year. Keep up the hamper theme to piss off the bitch.

I would make sure your brother knows the nature of the apology no matter what else you do, as she's probably made out to him that she's sent a proper one.

You must never give her useful presents ever again.

Just garish plastic shite that the dd will love.

I think ignore it. It's not an apology is it? Just an acknowledgement.

Yes fuck I would also tell your brother

What sort of present did she expect? Didn't you buy what people normally buy for a new baby... baby clothes, soft toys etc.

Did she expect designer goods from you or money? Someting for herself?

Her reaction to your present sounds rude obviously... but strange... as you can see, most of us here would be very happy with a basket full of baby goods, what new mother wouldn't be?

Your DN will always appreciate anything you buy for her, most kids are absolutely clueless about designer gear and luck would have it that more often than no they prefer the stuff which costs little or nothing (looks at my own DCs collection of treasured McDs and kinder egg toys!).

Obviously, your gift is of value but if your DSil thinks babies care about designer goods, she will soon learn.

Balloon No vase needed!

Is she very spoiled, she sounds it.

I would not respond at all, treat her with cool indifference from now on. You have learned your lesson.

What a complete cow, she will make a fool of herself over and over again. Don't even bother trying to show her the error of her ways, let her dig her own holes for herself.

Buy niece a dog in future !!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahaaaaaaa

Oh my poor wee brother. He has just phoned to see if I am alright, he really is a diamond and is mortified, though I did explain that he hasn't done anything wrong. I don't want them to fall out about it, they've just had a baby so it would be really crap of me to cause a huge issue about this. I will, however, be making my gifts to her spectacularly crap in the future! I am still sad about the friendship thing though.

It was a lovely, really thoughtful gift.

You have done nothing wrong, she's been rude and how has now compounded it with that text. You certainly have every right to hold onto the feelings of hurt and 'hard doneness', but you'll be much happier if you can be the bigger person, forgive her and accept her crappy apology.