For this little girl to have put me off sending dc to private school.

[reallythough]

Name-changed as I have a feeling I'm going to get flamed and I'm a bit scared.

We are unsure of whether to send our dc to private school or state school at the moment, we have one starting school next September.

DC who will be starting school next year attends pre-school at a nursery attached to a private school which we really love, the staff are brilliant, dc is very happy and has lots of friends. Last week I picked dc up and walking out of the school an 11ish year old girl and her siblings ran out shouting 'oh Daddy you've got your new Range, look at Daddy's new Range everyone' on repeat about 5/6 times whilst looking around to show everyone that she didn't know (it was a particularly nice car).

I don't want our dc growing up surrounded by people who place importance on materialistic posessions at such a young age. It made me wonder whether a state school will be a more organic surrounding for dc to grow in rather than the quite narrow selection of people they will be socialising with at an independent.

I read something the other day about how we try to re-create our own childhood for our children and I went to private school but after juniors was desperately unhappy there and felt trapped. I am not criticising the girl at all but it did remind me that on the whole a lot of the people I went to private school with were very materialistic and quite narrow minded. AIBU for this to have jolted me to have a serious re-think?

Yeah, right.

I would say there will be parents with beaten up volvos but that would be just to make Seeker scream

"Won't somebody think of the unicorns? "

Or the dragons?

In my defense it is very small - and my car is far from posh! (it barely fits us all in).

I wouldn't let it put you off- there are kids like that everywhere. At my daughters private school there is a real mix of back grounds and a lot of the parents aren't overly flashy! In fact most of the children are kitted out in sainsbury clothes, bog standard Clarks shoes, go on camping holidays and arrive at school in people carriers. There are some luxury cars but most are 5+ years old.

Oh you don't have to defend yourself mustTidyPlayroom- I'm just jealous. .

What's posher than Clarks shoes?! Bog standard!!
Jealous, jealous- Tescos shoes here.

TBH, it makes me shudder, not so much b/c of her showing off her dad's car but that extended use of the word 'daddy' that some girls engage in makes me cringe.

I dislike materialism. Luckily for me my eldest has asperger syndrome and has not the slightest interest in branding, and luckily for me his (state school) friends are nice enough kids not to care that he sometimes wears his school jumper backwards with the crest on the shoulder, and is so otherworldly that he usually doesn't bother turning it round even when it's pointed out to him. (he just says, 'oh yes' or 'so?' depending on his mood!)

My second son steers clear of some items but knows that he won't necessarily be getting the most expensive brands and doesn't nag. I wouldn't put either of my kids in really hideously embarrasing stuff, btw, but I shop at H and M not sportwear shops.

I suppose if you don't want your child to grow up with obnoxious entitled kids, there may well be a larger proportion at private school, though it depends how pricey the school is and fair to say there'll be a range of kids in either setting.

The kids at the local comp near me are very materialistic, obnoxiously so. It's all about who has what phone and i-whatsits The kids at the private schools, much less so. Perhaps they have less to prove (or maybe has more to do with the fact mummy is usually driving a 1980s beat up land rover piled high with dogs and baling string and covered in horse shit...). Make of that what you will.

I mean they aren't all running about in lelli kelliies and other designer brands.

Maybe they had been saving up for a long time to get their new car or something? What's wrong with a child being happy for their DPs?

Oh not flashy you mean Scarlet.
Quite a few lelli kellies round here I think in very unsmart school. [I have boys so not an issue].

I went to a job interview at a private school yesterday.

it was amazing.

If you can afford it send her to public school - she can change to somewhere else if you are not happy surely?

Panic- totally agree. If anything it is almost seen as a little bit naff to be decked out in designer gear. When I do the school pick up the mums tend to be classically dressed but no obvious labels on show.

"extended use of the word daddy"?!

Good grief I'm fifty and still refer to my departed father as my daddy. It's maybe a regional thing, but certainly where I live many people say that. We also say my mammy for mother.

Mm naive just a tad! My daughter is 13 and her and her friend spend their lives comparing phones, new clothes, what they are getting for birthdays. That's teenage girls.

I send both my DCs to private schools and drive a battered (and filthy ) six-year-old Toyota. DS (14) has never expressed an opinion about cars, but DD (9) would prefer a 2CV or possibly an even more battered and muddy land rover because we could do more exciting things with it.

I am sure there are children at their schools who would get excited and show off a bit about a parent's new car, but do you really think that a) no one with DCs at state schools has a posh car, and b) that their children wouldn't be equally likely to show off about it?

Choose a school based on whether it suits your children, not snobbery (reverse or otherwise).

I went to the local independent school. None of the parents had particularly nice cars... because most of them, including mine, were stretched from paying school fees. Primary school friends who went to the local comprehensive had far more expensive holidays and stuff than we did.

I really worry about people who think children calling their father 'daddy' is wrong. Some people strive to find something sinister around every corner.

I think we just notice the bad examples more than the good ones. I used to work at a riding school where a lot of very privileged little girls kept their ponies, and had the dubious joy of overhearing one pair of 6/8yo sisters explaining to another girl how their private school was different to the village state school she went to: "Our parents pay lots of money to send us to our school, so it's better than your school because the classes are smaller and the teachers are better." But really, there were some lovely little girls there and some little horrors, and the schools they came from had no bearing on that.

Yes sunflowers- not really into flashy! It is all about academic attainment and learning, and the kids being able to get messy without worrying about clothes etc.

lelli kellie truly dreadful
drag queen shoes
beyond me why any parent buys them

I also still call my dad 'daddy', as does my alpha male brother. It is completely normal where we are from!

Er, sorry but I'm not convinced by all these posters saying that there's a similar range of kids in both private and state schools. That's absolute bollocks. A handful of scholarship kids, or kids from families on middle incomes who scrimp do NOT make up the vast majority in private schools. Those who think that the social profile is the same need a reality check - or a trip to a local comp.

OP - I think you have been unfairly got at on this thread. I can totally see that what you 'thought' you wanted for your child (an upbringing like yours) clashes with the reality of that lifestyle (which is one of privilege whatever way you cut it). I sent my dcs to a catholic school for the same reason (wanted them to have the same as me) while somehow forgetting that I am now an atheist . The last six years have been torture as I LOATHE the catholicism inherent in all their teaching. I put a romantic idea above the reality and I'm suffering for it. Don't do the same thing - times change, do what's right for YOU not what was right for your parents.