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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that baby showers are just awful 'parties'

144 replies

BenandBolly · 30/09/2012 08:46

Are they not just present grabbing twee occasions?

And if they are are about celebrating an baby why are men not invited?

I just don't understand why women have them?

Do people actually enjoy them?

OP posts:
comedycentral · 30/09/2012 08:49

Some people find them enjoyable.

Some people think of them as a tradition.

Some people think they are awful.

Does it matter either way? Life would be terribly dull if we all thought, felt and acted the same way.

Original poster
BenandBolly · 30/09/2012 08:51

Are they really tradition though?

OP posts:
comedycentral · 30/09/2012 08:57

They are to some people, it depends where you come from I guess. I went to one recently actually, the mum to be didn't throw it herself her Mum and close friends did it for her.

The mum to be didn't want any fuss and when asked if there was anything she needed in advance she would always brush it off and she would say that us being there was most important.

Was a great excuse for cake too.

EionMcLove · 30/09/2012 08:57

I think whether they are awful are not depends on whether you actually like the person and genuinely enjoy spending time with them and wish them well. Its a curious phenomena on mn that people are slated for having parties of all kinds. There was a thread yesterday where people were saying how awful it was to have a meal to celebrate an adults birthday but I'm sure I'm not the only one who enjoys a meal with friends. Ditto weddings. If you don't like someone enough to buy them a gift when they get married then you have no business going to their wedding. There are an awful lot of people who do enjoy a social occasion.

Original poster
BenandBolly · 30/09/2012 08:59

I don't understand though if it's about the birth of a child why they are never any men invited? Not even the father? Bizarre.

OP posts:
comedycentral · 30/09/2012 09:03

I don't understand that bit either tbh. But we were talking about piles, pooing yourself, weeing yourself, contractions etc etc. My DH would be so bored listening to labour stories over and over. He would end up speaking to some other guy about football in the kitchen.

All DH's are different though, only speaking about my own.

EionMcLove · 30/09/2012 09:04

Have you never had a small party and only invited your women friends? TBH I never thought about it being about the birth of a child, more about the mother seeing her friends before she is too busy to draw breath. I don't think its wildly unconventional to have male/female only events sometimes.

comedycentral · 30/09/2012 09:06

I don't understand that bit either tbh. But we were talking about piles, pooing yourself, weeing yourself, contractions etc etc. My DH would be so bored listening to labour stories over and over. He would end up speaking to some other guy about football in the kitchen.

All DH's are different though, only speaking about my own.

comedycentral · 30/09/2012 09:07

Don't know why I posted twice!

comedycentral · 30/09/2012 09:09

I agree with Eion, after I had my child I didn't see my some of my friends for ages as I would so tired. Catching up with them at my baby shower (which was arranged for me as a suprise) was lovely.

Schlock · 30/09/2012 09:12

Hardly a tradition, no-one had them when I was having babies and my youngest is only 13yrs old.

I've never been to one but I can imagine they're a bit dull.

comedycentral · 30/09/2012 09:18

But baby showers are popular in many cultures all over the world. The UK has a very diverse society and I love how we adopt the traditions of other cultures. I don't see the problem personallyn

Original poster
BenandBolly · 30/09/2012 09:19

Yes I have had gatherings with female friends.

I still find it odd that the father of the baby at least isn't invited to the celebration of his own child.

There's not a male equivalent is there?

Why is it only female's that buy presents for the child. Do people not have close male friends?

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 30/09/2012 09:20

I think they're awful tbh. Really grabby.

A female get together would be fine but to call it a shower implies to shower with gifts.

WelshMaenad · 30/09/2012 09:21

My mum threw me a baby shower for Dd. it was ace, we had men there! They did sod off to the pub for a bit but came back for the buffet.

BikeRunSki · 30/09/2012 09:21

YANBU

Original poster
BenandBolly · 30/09/2012 09:22

WelshMaenad

I think I would have gone to the pub too Grin

OP posts:
comedycentral · 30/09/2012 09:24

We threw a baby shower for our male boss at work. We had a whip round for gifts and we had a mini buffet, a quiz and games. There is nothing stopping men from having their own.

OrangeLily · 30/09/2012 09:27

One of my groups of friends does this. All the men tend to go out to the pub. But then the man then has a wetting of the head after the birth! (Which sometimes the girls then do a bit later too when the Mum is up for a bit of night out )

comedycentral · 30/09/2012 09:29

Oh yes I forgot the wetting of the head tradition, I have never been invited to one of those!

TidyGOLDDancer · 30/09/2012 09:30

'Showers' are my pet hates. I can't stand the grabby concept of them. What's wrong with just giving a token gift when the baby arrives? Instead baby showers seem engineered to get a load of baby equipment and eat cupcakes with creepy looking feet on them.

One I understand even less though is a bridal shower. Wtf is that about?

comedycentral · 30/09/2012 09:32

I have never ate a cupcake with creepy feet on.

PrimaBallerina · 30/09/2012 09:33

My friends wanted to hold one for me and I dreaded it. I managed to turn it into a meal out with just a couple of them and both grans to be. I hated the idea of everyone sitting around and playing silly games - I didn't massively enjoy my hen night for the same reason.

That said I've been to a couple of others and they've been a nice catch up with friends. The gifts don't have to be expensive - a babygro or something.

Each to their own.

TidyGOLDDancer · 30/09/2012 09:34

Okay. That's good I suppose....

cozietoesie · 30/09/2012 09:34

I would never go to one or contribute to one any more. A colleague of mine had one - and then had a stillbirth. The presents hanging around made a bad situation worse for her.

By all means go and see the mother to be - and give presents afterwards if you want when the baby arrives. But a shower beforehand? I wouldn't.

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