To wonder - is it normal to feed you children cheaper food than you eat yourself?

[Mrsbiggs]

We (OH, me and 5 of our various children) had corn on the cob with dinner last night. DS (15) and DD (13) said "we aren't allowed to have this at dads - its "adult food"".

I was a bit and asked them what they meant. Apparently their dads OH (they have been together 4 yrs I have never met her but she has caused many many issues, and destroyed a once amicable and friendly divorce) - buys economy food for the children ( she has 2 DC of her own) and finest food for her and the kids dad. They have Heinz beans and the kids have value range, at BBQ's the kids are only allowed a burger or a sausage, not kebabs or chops etc and they aren't allowed pudding (and have to watch the "adults") eat theirs, and they are not allowed to talk at the dinner table . The adults have chops etc while the DC have pasta bake.

Am I right in thinking this is appalling, and bordering on abusive or do other people do this?

Worra - its not a case of being "entitled" (we can afford prawns and steak for us all if we want)- its a way to get protein into a child with special needs who eats less than a mouse!
Equally if I said he quite often happily eats a slice of bread with no butter/spread/topping and only drinks water I would probably be in the wrong for neglecting him

My ds have better food than us. We haven't much money and i spend it on them. They have meat and we have vegetarian.

I'm astonished that so many people on this thread DON'T consider this abuse and don't even think it's that big a deal. I do think it is frankly abusive to treat anyone in the household as second class citizens by withholding the best food, privileges etc from them, whether they are family, step family, paying guests, fosters or just visitors. If your children were living full time in that environment it would be seriously eroding their self esteem. Thankfully, they have you and a healthy perspective on it.

referring to the thread title, it was normal when i was growing up in the sixties. butmy mum didn't do it, and looked down on people who did, except when she cooked steak in cream and mushrooms, which was 'too good for children'!

lovebunny did you ever hear the pearls before swine one as well?

Yes yes, my DH's mum and stepfather did this, it even had a name, "Management Food", as in "you can't have that, It's Management only".

Management butter, management cheese, management juice , you get the drift
.
They joke about it now, but are all still very bitter and all choose Management Food when shopping for themselves.

Very sad.

They still try it now with wine, but are as tight as ducks bums watertight and rarely buy it , so we buy the good stuff when we go round and drink it before they get a sniff.

That's ridiculous. I understand there's some types of food that are more for adults and not children, but getting cheaper brands for the kids and feeding them crap is not right at all!

Yy, I can understand curry for parents and beans on toast for toddlers, but can't understand 'posh' beans for a grownup while kids eat cheap.

Is it because I can't stand baked beans?

That's disgusting, we all eat the same here! Poor kids, what sort of message does that give them?! Terrible

Do you also give the child equality on clothes - or does the child get cheap and the adults "designer"? Bedrooms - or does the child get the small one? Haircuts - or does the child get a cheap one? Choice - or do the adults choose the meals? Going out - Do you all go to the pub or just the adults, do you never leave them home while you go out to dinner?

So many things are differentiated, why should food be different?

On Fridays you should invite them in and then serve something, say tea, value in ordinary mugs to them and organic stuff in nice mugs for you and the children.

The kids said they are only allowed bruised fruit too and there is "adult" fruit .

Fred,

DS got a slightly smaller room because he was 1 person, vs the two of us with the king size bed.

DS gets cheaper clothes, usually, because they last one season. But overall I probably spend more on his wardrobe.

He doesn't go out at night because he needs to sleep.

He doesn't drink wine because his body would be much more damaged than an adults.
He probably gets more tv and computer time.

Has less chores at home and is driven everywhere.
He gets the same food, unless he doesn't like it.

My children are better dressed than me, lol!

They insist on going to the same hairdresser as me, even my boys. I would much rather they went to the same barber as their Dad. Would be much cheaper.

If we are going out for dinner then the DC get to chose what's for tea. They always ask for Aldi pizza

We are building a new bedroom. I would quite like to sleep in it. But DS2 is getting it. (DC will swap around. All will have new rooms, newly decorated). I will have the same old bedroom, same old crappy bed and will lust after new wardrobes while my DC show off their nice new rooms to their friends. My room is the biggest, but I share with DH, and we have to fit a double bed in.

Ds has the same as us so long as he likes it, I did once have raised eyebrows when I asked for the small end of Fillet for DS but usually the butcher at our farm shop liked the fact DS loved his steak.

Many years ago I did know a couple that bought there food from a mobile freezer man and they had chops while the kids had sausages

I don't buy cheaper stuff specifically for the kids but if we're having steak my youngest and eldest will generally have something else but dd (11) loves steak and will eat the same as us (she'll happily Hoover down rare steak and appreciates it). If they'll eat it, they have the same as us. At bbqs they usually have sausage and burger but chops and kebabs are on offer to them if they want it. There's no adult/child food here, just food.

I remember when I was growing up things were really tight in our family and my parents barely managed from week to week. However, the rule was that the children ate first, then my parents. I can vividly remember my mother having potatoes with gravy over it, along with some vegetables. We would ask why she wasn't eating meat along with us and she told us that she preferred just the potatoes and gravy. Of course it was because those were the days when there wasn't enough to go around. My father ate like a bird, and always had bread with his meals. Again probably to bulk it out.

I think because of this I have always, and always will, make sure that children are fed well and are given priority, not the other way around.

Luckily enough I'm not in a position that I have to choose who eats what, but I know that I could not eat good food while giving the children a lesser meal. (Unless that was their preference of course).

I have a friend who does this with her own son. Everything is Asda basic range and she cooks separately for him whilst her and her dh eat more expensive food.

I've always felt that it was abusive and couldn't imagine feeding my dc nothing but poor quality food. But, she sees no wrong and her argument is that her ds wouldn't know the difference between a basics beef-burger to a better quality one.

I'm from a large family and honestly don't understand how my mother made ends meet sometimes but there was always plenty to eat for us children. There were lots of stews and thick soups and I think my mum would have rather gone without than not give us he best bits. Completely throws me that people treat their children this way. I am grateful that with my two I don't have to decide who gets to eat. And it has never occurred to me to give them different food (as in quality) to what dh and I eat. I also couldn't be arsed to cook twice!

I don't think it right at all to do this, but unfortunately I don't think it is that uncommon. I too have a friend who gives the children frozen breaded 'kids' food with value beans etc, then will cook a quality meal with fresh ingredients after children are in bed and OH get home.

Again, she says the kids won't like the roast, steak, pasta and that it saves money.

The kids said they are only allowed bruised fruit too and there is "adult" fruit

That is just so sad those poor kids, It is humilating them sounds like My friends husband , used to buy cheap yogharts for them and have nicer ones for him, It wasn't as if they were little children who would waste they are in their teens well 1 is 20 , It is degrading and just mean

This isn't a question of differentiating. Of course there are good reasons for buying cheaper clothes for children - they grow out of them fast! Of course you're not going to spend a fortune on a haircut for a 2 year old - it needs to be functional, and they won't know the difference! Of course it is normal to give small children different food if they don't like the food you cook for yourself!

But to systematically exclude teenagers from eating adults' food is malicious. What possible justification could there be? Are they less in need of nutritious, quality food? Are they less worth the money? Furthermore, they are perfectly well aware of what is going on, so it can only have a negative impact on their view of family life.

I agree with Mrsjay. It is utterly degrading.

Gosh op! She sounds truly awful! I can't believe your ex allows that's to happen! She seriously gives step parents a bad name.

I really do believe it is abusive and emotionally damaging.

What. A. Cunt.

I agree with yika it isn't about the food well it is but it is keeping children in their place it is awful