For this little girl to have put me off sending dc to private school.

[reallythough]

Name-changed as I have a feeling I'm going to get flamed and I'm a bit scared.

We are unsure of whether to send our dc to private school or state school at the moment, we have one starting school next September.

DC who will be starting school next year attends pre-school at a nursery attached to a private school which we really love, the staff are brilliant, dc is very happy and has lots of friends. Last week I picked dc up and walking out of the school an 11ish year old girl and her siblings ran out shouting 'oh Daddy you've got your new Range, look at Daddy's new Range everyone' on repeat about 5/6 times whilst looking around to show everyone that she didn't know (it was a particularly nice car).

I don't want our dc growing up surrounded by people who place importance on materialistic posessions at such a young age. It made me wonder whether a state school will be a more organic surrounding for dc to grow in rather than the quite narrow selection of people they will be socialising with at an independent.

I read something the other day about how we try to re-create our own childhood for our children and I went to private school but after juniors was desperately unhappy there and felt trapped. I am not criticising the girl at all but it did remind me that on the whole a lot of the people I went to private school with were very materialistic and quite narrow minded. AIBU for this to have jolted me to have a serious re-think?

Just pick the school that you think suits your DCs the best. If those values aren't yours, your DCs are unlikely to espouse them.

on observation before teacher training in a local state school, many years ago, a year 5 boy took great pride in telling me repeatedly, 'my dad's *'. his dad was a famous footballer, apparently. there are obnoxious brats everywhere.
[i told him that his dad didn't matter to anyone at school, it was him that mattered to us].

Its not a private school thing.

My sister went to state school in an affluent area and is very materialistic. I'm horrified, I went to school in a nearby but not so affluent area and think she is terribly spoilt. (I now teach in the school she went to and can see why - year 7s have Cath Kidston handbags!!!!!)

My friend's 7 year old can tell the difference between fake and real ugg boots. She will never have the opportunity (unless a fully funded scholarship) to got to private school.

You get materialistic people in every walk of life.

My teen exbf went to private school and had wealthy parents but was very left wing (although even at the time I thought it was very easy for someone who had everything on a plate to have opinions like that).

The phrase 'fur coat and no knickers' springs to mind when I think of some of the most flashy people I know. And these aren't the ones with kids at private school!

lol,fur coat nae knickers
love that expression

You will come across materialism and showing off wherever you send your child to school.

My DH has worked in private schools for the last 13 years, DD is at state school (although we could have sent her to 'his' school with the generous staff discount) - it's OFSTED rating is merely good/satisfactory, but it really suits her and she is doing brilliantly. Whilst I loved the last school DH worked at, I'm not keen on the one he's at now.

What I'm trying to say is look at your local state and private schools and make the decision based on what you see and your own feelings - there will be 'good' and 'bad' wherever you go.

As for the girl showing off - she was probably just an over-excited 11 year old. When my Dad stopped driving a couple of years ago, he gave me back the car he'd bought off me a few years earlier and DD was ridiculously excited and desperate to show her off to her mates. 'Penelope' is a clapped out 18 year old purple Corsa without a mod-con to her name !

I don't think it makes a child "materialistic" to he excited by the family's new car. We had a stream of (mostly second hand) cars throughout my childhood, and I was a bit excited by each of them - it is quite a new fun thing, and an 11 year old isn't mature enough to understand about the cost, understatement, discretion etc etc, they've got something cool and new (or "new") and they want to show it off to their friends. (admittedly I'm imagining this a bit, because our car is older than either DC).

If it had been a three year old Fiat Punto in a fetching shade of green she'd probably have been just as excited, but you wouldn't have felt the same way.

I went to an academic independent school. I came out thinking I was thick (all my GCSEs were B grade or above) because there was such a high standard. I also came out a massive snob thinking that all people who had a state education were scum.

It transpires that they are not (or at least only a few, and probably the same amount as in private schools!), and I now teach in a state school and will be sending DS to one.

you get children like that at state schools too all the care about is things and stuff it is how YOU bring up your children that its important, We had a little girl like that round here her mum had a sports car and she would shout on nice days, OH MUMMY SHALL WE PUT THE ROOF DOWN, and then waved and shouted BYEEEEEEEE she was 7 at the time send your children to the school you like, but bring them up how you want too,

Gimbling, how can someone be 'left wing' and attend private school?

I wouldn't bother sending your child to an Independent school if you have a good selection of state schools. I'm sure for every Hooray Henry at this school there is a Chantelle Smith that minimises the risk of elitism but probably greatens the risk of materialism! My DB's children go to selective London Independent Primary schools. When I attend my niece's parties I can assure you elitism does not spring to mind when I see the parents, bad taste does though. Also, every other fucking word the parents say is 'like'.

Golden- Nick Clegg leader of the lib dems went to private school and presumably developed left wing views whilst there, as did Tony Blair!

I know 2 people who went to private school. They are both the rudest and most obnoxious people i know. I went to a state school.
But I lived in a inner city working class area where we smoked pot on the back of the bus on the way home from school. We thought people who didnt get free school meals were posh.

Don't be mental.

There's rude and obnoxious everywhere

Tony Blair private school Edinburgh
Tony benn private school
Diane abbott son private school
plenty labour and lecture private educated

You get rude people in all walks of life. I live in a working class village and the locals are unbelievably unwelcoming and grumpy- the complete opposite to all the smiley mums at the school. My husband calls it happy land as everyone is so jolly.

Being excited about daddy getting a new car doesn't make a child obnoxious and doesn't have much to do with the school. I'd actually be more concerned if my dd didn't show any appreciation or excitement if we got a new car (and she goes to stated school)

disingenuous rubbish to say this isn't a private school issue

of course it bloody is - there is more snobbery, more wealth and more spoilt children with no idea of how the rest of society functions

many parents who choose private are doing so because they are making a deliberate choice to buy into that privileged little bubble where their offspring will go to school with nice children and meet nice families and be protected from the rougher side of life

I went to a private school on a scholarship and got called "gyppo" because I had cheap clothes, a strong regional accent and didn't get taken out for meals every weekend or go on school theatre trips

and the first question a new pupil was asked was "what does your father do"

I am honestly not being mental. One is my sil and the other is a colleague.
I have moved to a better area now but still in a inner city ish area (private school is beyond our reach) but we were very lucky that our dc got into the better schools in the area.

OP I agree with the other posters. Send your child were you feel is right for her but I do feel materialism comes from home as do manners and respect for others.

Come on scarlettsmummy, your DH calls it 'fucking happy land', doesn't he? :)

petrifiedperson - completely agree with you.

Yes as I said, 'how can you be left wing and go to private school?'

Tony Benn is probably the only exception on that list!

There's bound to be some materialistic elements at a private school but my experience is that it's limited to a few knobs tbh. Most people are really down to earth and genuine, despite their wealth (or lack of it in some cases, including us). And I don't think materialism is limited to private schools either ...

Morris- yes he does! He is bemused every Wednesday morning after drop off! It's a bit out of character for him as scots aren't known for the general cheeriness and he is more used to the scowls in our local scotmid.

NameChangeGalore, you can't tar everyone with the same brush based on a few 'bad apples'.