to not want to fork out for trip to DH's friends wedding in Hong Kong?

[pygmyangel]

a bit of a WWYD too and long so apologies.
The story is.....
DH's friend is getting married next year in Hong Kong. Friend's fiance is from Hong Kong originally and has a huge extended family over there although lives in the UK now. DH met this friend at work several years ago and shared a flat with him for about 9 months as the job was away from home. He no longer works with him and we don't see them very often as they live about 250 miles away. I don't really know the friends fiance particularly well nor do I get on well with some of the other friends that will be going. This friend has asked DH to be his best man.

This means DH is expected to pay out at least £1000 for flights and accommodation. DH wants me to go with him so we can have a nice 'just us' holiday which more than doubles the cost. (We have two DC's age 10 and 5 and it's during term time so they can't really come and would be staying with granny).

My issues are:

1. Although I've been told Hong Kong is fantastic, it's never really been somewhere I really want to go. If there's anyone who can persuade me, please try.

1. We have never been on a family holiday abroad as we've never been able to afford it. We've always just had the odd week or 2 in the UK, at Center Parcs or camping etc (although did go to Disneyland Paris in June but that was paid for by grandparents). Paying for this would def mean no family holiday again next year. I feel very guilty about taking ourselves off on a holiday we can barely afford, leaving the kids at home.

1. I could let DH go by himself but that means that once again he gets to go have a fun week or 2 with his mates while I am stuck at home juggling Uni and kids alone. Again. (As I do most of the time anyway as he works away mon to fri but at least then I know he's working for most of that).

1. I am a student with 2 more years to go and we need a new car and a bigger house. We could all do with a relaxing family break. Apparently, we can't afford any of that.

WWYD?

YANBU. You can't afford it so surely that's that?

DH missed his nephew's baptism (v. important to all of us) because spending £1k there (just him) wasn't something we could consider with a baby on the way. I will never understand people who get into debt or other serious financial hardship because of a sense of social obligation.

An opportunity for what exactly OP? You can visit hong kong when finances permit surely?

the country will still be there you know.

Grab life?! Visit a shithole, been there, bought the tshirt, where she doesn't want to go?

Ok then - two weeks abroad or a new kitchen that you will use every day?

Offered an opportunity? Maybe if it were free. But it's hardly being offered when you're spending top whack for it.

Exactly Expatinscotland.

I would try and save up to go. I've never been to Hong Kong and it would be a brilliant experience for my hypothetical Dp and I.

I wouldn't want him to go if I couldn't go though, money like that should, in my mind, be spent as a couple or as a family, not benefiting one person whilst everyone else loses out.

The dc have been to Disney, they will have a love time with grandparents. You could go camping or something next year.

I hope you come back and say you're not going OP and nor is your husband.

You can both go on a weekend romantic break instead.

'I've never been to Hong Kong and it would be a brilliant experience for my hypothetical Dp and I.'

Why assume it'll be brilliant? I found it smelly and shit. Hot and humid as hell probably is. Over-priced and the food minging.

My folks use to go on 'mummy daddy' holidays and leave us with the grandparents. It sucked. We were worried sick they'd never come back despite our grandparents' assurances and bored as all fuck.

Weekend break, sure, but I don't get ditching my kids for two weeks for anything other than an emergency.

I'm married to a man who has similar values. We find other ways for couple time because we're a family now. It won't be forever, soon enough our surviving children will grow and have their own lives.

Oh, Clipped, he'll go no matter what because he sounds a bit selfish, anyhow.

Well, I've read all the arguments and I would still consider it if I were the OP. Life is too short and sometimes you have to just go with the opportunities that present themselves. I am in total agreement with flatbread and it could turn out to be the trip of a lifetime.

I, also absolutely do not agree that it is too far, too hot, too non-child friendly to bring the dc's if that were a possibility. I bet the trip to disneyland Paris cost the bones of that for utter shite and twaddle (I know coz I have been there with dc! )

I also agree that the attitude to attending weddings on MN is hilarious - they're not asking for a kidney, it was an INVITE to a wedding!!!

I would go, once I wasn't wracking up major debt and start saving for the other stuff afterwards. And I have done just this on more than one ocassion and never regretted travelling and seeing new places and meeting new people over house stuff.

I personally think the dc would get a hell of a lot more out of that type of a trip than a resort in magalouf or similar!

I don't get how this is an 'opportunity' when it costs a bloody fortune.

It's a poxy wedding invite!

HK - hot as fuck, humid as fuck, expensive as fuck, smelly as fuck (IME only Manila smelled worse), ugly as fuck, too.

Trip of a lifetime, my arse.

I would go with him and embrace the opportunity. It's not everyday you are asked to be a best man. The kids could have a break with you both in the UK next year. Doesn't have to be abroad or expensive.

Mmm. OP, when you think HK what do you think of? If you are just thinking shopping and skyscrapers then you're very wrong. There are islands and nature reserves and beaches and Buddhist sanctuaries and more food than you can shake a stick at. And I don't just mean Chinese food of which there are many different varities.

Also those who say that HK is expensive, this isn't true. Yes, the air fare is pricey to get out there but once you're there, you can spend very little. A bowl of excellent noodles and won ton is about £2.

However, that aside, if you don't want to go, don't go and I think that DH shouldn't be trying to press you into something you don't want to go.

Also, what time of year will it be? If you go between Nov-Feb it's not humid at all. It's actually rather spring like.

A holiday of a lifetime is only really a holiday of a lifetime if it's somewhere you want to go. If you don't want to go there then it's a waste of money.

OP YANBU

I had a wedding abroad (to get married where I come from) and I was more than understanding that some people couldn't come.

I think it's fine for parents to sometimes go away without their children if they want to, it doesn't need justifying.

This could be something great for the op and her DH, if she wanted to go. If she really doesn't though no point in trying to persuade herself she should.

This comes down to a matter of preference on how someone spends their money.

Ops DH wants to have a great adventure just then 2 of them.

She'd rather spend the same money on family stuff.

It's not a matter of right or wrong or a great moral question, I don't know why is many posters are quite so het up.

OP and her husband need to discuss it and if she Really doesn't want to go I guess on this occasion he'llhave to drop the idea, but he can be a little dispointed.

What opportunity have you been offered ?

You have been asked to spend money you can't really afford on a trip you don't really want to go on at a time that your children cant go with you.

If you and your DH think you can afford the holiday money why not put it aside for a trip with the kids next summer and a cheeky weekend somewhere in the UK for you both?

Why does he need to pay for accommodation while he is there? If the extended family is so large, there must be someone who could host him for the duration so you could spend only the airfare!

I think that if Dh and this friend are close, then I'd want to discuss and decide on an absolute, can't-be-broken maximum spend you can or are willing to afford. Then approach this friend and say, "We can spend XXX on getting me to your wedding. Can it be done for XXX ? If not, we just can't afford as a family for me to come."

I meant to say too that if the extended family are welcoming and hospitable, you could have a fantastic insight into a different place and culture - far more interesting than having to work out what touristy stuff to do and see only one side of a city. I would be very tempted to take the opportunity if and ONLY if that was part of the deal.

I think the OP might want to calculate how much money is left over every month after all essential bills are paid, including food/petrol. Then work out how much of a percentage of your discretionary spends as a family this trip would be.

I have a strong suspicion, given they are running two households on one income with two kids, that the percentage would be in double figures. That is not doable without the other three members of this family being massively shortchanged.

Personally, I would be tempted to go. I'm with flatbread.

I got back from HK a few weeks ago and thought it was amazing, altho

Sorry posted too soon! I was saying although we were only there for four days. Hotels are quite expensive (land is 4x more expensive than London) but everything else is cheap. I thought it smelled better and was cleaner than Bangkok.

It really comes down to finances, I suppose, but I would rather go and regret it than not go and wonder what it would have been like.