to think that a 3 year old girl shouldn't be in nappies

[missymarmite]

Quick background. I have 1 DS 9, we live with DP and his eldest DD 10, and we have his other two DD, 7 and 3, every weekend from thursday/friday to sunday.

The 3 year old had her birthday last month. I put my foot down and took the executive decision to try toilet training her. Every time before that, I mentioned it to DP he said it was up to his XW to sort it as the resident parent. So one day I just put her in some old knickers and let her run round outside in a dress. She got a bit upset when she wet herself, but over the next couple of weekends she began to get the hang of it. You can tell when she needs to go, because she kind of holds herself down there. At night and when we go out we put nappy pants on her and then she doesn't ask for the toilet, but in knickers she does.

DP told XW that she won't ask for the toilet when in nappy pants, but she has made no effort whatsoever to toilet train her, despite the fact that she only works part time and has every weekend child free, while both DP and I work full time and are exhausted most of the time, we still make the effort.

Am I BU to be frustrated and annoyed at this woman?

"
And back when everyone was using cloth nappies, many women were at home so had more time to devote to toilet training. "

given women would have spent perhaps 50 hours a week on the house alone, and done paid work such as sewing/washing/knitting/ lace making whenever they could for extra money, i really don't think this is true. the women of the past had really hard lives!

Dysfunctionalme - you would have had gun with my DD then, trying to train her at a year old. Considering there was a hormone she NEEDED to be able to control her body that she didn't start producing until she was 12y9mo. Until that point, that hormone had to be given to her as a melt able tablet.

All attempting to PT her at a year would have gone is distress her. It wasn't until she was over 4yo that it was discovered that her body wasn't producing that hormone.

No amount of PT could have helped that.

My DS1, on the other hand, took his own nappies off at 18mo, and has NEVER had an accident.

20mo DS3 took his nappy off today, so I left him in the front room with the potty. When he inevitably weed, he cried in distress. So he is obviously NOT emotionally ready, even if he is as near as darn it physically ready.

PT DC's in a regimental style allows for no differences in emotional stability.

Some DC's may well be ready to start what would be a very loooong drawn out process if you start at 1yo PT at 1yo. What about those that walk later? Do you still PT a non mobile 16mo?

I have spoken at length about this issue with women of ALL ages. Those that say their babies were PT by 6mo/1yo were ACTUALLY using elimination communication. Which just DOESN'T fit into modern life for most people these days. I only know of one person able to do this, and she is a FT SAHM with an Au Pair to do the school runs.

If someone is out at work, and their child with a childminder or Nursery, I can't see either of those doing elimination communication when they have other DC's to care for.

It is impossible to do elimination communication with a baby when you are doing a school run, either you end up pissed on or crapped on, or you put a nappy on them for the school run. Or you stay in and have an Au Pair to do the school runs.

However, back in RL, where the majority of us DON'T have the money to be a SAHM AND have an Au Pair, elimination communication doesn't work.

I used it with some success with my disabled DS2 when he was non verbal and non mobile, and he was dry during the day not long after 2 1/2, but HE wasn't what I would call 'PT'.

Elimination communication has its uses. But it's not a catch all in modern society, where most mothers are not SAHM's with no other time commitments like school runs to do.

My third child will be 3 in Jan. She has zero interest in potties though we have 5. She finds poo in the potty just disgusting and cries in fear of it. My second son was fully trained in two days months before this and was completely dry overnight at her age.
It has nothing to do with lazy parenting and those who find potty training fairly easy should just count themselves very lucky.

Why is it lazy? People keep saying this but with very few reasons.

Which is better for the child to force potty training and have 5 weeks of regular accidents constantly needing to remind them etc or waiting until they are ready and being dry in a matter of days?

If your child is seriously distressed at using the potty then something has gone badly wrong during potty training. Potty training is not easy no-one said that but not doing it (and persevering with it) by age 3 is lazy parenting

It's not lazy, it's just people with rigid mind-sets who don't like other people doing things differently saying that. Lazy thinking on their part.

Good point Edgar

I think the real difference is that children are cared for in different settings when parents work. It might have more to do with lack of continuity and routine rather than time. Nursery workers might pay lip service to respecting parental wishes or may even set the agenda when parents are very busy. Parents may even delegate decision making in some cases because the child carer is perceived as being expert.

And actually potty training is VERY easy when the child is ready for it.

5 weeks of accidents is better than letting them shit themselves for a whole year!

Or perhaps they just aren't ready generationgap?

For whom? Most children don't get distressed when they use the nappy a lot do when they have accidents in pants

No if they are in the process of doing it but it is taking longer then that is fine. It is not doing it that is lazy! IMO

Edgar
I am talking about my mother's generation, not Jane Austen's time :)

ie. they had some labour saving devices such as hoovers, fridges and washing machines

And I do think that there is a difference to doing a wee or poo in a nappy than in a pair of pants. Nappies, whether disposable or not, are designed to contain waste. Pants aren't.

Some people start realise its to soon and do the sensible thing and stop until they are ready.

Who are you to judge different children's abilities and readyness

Generationgap
putting IMO on the end of your posts when you have called us lazy does not make it less rude

If you compare elimination communication to later potty training then, there is one constant feature in both, looking to the child for the clues. So it is always going to be an individual thing.

From the OP the child is showing signs that she is ready to dispense with the nappies.

Because you tried and gave up! If you had persevered first time and tried different techniques she would have been dry sooner.

This situation reminds me of a foster parents situation.
There are specific things they are not allowed to do,even though they are looking after the child 24/7,most days of the week.They are not allowed,for instance to take a child for a hair cut,without the biological parents consent.

Five weeks of potty training is insane, I wouldn't have fitted that in around work and leaving the house. We did it in a few days when they were 3 and a bit. Only once accident each once they were 'done' after that.

Don't care if you think I am rude, I still think you're lazy! IMHO

So you carry on with something the child isn't ready for and is quite possibly finding distressing. Who exactly benefits from that?

But you do it whilst working and going out you don't stop living to potty train!

You keep insisting its lazy but I am yet to see any proper reason to explain how you came to this conclusion. At what age does not being potty trained become a result of lazy parenting?