to not want to fork out for trip to DH's friends wedding in Hong Kong?

[pygmyangel]

a bit of a WWYD too and long so apologies.
The story is.....
DH's friend is getting married next year in Hong Kong. Friend's fiance is from Hong Kong originally and has a huge extended family over there although lives in the UK now. DH met this friend at work several years ago and shared a flat with him for about 9 months as the job was away from home. He no longer works with him and we don't see them very often as they live about 250 miles away. I don't really know the friends fiance particularly well nor do I get on well with some of the other friends that will be going. This friend has asked DH to be his best man.

This means DH is expected to pay out at least £1000 for flights and accommodation. DH wants me to go with him so we can have a nice 'just us' holiday which more than doubles the cost. (We have two DC's age 10 and 5 and it's during term time so they can't really come and would be staying with granny).

My issues are:

1. Although I've been told Hong Kong is fantastic, it's never really been somewhere I really want to go. If there's anyone who can persuade me, please try.

1. We have never been on a family holiday abroad as we've never been able to afford it. We've always just had the odd week or 2 in the UK, at Center Parcs or camping etc (although did go to Disneyland Paris in June but that was paid for by grandparents). Paying for this would def mean no family holiday again next year. I feel very guilty about taking ourselves off on a holiday we can barely afford, leaving the kids at home.

1. I could let DH go by himself but that means that once again he gets to go have a fun week or 2 with his mates while I am stuck at home juggling Uni and kids alone. Again. (As I do most of the time anyway as he works away mon to fri but at least then I know he's working for most of that).

1. I am a student with 2 more years to go and we need a new car and a bigger house. We could all do with a relaxing family break. Apparently, we can't afford any of that.

WWYD?

I think it's totally cheeky. I'm getting married therefore you need to fork out hundreds of pounds to come over and celebrate with me? Are they off their rockers?

It should be, we're getting married and would like to share this wonderful commitment with you therefore here's the tickets etc.

It's my 50th soon and I want to be around all my friends and family therefore I'm the one paying because its what "I" want.

But the thing is, there are always sensible ways to spend money. But how do you put a value to new experiences? If your dh wants to do it, and he wants you along, it would be such a good bonding time as a couple.

As long as you are not going into credit card debt, I would say that at worst, it will be a meh experience. But equally likely, it will be an amazing time which will be a part of your special shared experiences as a couple.

Have the bride & groom not offered to at least help out with cost of flights even for your DH? I can understand not paying for you as well (at a push) but if they want your DH as best man, I think they need to help out or give him the option to refuse based on your circumstances.

I was never bothered about going to HK until DH applied for a job based there for a few years. I loved it there and we even went back for part of our honeymoon. Some of it is expensive, granted, but not everything. Sadly we didn't move there in the end, despite DH being offered the job, but I'd have gone in a heartbeat.

Do you usually have a problem with saying no to your dh op? because thats what my reply would be-a flat out no to the both of you going. PLus a 9 month flat share harly makes them blood brothers does it?....

You can't fford this. You can't afford for either of you to go. There is no way I would agree to dh travelling abroad if it meant the rest of us lost our family holiday.

Tell him he's out of his mind to even think about it.

Why would the bridegroom help with the cost of flights?

I don't think OP should do it out of any obligation to the groom, but because she and dh could have a great time, meet some interesting people and do something they might not normally do.

They can't afford to go for one reason Flatbread apart from the numerous others that is

Personally, I'd consider taking the kids out of school for a week or two and having a holiday of a lifetime. Unless you intend spending the whole time at a beach resort, a holiday to the far east is going to be pretty enriching. This assumes, of course, that you can afford it and that you can either get an authorised absence, can afford the fine or have no qualms about lying to the school.

Golden - which would be more expensive which is one of the main points here

I would jump at the chance to go to a wedding in Hong Kong, it would be brilliant. But then I love weddings and I have always wanted to go to Hong Kong.

The only thing that would stop me is the fact that your dc wont get a holiday if you go. Have you been planning to take them away? If you have, then I wouldn't cancel plans, but if you wouldn't be taking them away anyway then you may as well go.

Could your DH go, but for less time eg just the weekend of the wedding? It would mean he's horribly jet-lagged but would be cheaper. Or suggest to the bride & groom that you meet up back in the UK to celebrate?

If money is really tight, it sounds unfeasable

I actually think I'd like to decide where my partner and I took the kids on holiday when the time was right, they also sound very young, a trip to hong kong wouldn't exactly be child friendly

Do people really think that this womans 9 month relationship with some bloke warrants such a huge change of plans?

OP, does your partner really want to go on his own?

Gold - But clearly the op does have money to pay for a trip or it wouldn't even be a debate. They couldn't afford it full stop. It's sounds more about how they are prioritising limited funds / savings - wedding, new house, new car or family holiday. In her shoes, I would consider combining wedding with family holiday which I son't think anybody else had suggested but it does really depend on the exact sums to which only the op is privy.

Unless sending your DH to the wedding would put you in debt. That would not be a good plan :(

Golden - 2 kids would bump the cost up considerably. The OP has said this would have to be instead of the family holiday so its not like it could be combined. It's one or the other.

Otherwise it would be a lovely idea. But I'm sure the OP has thought of this

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it... your DH could do a video 'best man' speach and still acknowledge his mate's wedding day. It could be a really nice thing to do.

Family before friends, if you've never been away as a family and aren't well of, could really use the cash, you simply can't go.

Have i entered the twilight zone?

or have i entered made in chelsea?

:o

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't want DH to go.

The friend has to expect that, unless he can stump up for your DH's flights, it might not be possible for you and your DH to attend his wedding.

Hi OP, what's your DH's point of view on this? Surely he knows money is too tight so it's just a no? £1000+ would make a good contribution to a house deposit and a cracking family holiday.

I'd be sending appologies for you both.

"Why would the bridegroom help with the cost of flights?"

Because he wants Ops husband to fly half way around the world to be his best man.

It would be a no from us also.

Could probably afford for husband to go-but he wouldn´t want to on such a small acquaintance.

Maybe the kids would see time with grandparents as a holiday?

Perhaps dh wants an adult type holiday with op, not disneyworld and the like.

I would work hard at being a very understanding wife. I would try and persuade him that going wasn't a priority. But if I knew he REALLY needed to go and would not back down then I would DEFINITELY go with him. I used to live in Asia. HK is great but I agree with Mayisout, find somewhere different (and with a cheaper cost of living) to spend the majority of your holiday. And HK is basically like a large city. Three days, maybe four if you are tied up at a wedding, is more than enough to feel like you have seen the place. It is expensive but honestly, if your husband goes without you, you are going to have a rubbish time at home. Also, if you do go then Shenzen in China is only a train ride a way and it is really, really fun eating Chinese food in China!

Good luck! x

Flatbread, are you a fairy?