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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that baby showers are just awful 'parties'

144 replies

BenandBolly · 30/09/2012 08:46

Are they not just present grabbing twee occasions?

And if they are are about celebrating an baby why are men not invited?

I just don't understand why women have them?

Do people actually enjoy them?

OP posts:

TidyGOLDDancer · 30/09/2012 12:22

HoldMeCloser, have you read the thread? You can't possibly agree with everyone on it because there are different opinions.

And again, this is not a US vs UK debate.

Generally, I wish people would stop trying (whether intentionally or not, I hope not) to infuse this thread with awful accusations of racism, just because they don't like negative opinions.

MmeLindor · 30/09/2012 13:13

Good point with the paid bars - we worried for ages about this at our wedding, thinking that the German guests would be offended.

In the end, the hotel persuaded us not to have a free bar, cause people take advantage and go completely mad, ordering triple malt whiskies, cause it is 'free'. Dolts.

We explained it to our German relatives, and they were ok with it.

Original poster

BenandBolly · 30/09/2012 16:42

The thing is my OP never mentioned baby showers being American, it was someone else who called me racist for noticing!
And FWIW I also hate British stag and hen do's that involve trips away, dressing up and sexual objects.

OP posts:

YouMayLogOut · 30/09/2012 16:46

YANBU. The right time for celebrations and gifts are after the baby has safely arrived. Some people have no patience :o

ErrorError · 30/09/2012 16:50

I agree with you about tacky hen do's OP. I'm not a prude but giant inflatable willies and those sexy games (e.g. grab a random guy's undercrackers/snog a bald guy etc) are my idea of a nightmare. Would much prefer a spa day with a few close friends. I don't mind attending other people's willy infested hen do's, but wouldn't want it for my own!

This American/British debate is silly. Cultures borrow things from each other all the time and it's not a big deal. I see some have a problem with the idea of commercialism (grabby gift listers etc), which here is being mistaken for 'Americanisation', but is actually present in most Western cultures.

XiCi · 30/09/2012 17:08

I don't understand these threads at all. If you dont like someone enough to have an afternoon in their company and take a token gift for them or their forthcoming baby then dont bloody go, theyre not really a friend in that case are they?
I didnt want a shower but my friend persuaded me and Im really glad she did. Had a really lovely, mellow day with my friends. It was just a chance to relax and chat and catch up with them all before I was knee deep in nappies. There was no gift list, no stupid games etc. I tend to think these sort of baby showers are just urban myths because I have never in my life encountered a party like the nightmare ones that tend to get reported on here.
I agree with other posters that if you have been invited to a shower with 'grabby' gift lists etctetc it says more about your choice of friends than anything else

XiCi · 30/09/2012 17:11

And as for there being no men invited, I dont think it's for any 'sexist' reason. Rather that most men would rather stab themselves in the eyes than spend a day with a load of women where there is a high possibility of childbirth being discussed

Youcanringmybell · 30/09/2012 17:14

I dont think yabu..I dislike the grabby nature of them. I always give a gift when a baby is born to a friends or a wedding.

yesterday however my friend made some very obviously scathing comments about her friends NOT having organised a bridal shower for her....even though we all have given money/ organised things for her wedding gift and others helped organise a whole Hen weekend that cost a pretty penny for everyone.

YouMayLogOut · 30/09/2012 17:18

What is a "bridal shower"? I've never heard of anyone having one of those.

XiCi · 30/09/2012 17:21

Again, that says more about your friend though youcanring. I know that none of my friends would behave this way, I just dont have any friends like this. I have no time in my life for complete arseholes

NopofacehaveI · 30/09/2012 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Youcanringmybell · 30/09/2012 17:24

XICI - I should take leaf out of your book. patience is wearing thin with this friend.

XiCi · 30/09/2012 17:25

haha youcanring. Sounds like she has become one of those mythical bridezilla creatures. Maybe you should quietly remind her of how much everyone has done for her already and how ungrateful she is being!

Youcanringmybell · 30/09/2012 17:42

er...could you tell her please?? Bridezilla - yup. I could get killed if I said anything!

Mylittlepuds · 30/09/2012 17:45

I think they're a lovely way to celebrate pregnancy and have a nice get together with other women of all ages to talk about birth and pregnancy and new motherhood - something women have done from the beginning of time.

I had one before my first DS and plan to have another now I'm pregnant. The invites will insist on no presents and say that it's just a nice chance to get together before my life becomes all the more busy being a mother of two.

YABVU

YouMayLogOut · 30/09/2012 17:55

If someone wants to get together with their friends then fine. But calling it a "baby shower" implies you expect to be showered with gifts. Just ask people round for a coffee instead :)

ceeveebee · 30/09/2012 18:25

Just on my way back from baby shower that I wasn't looking forward to. Was lovely - sandwiches, cakes, fizz and best of all her sister had arranged someone to come and do facials and head massage for us all.

Original poster

BenandBolly · 30/09/2012 18:26

I think that's just it, the assumption that if one is pregnant, all our friends should enjoy talking about motherhood, birth stories and pregnancy. Some of my closest friends either can't or have chosen not to have children and, therefore, an afternoon of baby talk might not be their idea of fun.

Organising a gathering before the birth in order to catch up with friends is very different to organising a baby shower.

OP posts:

DizzySometimes · 30/09/2012 18:35

Personally, I've only ever been to one baby shower, and it was grabby (with a list for someone with two children already) with quizzes about all things to do with babies - if I'd known what it was going to be like, I wouldn't have attended, but I didn't so I went. I agree that people aren't knocking Americans (and the OP didn't mention that in her initial thread) - it's not that at all, it's just something that some people don't like, and they're entitled to their opinion, as are those who like them. Personally, I like the idea of a quiet get together without the list and quizzes!

Would like to add too - someone upthread stated that the British had made an American tradition into something that's 'grabby' and awful. Well, the only shower I'd been to was in America. I don't equate what I experienced with it being an American tradition, and not liking it for that reason - actually, what was outlined above as the reason for having a baby shower in America sounded pretty cool. The reason I didn't like it was that the person involved was wanting to collect presents; that had nothing to do with the fact she's American and everything to do with the fact that that's the kind of person she is (and part of the reason I no longer see her).

noddyholder · 30/09/2012 18:36

Naff and cringey.

Mylittlepuds · 30/09/2012 21:07

Oh lighten up. What's an hour or two of indulging some daft baby-related quizzes? It might be twee but in reality how many do you have to endure? My sister and cousin put up all the daft baby bunting and we did all the naff guessing the size of the bump games, sex of the baby, weight etc. why can't we make a bit if a fuss of a mum to be or have an excuse for one to be made of us? It doesn't have to be grabby - you could maybe say on the invite to bring along your best bit of baby advice or make something for the baby - a note for the future or something more intricate. I went to my first baby shower before I was the slightest bit interested in babies and loved listening to the stories told. Just because you don't want children it doesn't mean you can't enjoy an isolated bit of baby talk.

bellabreeze · 30/09/2012 21:15

I think its a lovely way to celebrate being pregnant and also to get some presents that the baby needs

ErrorError · 30/09/2012 21:22

I like the 'notes for the future' idea Mylittlepuds. Either mum-to-be can read them when guests have left as a nice little memory of the occasion, or can save them for when DC is older to read themselves. Might try offering that as a suggestion for the one I'm going to.

Mylittlepuds · 30/09/2012 21:34

Thanks Error - quite shocked myself as thought of it just then (I'm not usually thoughtful/sentimental). I'm going to ask people to do it for my next one.

Original poster

BenandBolly · 01/10/2012 07:24

mylittlepuds

That sort of party would make me want to run for the hills. Guess the bump size? Asking for best baby advice on an invite?
As I said many of my friends don't want or can't have kids and a few have absolutely no interest in children. Why would I ask them to endure an afternoon of talking about something they have absolutely no interest in. Just because one gets pregnant doesn't automatically mean all your friends should be that interested in the subject.

Having a get together yes but baby talk and quizzes and gift lists no way!

OP posts:

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